


written in the sand, crashing like waves

by differentsnowflake



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Willie-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Beach Holidays, Fluff, Forbidden Love, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Rated T because I let them swear, The Author Regrets Nothing, Willie Being Awesome, there's quite a lot of unexpected angst in this not gonna lie, they go on a cruise ship that's it, travelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29295297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: 'Luke rests a hand on his shoulder."Dude, you have to calm down. We're here to have a good time, right? Just the six of us, two weeks at the sea, free food and the Caribbean. Honestly, I don't get how you aren't excited. I mean, look at Reggie. He's excited."Reggie nods effusively, licking his ice cream. "I am."Alex knows he should be thankful and excited and everything that his friends are, but there's this anxiety nagging at the back of his head, an insect-like buzzing that tells him that a lot of things could go wrong. He's seen Titanic a lof of times, okay? It's a good movie. And he knows how it ends.'Or, Alex falls in love with a cruise ship worker, and it's even more complicated than you think it is.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn/Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 245
Kudos: 247





	1. cartagena

**Author's Note:**

> me? writing another cheesy Willex AU? more likely than you think.  
> this is kind of a little introduction, that's why it's so short, chapters definitely'll be longer after this one!

"Oh my _god_ we're going to die."

Luke scoffs. "We're not going to die," he reassures, taking his sunglasses off. He squints at the sun, trying to look past the hundreds of people, where the ship rests just by the shore, white and blue and _big_. And dangerous.

"That thing is huge," Reggie lets out in a sigh, his mouth slightly open. Alex grabs his chin and makes him close his mouth, hiding a smile.

"That thing is a death machine. Did you know that around a hundred ships sink every year?"

Julie frowns. "That's not a lot," she offers with a little smile. "I mean, I read somewhere that getting hit by a train is more likely than being in a sinking ship."

Alex shakes his head.

"This was a bad idea. We're going to die. This thing is going to sink. It's not safe. If my dad honestly thinks this was a good birthday present, he's really, really wrong because we're going to _die_ , and he's going to feel guilty for the rest of his life because all of this is his fault."

Luke rests a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude, you have to calm down. We're here to have a good time, right? Just the six of us, two weeks at the sea, free food and the Caribbean. Honestly, I don't get how you aren't excited. I mean, look at Reggie. He's excited."

Reggie nods effusively, licking his ice cream. "I am."

"Even Carrie's excited!"

Carrie looks up from her phone, blinks and nods a little. "It could be fun."

"See?" Luke continues, shaking him a little. "If we die, I promise we'll haunt your dad, alright?"

That does sound appealing. "Okay."

Alex _knows_ he should be thankful and excited and everything that his friends are, but there's this anxiety nagging at the back of his head, an insect-like buzzing that tells him that a lot of things could go wrong. And besides, yeah, his dad surprised him by telling him that he had booked a cruise for him and his friends for his twentieth birthday, but he knows why. He knows why his dad wants to be on good terms with him, Alex _knows_ why his dad wants him to feel like he owes him a favor, and he's not going to let his guard down.

Moving on isn't that easy, even if his dad seems to believe it is.

But now he's there, in freaking Cartagena, Colombia, surrounded by suitcases and his friends, in the biggest line he's ever seen, waiting to get on a death trap with just so many life boats. He's seen Titanic _a lot_ of times, okay? It's a good movie. And he knows how it ends.

Reggie pats his back. "You'll have fun. You'll see."

And yeah, it's been kind of fun so far. Reggie misplaced his bag in the airport and they had to look for it everywhere, and now they're kind of late and waiting at the end of the line, and honestly, Alex didn't know there were this many people in cruise ships. But they have ice cream and time and two weeks, and Alex does love the beach and the sea and his friends and it's the first time he's left the States, and the idea of visiting seven countries in the span of two weeks is exciting in a way he doesn't know how to describe, especially if he gets to spend it with Julie, Flynn, Carrie, Luke and Reggie. He's just _slightly_ scared of dying.

Three hours later, they finally let them on the ship. They're sweating and tired and Alex feels like crying when the air conditioner hits him right in the face, because it's so damn hot, but still. The place doesn't look like he imagined, at all. The ceiling is high and the spaces are way more open than he'd thought they'd be. The floor and the walls are covered in a blueish, patterned rug, and there's so many people he can barely walk towards the elevators.

"We've got two rooms," he tells the guys, staring at the card they gave to him just before entering the ship. "They're on the sixth floor, and-"

"I know, Alex, just run!"

Luke grabs his hand and makes him run towards the stairs, picking his suitcase like a bag and sprinting as fast as he can. Reggie does the same and then he screams at Alex that the first one to arrive to the room gets to choose the beds and that's enough to make him run.

He can hear Julie chuckling behind them and yelling that they'll wait for the elevators. He sprints as fast as he can, trying not to hit anyone and trying to balance the recently-weighted 40 pounds of his suitcase.

Luke gets to their little cabin first, though, and he chooses the biggest bed. Reggie chooses the top bunk bed and Alex feels stupid because he just climbed six floors as fast as he could and for nothing.

"I hate you," he mutters when, after leaving his things in his bed, he knocks his head against the top bunk bed. Reggie chuckles a little.

"At least you're not Julie. Flynn and Carrie are _dating_ and she has to share a room with them."

"Okay, fair enough."

The cabin's way smaller than he thought it'd be. The whole place feels like a labyrinth of similar doors and numbers and more of that blue rug. There's a little window, just between the beds, and the only thing Alex can see through it is the way the horizon mixes with the sea, two shades of light blue that look like a painting. It's nice.

"What the hell are you guys waiting for?" Luke grabs Alex with one hand and Reggie with the other, making them run towards the cabin door. Alex doesn't know how he has so much energy when he's ready to sleep until dinner. "I wanna be on the last floor when the ship sails!"

"It's actually called a lido deck-" Alex starts, but Luke yanks him by the hand and his words die in his mouth as he gasps a little.

"Who cares!"

They take the elevator this time. The ship has fifteen freaking floors - _fifteen_ \- and he knows a bunch of them are shops. There's a theatre and three restaurants and room for three thousand people. The elevator doors open to some sort of living room, and on the other side there are these huge glass doors, and Alex can listen the upbeat music, can hear the excited conversations and he can see the pool, some people dancing and some other laying in pool chairs, rocked by the waves.

"This," Reggie tells them, stopping for a second. "Is _so_ fucking cool."

Yeah. It is.

The smell of the sea is really strong, and that's the only thing he can focus on. There's a lot of noise but there's something about the ambiance. Alex feels like someone's about to yell 'cut!' and then he'll suddenly wake up from a crazy dream or something.

But it's real, because the ship suddenly starts moving, and Alex kind of feels like he's about to fall, but Reggie just laughs. There are more stairs and then they're on the bow of the ship, and the shore starts becoming smaller and smaller, and the way the sea pushes them it's almost hypnotizing.

"Wow," Luke mutters, his hands resting against the railing, the wind shaking his hair. "I love this. Dude, this is- wow."

"Hey!"

Julie, Carrie and Flynn walk up to them, smiling.

"Did you see that?" Luke asks, pointing at the shrinking shore behind them. Julie nods, grinning a little.

"I did. Now, please let's go have lunch, okay? Before it's too late."

Two hours later, they go back to the lido deck, sit around a table and Alex lets himself breathe. The shore's completely gone now, and there's only sea surrounding them, just water and a clear sky and Alex feels small and big at the same time.

Julie takes out a deck of cards and they play, letting the afternoon sun bathe their skin, listening to the music and the kids screaming and people talking in many languages.

At one point, the sun becomes too much and Alex feels like drinking something, so he walks to the little bar beside the pool. It's empty, thank god, and he leans against the counter, trying to figure out what to drink.

The bartender turns around with a smile, and Alex's heart stops for a second.

The guy's wearing a white shirt and his hair is tied into a bun. His skin is tan and his smile is big. And pretty.

"Hey," the guy says, waving his hand a little. "Can I offer you anything to drink?"

Alex clears his throat. He's somehow forgotten how to act like a fucking human being.

"Um, yeah. A lemonade, please."

The guy chuckles a little and raises an eyebrow at him.

"Is that all you want? A lemonade? You're on a cruise, dude, live a little."

Alex feels himself drawing a smile.

"Well, I don't know. What could I drink?"

The guy playfully looks him up and down, crossing his arms. There's a towel hanging from his shoulder that hides the place where Alex supposes his name is.

"You look like a fancy cocktail kind of guy. You gotta try mi _piña coladas_."

"But, um- those have _alcohol_ in them," Alex says, because he's stupid and because that's the only thing that comes to his mind.

The guy laughs. "Um, yeah, they do. This is a bar. We usually serve alcoholic drinks."

"No, I know that. But, you know. I'm not twenty-one yet." Alex's voice is a little tense, because he's barely aware that absolutely no one says they're not legally allowed to drink when someone assumes they are. But whatever, his brain just- doesn't work sometimes.

The bartender points towards the little blue cruise bracelet Alex's wearing with his head. "You're older than eighteen," he says, wearing a confused smile.

"I- am."

"So you _can_ drink alcohol. If you want to, I mean."

"Can I?"

The bartender winks at him. Alex's breath hitches a little.

"You're from the States, right?" Alex nods at the guy's question. "I figured. Buddy, this is Latin America. You can drink at eighteen."

"Oh."

And then there's someone else at Alex's side, and he says something in Spanish he doesn't get, but the bartender nods with a smile.

"So, do you want the piña colada?" It takes Alex a second to figure out the bartender's talking to him, and when he has to repeat the question to get his attention, Alex feels himself flushing and nodding. It's just that- the guy's really _cute_ , and Alex has this problem where his brain stops functioning when he finds someone attractive.

The guy hands him the glass with a big smile, and then winks at him. Again.

"There you go. If you don't like it, just come back and I'll make you another drink."

Alex forces himself to smile. "Thanks."

He walks back to his table, thinking about the bartender's smile.

"Dude, that took you _forever_ ," Luke complains. Alex shrugs and sits beside him.

Luke grabs his drink and takes a sip, and Alex shoves him.

"That was _mine_ ," he whines, bringing the cold glass close to his chest.

"Dude, that has alcohol in it," Luke says, his eyes open wide.

"Um, _yeah,_ this is Latin America, you can drink at eighteen," he repeats the bartender's words, because he wants to pretend he knew that all along.

Reggie stands up.

"We can?"

"Dude, that's so cool!" Flynn says, standing up too. "I've always wanted to try one of those fancy martinis with like, olives and tiny umbrellas."

His friends go to the bar, and Alex's left sitting on the table, looking at the sea surrounding him, the bartender's cute smile burning in his mind, a memory he just can't let go of. God, he's screwed.

By the time he feels brave enough to go ask for another drink or something so he can just see the guy one more time, there's someone else working behind the counter of the bar.


	2. high seas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick disclaimer: I've actually got no idea of what the rules of working on a cruise ship are, so I'm making a ton of things up for plot convinience.

They stay on the top deck until the sun disappears slowly, its colors mixing with the sea as the world paints itself gold and violet and then dark blue.

As they walk towards their cabin, though, Alex can't help but notice that the ship is rocking way too hard. It's weird, because it's not _dangerous,_ but everything's moving, right and left and Alex feels like he's inside a washing machine.

It's like the floor is moving from under him, rocking him, and he actually has to lean against the hallway wall for a second as the ship moves fastly to the right.

Reggie does the same, and Luke crashes against him.

"You don't think the ship is sinking, do you?" Reggie mutters, his eyes a little scared, and Alex's read enough about cruise ships to know that this kind of strong, wild tide is normal, and it feels scarily dangerous as you get used to the never-ending swaying, so he opens his mouth to calm Reggie down, but Julie speaks first.

"It's normal, Reg," she tells him, but she looks a little scared too. "I didn't think this thing would move so bad."

Luke shrugs.

"We'll get used to it, right? Don't worry about it guys, we have a dinner to eat and a show to watch."

And _okay_ , the show and the food are really great, but as the night progresses the rocking gets worse, really worse, and there's this moment when they're sitting in the huge theatre, in one of the balconies, and the ship rocks really _bad._ Some people scream, and the ballet dancer on stage stumbles a little, but carries on effortlessly. Alex barely can see her expression, but the dancer doesn't look worried, so it can't be _that_ bad, right?

Julie grabs his hand suddenly, when the ship suddenly sways to the left. Her other hand is gripping Luke's forearm, shaking with fear, and her drink sways to the left too. Carrie catches it just before it falls to the ground.

"You hexed us," Luke croaks. He looks a little pale. "We _are_ going to die."

"I refuse to die in a shipwreck without falling in love first," Reggie says, and Alex also catches Carrie's and Flynn's worried expressions, and he can't believe he's actually the calmest one of them all.

And then he figures that Reggie and Julie must be scared because they're seasick, and he's read that people get scared by sea sickness. _He_ feels good, but even Luke looks like he's about to throw up.

The ship rocks _again_ , and more people scream. After the third time Carrie has to keep their drinks from falling off the table, Alex starts getting a little worried too.

When the show's over, though, the ship captain goes on stage and explains that the rocking is normal, after all, and that it'll be a 'rocky night', so he advices everyone to take their precautions, which sounds an awful lot like the beginning of his nightmares, but he pushes his fear down because the captain repeats the 'everything's normal, please don't freak out' for the third time, in a different language each time.

At the end, he mentions that the crew will be handing anti-nausea pills on the lowest deck, in case someone needs them really bad.

They were supposed to go the club at night, go dancing or to one of the common rooms where there're movies and music and shops, but they're all tired and nauseous and Luke does throw up, so they all go to their cabins.

Alex's _positive_ he packed some anti-nausea pills, but when he checks his stuff, he can only find three, and he's got five friends, so he gives the three pills he's got to Luke, Reggie and Julie because they look the worst, and heads towards the first deck.

There's a huge line, though, and Alex feels like screaming a little. The ship keeps rocking and his anxiety is getting _bad_. He doesn't want to die.

He stands on his tip toes to look better at the front of the line, and he figures it's really long because there's only one guy handing the medication, and that's way too little staff for so many people.

When it's finally Alex's turn, he recognizes the guy from the bar earlier this afternoon.

The guy also recognizes him.

"Oh, hey there, piña colada," he tells Alex, and he feels himself blushing a little. He lets out a chuckle.

"Hey."

"Everything okay? We are offering medical attention if you need it."

"Nah," Alex answers. "I just need the pills."

Willie nods and hands him three of them, and Alex figures it'll have to be enough.

"Thanks," he says, and he's about to leave when something occurs to him. He steps to the side, so the guy behind him can get what he needs, but he talks to the guy anyway.

"Do you need help? The line's getting really long and if there were two people handing them I feel like everything would go a little smoother."

The bartender frowns.

"You don't have to do that," the guy says, smiling sheepishly. "It's our job to help."

"No, I know, but- I feel like you could use the help-" Alex feels like this whole conversation is turning a little uncomfortable, but he just- he could help for a little while. The guy does look like he needs it.

"Okay," the bartender accepts. "Thank you so much, we're having a problem in the galley, and there's not a lot of crew to spare-"

"The what?"

The guy smiles a little. "In the kitchen. I'm Willie, by the way."

Alex shakes the guy's -Willie's- hand. "Alex."

He spends the next few minutes helping Willie hand the medication. Some people ask him stuff in French and Spanish, but luckily he knows enough of the two language to get how many pills they're asking for, and that's enough. Willie puts some music through a little computer behind the counter where they're standing, and he sings under his breath as he works. His smile is contagious and Alex can tell his optimism is making the people around them feel better, especially with the way the rocking feels way worse in this part of the ship.

A couple of minutes later, two girls and a guy walk towards them, wearing the same white shirts as Willie.

"Hey there," one of the girls tells him. "We came to save your night off."

"Thank _god_ " Willie says with a smile. "It wasn't that bad, Alex here was helping me."

The girl waves at him. "Thanks for helping the crew, Alex."

Alex manages to nod. "Yeah, don't worry about it."

"I'll go leave these empty boxes in the storage closet," Willie says, grabbing the empty medication boxes. Alex grabs the rest of them, and looks at Willie with a smile.

"Let me help you with that before I leave," he tells Willie. And okay, maybe he's so willing to help because he finds Willie ridiculously attractive, but also because he _likes_ helping.

Willie smiles at him. "Dude, you've earned one of those fancy drinks I'm only supposed to prepare for the people who pay extra. Don't tell my manager."

They walk to the storage room, a kind of big, dark closet with huge shelves. Willie enters before him, and Alex amost doesn't notice when he accidentally kicks _something._ He walks towards one of the shelves and leaves the empty boxes there. He turns around to smile at Willie and then he hears the door closing with a metallic, dry sound.

Willie freezes.

"Was that the door?"

"Uh," Alex hums, turning back to see it. "Yeah."

" _Crap_."

Willie walks to the door and shakes the knob, cursing a little. It doesn't move, and Willie groans.

"Is there, um, a problem?"

Willie gives him a little smile, but it's scared and awkward and Alex knows what it means.

"We usually leave that thing there so the door doesn't close," he explains, pointing at a small bucket. The bucket Alex just kicked accidentally. "We were supposed to get this door fixed in Cartagena but we couldn't so, yeah- it doesn't open."

Alex swallows. "What do you mean it doesn't open?"

Willie shrugs. "It means we'll be stuck in here a little while. I'm really sorry."

Of _course_ he's stuck in a closet with the cute bartender. _Of course_ that kind of stuff only happens to him. Jesus Christ.

Willie has a quick conversation with a crew member through the door, and Alex feels his heart stopping when the ship starts rocking even _harder._

"You should sit down," Willie tells him. "That helps with the nausea."

Alex does that, and Willie sits on the floor too. The space is small and their legs touch each other's. Willie's wearing shorts and sneakers. His socks have little skateboards on them.

"Do you really get used to the swaying?" He asks Willie, because it's been hours and he still feels like he's about to die.

Willie grins. "Dude, I've been on this ship for seven months now. I get nauseous when I'm on land. The ground's too firm."

"How long have you been working here? You know, if you don't mind me asking."

"Well," Willie unties his bun, and his long, brown hair falls around his shoulders smoothly. "In this ship? Just seven months, like I said. On cruise ships? Four years now, ever since I turned eighteen. But honestly, I grew up in ships, so pretty much all my life. My mom used to be a cruise captain."

"That's cool."

Willie nods. "Is it your first time in one our cruises?"

"Yeah," Alex answers. "My dad gave me the trip as a gift for my birthday. I'm here with some friends."

"Happy birthday, then."

Alex laughs. "My birthday was four months ago."

It's fun talking to Willie. His voice is soft and steady, almost a whisper. It calms Alex down, especially when the ship sways and he feels like he's about to fall, even if he's already sitting. He's heavily aware of the fact that they're really low in the sea, and if there was a window, the only thing he'd be able to see would be the giant waves, rocking the two-hundred-ton-heavy ship.

Willie tells him about the time the whole bar fell because they were in a middle of a storm. He tells him about the time he found three teens sleeping in one of the lifeboats. He tells him about the places he's visited and the things he's seen, the people he's met. He makes working on a death trap sound fun.

"Don't you ever get bored? I mean, doesn't it get infuriating to be at sea?"

Willie draws an incredulous expression. "How the hell do you get bored of that? Dude, there's something- there's something magical about the sea. Honestly, when you're in the middle of the ocean, and there's no land in sight, and the only thing you feel is the breeze and some drops of water hitting you in the face- that's the only moment when I feel alive. Sorry if that's stupid."

Alex realizes he's grinning like an idiot, so he bites his lip and shrugs. "Nah, I kind of get you."

"Someday, when I save enough money, I'm gonna get my own ship and do the world tour."

"That sounds-"

"Awesome, right?"

"I was going to say _dangerous."_

Willie rolls his eyes with a fond smile. "That's the point. But, anyway, tell me about you. How did you end up trapped on a closet with me in the middle of the Caribbean?"

"I'm taking a little break from college," he admits. "Something- um, something happened and I took a semester off, and I've been kind of down lately because all my friends were back at college and I was just- at my house, alone. So my dad figured a trip like this could do me some good."

Willie hums a little. Alex's really, _really_ glad he didn't ask what happened, and why he left college, because he's really sick of answering that question.

"And is it helping?" Willie asks.

Alex snorts. "This ship is about to sink and I'm trapped in a closet."

Willie chuckles. "You're really dramatic. We are not going to sink."

"It feels like we are."

"Dude, this is _nothing_. When I was little, we had to do an emergency evacuation. There were four thousand people on board, and two thousand of them were already in the lifeboats when we fixed the problem. It was a crazy night."

"You've seen everything, huh?" Willie's life sounds- good. Alex doesn't know how to explain it. He just- seems like an interesting person.

"My mom took me everywhere with her."

"Does she work here too?"

Willie bites his lip, and his smile thins a little.

"She passed away a bunch of years ago, actually."

Alex's heart sinks. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Willie shrugs. "Thanks. I mean, it's okay. She was friends with a lot of people, and that's why they keep hiring me. If I have to be honest, I'm not like, the best employee. I shouldn't have accepted a passenger's help, for example. I just needed the help."

Alex smiles. "You're welcome."

"Honestly, you're being great. There's a lot of people who would've- hated this and threatened to get me fired."

Alex's words are also whispers, because the closet's dark and he's getting used to the rocking, and he feels weirdly comfortable talking to Willie. "Well, I certainly don't want you to get fired."

Willie pats his ankle. "Good. There's a lot to, um- like here."

And then the door opens, and Alex has to blink several times because the bright lights of the hallway make his eyes hurt. Then he remembers he was supposed to get the pills to his friends, so he stands.

"Thanks for everything," Willie tells him. "I'm sorry about this whole thing."

"Oh, don't worry. It was- um- not that bad."

"Big day tomorrow," Willie leans against a wall, fidgeting with his hands. "With the gala and all that stuff."

"Right, the elegant day. I heard it's cool."

"It is. When and where are you assigned to have dinner? You know, if you don't mind me asking."

Alex tells him, and Willie says goodbye to him with a little wink.

When he sees himself in the elevator mirror, his cheeks are crazily flushed, and he groans a little because there's no one around him. He's got a crush, and he's screwed.

He checks on his friends, who all seem to be doing much better, and lays in the small bed, staring at the ceiling. The waves crash against the ship loudly, but the sound is comforting in a way he can't really explain. He's actually gotten used to the rocking by now, and when Luke's loud, cheerful singing wakes him up the next day, he realizes he's had the best night's sleep in a really, really long time.

* * *

The morning is much better than last night. They've all gotten used to the crazy rocking and the sun shines bright, and there's food and music and a pool and some activities to do. He, Carrie and Flynn go to a dance class, and he feels a little like a third wheel, but it's fun anyway.

They have lunch in the top deck of the ship, and then Luke and Reggie dare him to climb the crazy-tall climbing wall, and see who can get to the top faster. Julie wins, but Reggie comes to a close second.

They go shopping and they play in the little arcade room, and Luke finds out there's a little music room. He plays a couple of songs with an old, used guitar, and Julie sings and then they hold hands and Alex feels a little left out because he wasn't there when Julie and Luke started having _something,_ it all happened while his friends where in college, but whatever.

There's also a drum set, and it looks- it looks tempting, tantalizing. Alex hasn't played in so long it's almost ridiculous. He used to play every day, and then the _thing_ happened and he misses it, he misses it a lot, but when his friends encourage him to play, he realizes he can't. He's too scared.

He's talked with Julie about this, because after all, she knows the feeling, but still- he can't. And it sucks, but he's honestly not able to do it. His friends don't push him, though, and that does feel good.

An hour after that, he goes to the lido deck again, looking for Willie, but there's a girl working there instead, and he swallows down his disappointment. The guys, Julie and Flynn leave for a mini golf game, and he and Carrie go sit down, near to the front of the ship, watching the little waves crash against the bottom of the ship.

He hands Carrie the drink she asked for and she thanks him with a smile.

"This is so _cool,"_ she says, taking a sip of her red drink. "And we get to be in Aruba tomorrow. _Aruba_ , Alex. I love your dad."

Alex grimaces. "Well, that makes one of us."

Carrie frowns.

"You still on bad terms with him?"

Alex lets out a sigh. "I know why he did this, okay? And yeah, I'm thankful, because this _is_ pretty great, but he- I don't want to feel like I owe him something, you know what I mean? He probably did this because he felt guilty."

Carrie places her hand on top of his.

They haven't been friends for long, but Alex does love her. They met in their first year of college, and Carrie taught him how to dance and have confidence in himself. Then he introduced her to his friend group, and it turned out that Julie and Flynn knew her from high school, and they didn't really get along. And then Flynn and Carrie started dating, and the rest is well- history.

Carrie's sarcastic and kind of cold and mean, but in the best way possible. And she's been there for him in the last couple of months. Everyone has.

"Alex, maybe don't think about that right now? I know it can be hard, but- we'll probably never get to do something like this again. Just enjoy yourself. When we get back home, you can continue your moping."

Alex sticks his tongue out at her. "I'm not moping."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever you say, honey."

Alex's _pretty_ excited about the gala. He's never been one to love formal events, but this one is just- he doesn't know. It's a completely new experience, and he's _read_ all about them, about the captain presenting himself to the passengers and about the show and the photos and the decorations- it just seems like a lot of fun.

He, Reggie and Luke get dressed in their little cabin, after fighting to decide who'd get the first turn in the shower. By seven p.m., Alex's wearing some shorts and a dress shirt, and he feels kind of stupid, but it's the only formal thing he felt comfortable wearing. Luke and Reggie are wearing pretty much the same. Julie, Flynn and Carrie, on the other hand, they look gorgeous.

Julie's wearing a short, purple dress and Luke looks like his brain short-circuits for a second. Flynn's wearing an orange mono and Carrie's wearing a pink dress, and Alex takes a picture of them kissing because they look _awesome_ together.

Everyone in the ship is wearing dresses, or dress shirts or suits, and Alex kind of feels like he's entered a new, different reality where his life feels a little more like a movie. They form a line to get some pictures taken, and the people behind them laugh at them when they decide to carry Reggie for their photo.

Then they go to have dinner. The dining hall is huge, with big chandeliers and fancy tables. There are windows beside every table, and Alex really starts understanding Willie's words, because he does think he can't get sick of seeing the ocean. There's something- magical about it, like Willie said.

They sit at their assigned table, and Alex expects the same waiter as yesterday, but his heart drops towards his stomach when Willie approaches them, wearing a suit and a big smile.

"Hi, my name is Willie, and I'll be helping you tonight."

Alex opens his mouth a little, but words don't seem to come out.

Luke starts ordering, though, and Willie just takes their order with polite nods and smiles. Two minutes later, when he comes back with their drinks, he winks at Alex just after leaving his glass of water in front of him.

Alex must look stunned or something, because Flynn snaps her fingers in front of him.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Flynn stares at the spot Willie just left, then back at Alex, and seems to make the connection. "Oh, you have a crush on the hot waiter."

Alex chokes a little on his drink.

"I _don't."_ He does.

Reggie chuckles. "I mean, he's kind of hot."

Julie nods. "Yeah, a little."

"I don't have a crush on him, alright? It's just that he was the bartender yesterday and now he's here. And yesterday we got stuck in a closet together."

Luke blinks. "You what?"

And then Alex remembers he forgot to tell his friends about that part of the night, so he tells the story as fast as he can, and he finishes just in time for Willie to come back with their food. Alex stares at him the whole time, because his features are pretty and his eyes seem to smile wider than his mouth, and there's- he doesn't know why he has it so _bad_.

"So you two were stuck in a close for like-?" Julie starts, smiling at him, holding her glass of water.

"I don't know, maybe thirty minutes. We talked, and he seems nice, okay? But I don't have a crush on him, I don't even _know him_."

Luke pats his back. "That's never really stopped you before, has it?"

Alex rolls his eyes. "I hate you all."

There's this little show in the middle of dinner, and the waiters and waitresses sing and dance through the restaurant, their voices harmonizing impressively well. Alex doesn't really get what they're saying, because the song is in Spanish, but he doesn't care, because he's too busy staring at Willie.

He means- the guy can _dance._ He jumps and twirls and sings as loud as he can, moving through the tables and chairs and people, all while holding a tray full of food. The music is loud and the show is _good_ , and Alex's really hypnotized by it. By the time the song finishes, Alex finds himself clapping so hard his hands hurt, but everyone else is doing that, so he doesn't feel guilty about the fact that he never took his eyes away from Willie the whole time.

Then Willie's back, holding their dessert in a tray, and he leaves everything in the table. He's not sweating or panting, and Alex wonders if he's really used to perform like that every week.

"That was crazy cool," Luke tells him. Willie offers him a polite smile.

"Thank you. We do our best. I'm not really a dancer."

"Are you serious? Dude, that was crazy good! You're great," Alex's words come out way too loud and excited, and he's aware of the people who have turned to look at him, so he clears his throat a little. "I mean- that was really cool."

Willie chuckles a little. "Thank you so much, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, thank you," Carrie answers with a little smile.

"You _really_ have a crush," Flynn whispers loudly to him when Willie's gone. Alex pouts.

"Shut up."

After dinner, they move to the theatre, and this time the ship isn't rocking and the show's crazy good. They meet the captain and then the dance company performs typical dances from all around the world, and Alex's really, really impressed.

Then they go to do the things they couldn't do last night, and they go the club and visit the casino. They dance and they maybe drink a little, and Alex moves to the rhythm of the music as best as he can, laughing when Luke tries to slow dance with him.

Reggie tries to play poker and ends up being really good at it. Carrie finds an arcade dancing machine and they spend the next couple of hours trying to beat the highest record. It's the most fun he's had in a long, long time, and when one a.m. comes, Alex's sweating and smiling and can't stop laughing.

They're walking back to their cabin, and Alex curses internally because he wanted to wake up early the next day to use their day in Aruba as best as they could, so that means he'll have to wake _everyone_ up, and waking Luke up is almost impossible, but still- he needs an itinerary.

Reggie's leaning against him, giggling a little, and then he asks a question that makes his skin go cold.

"You know you can tell us everything, right?"

Alex rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Reg, I know."

"So you can tell us what happened that night."

Julie clears her throat. "Reggie, I don't think now it's a good time to ask that."

Reggie pouts. "I just wanna know, to understand him better."

Luke puts a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about this another time, alright? Let's go to sleep or Alex's going to freak out tomorrow."

"He's not wrong."

He says goodbye to the girls and is about to go the cabin with Luke and Reggie when he realizes he needs to get some fresh air, because he's thinking about the _thing_ again.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a bit," he tells them. Luke purses his lips.

"Are you okay, man?"

Alex dismisses him with his hand. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just need some air before going to sleep."

Reggie frowns. "I'm sorry I brought that up."

"It's not about that, Reg, don't worry."

It kind of is, but he's not going to tell his friend that.

It's pretty late at night and the usually busy hallways are empty. The ship suddenly feels colder, and he wonders if he's imagining it or if they turn up the air conditioner or something.

He goes to the pool deck, and walks to the edge of the ship, leaning against the railing. He's quite surprised by the way everything's _wet_. Huge waves hit against the ship, tall enough for water to get into the deck. He doesn't want to think about how tall they must be to get their fifteenth deck wet, but okay.

He lets the droplets of water hit his face. It's way colder than he'd thought it'd be, and suddenly his shirt and his shorts feel like nothing to protect him of the wind. Everything's way too dark for him to see the sea, but he can hear the waves tossing and turning, (do waves toss and turn?) and the sound calms him down a little.

There are a couple of people walking in the lido deck, but there's just mostly crew members, cleaning the bars and the tables, moping the floor.

And then, someone's suddenly beside him.

"You seem to follow me anywhere," Willie tells him, his soft voice surprising him a little. "Are you stalking me or something?"

Willie's leaning against the railing too. A wave hits the side of the ship and some water falls over them. Alex closes his eyes and lets it happen.

"I'm not," he explains, trying to sound calm. "I'm really not, I just- you know- wanted some air."

Willie nods. "You're falling in love with it."

The words puzzle him a little. "What do you mean?"

"You're falling in love with the ocean, you know. I can see it in your eyes. Not a lot of people would be here at this hour."

Alex feels himself drawing a sheepish smile. "Maybe. I don't know, there's something calming about this."

"I totally get you. We are about to close, though, but you should come out here really early in the morning. It's the best time of the day."

"You guys close the lido deck?"

Willie grins. "I mean, duh. The waves get really taller than this, and unless you want to swim out here, you need to get going downstairs."

"I didn't know that."

Willie winks at him. "Well, now you know."

Another crew member comes up to them, and hands Willie a mop.

"C'mon, dude, get moving."

Willie groans. "I hate you, Nick."

The blond guy rolls his eyes and smiles. "Move."

"Duty calls," Willie stands up straight and fidgets with his mop. "Are you excited about tomorrow?"

"Aruba, yeah. Sounds cool."

"It's the coolest island ever. That and Costa Rica are my favorite places to visit in this tour."

"Do you recommend visiting something specific? We don't have a lot of time."

"Well-" Willie stops for a second, and Alex can practically see an idea occurring to him. "Have you booked a tour with us?"

"Um- no. Should I?" Alex's not really sure of where this conversation is going.

"Yeah. Book a tour with us, in the third deck, around nine o'clock."

Alex nods. "O... kay. I'll do that."

Willie winks at him. "You do that, trust me. See you, piña colada. Oh, and be careful. The floor's slippery."

When Alex goes back to his cabin, he feels weirdly- he doesn't know. Happy. Maybe he really is falling in love with the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo I decided to make a chapter for every place they visit, and that's why this one ends there and that's why there'll be ten chapters in total. I think.  
> This was supposed to be an angst-free fic but when I was editing and trying to figure out where this was going I found out that I am completely unable of writing stuff without angst so, yeah-  
> thanks for reading! I also never proof read this stuff so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.


	3. oranjestad

The first thing Alex notices when he wakes up is that the ship is no longer moving. It's a discrete change, but it's noticeable anyway. He's kind of excited about today. He's always wanted to visit Aruba.

Surprisingly, Luke and Reggie are already up and dressed, so Alex puts on some clothes and they go find the girls.

They're having breakfast when Flynn asks what they should do.

"I just want to go to the beach," Luke answers, looking up from his plate of food. Alex thinks he's never seen someone eat this much. "You know, swim and play, then eat and come back."

"Sounds good," Julie answers, and Alex has to gather up some courage to speak.

"Actually," he says, clearing his throat. "I spoke to Willie yesterday, and-"

"You spoke to the hot waiter?" Carrie raises her eyebrows at him. "When?"

"Well, um- I went to the lido deck late last night, and yeah- we talked. It doesn't matter. The point is, he told me to book a tour with the cruise. I just think that could be a good idea..."

Julie grins at him. "I thought you said booking a tour with the cruise company was ridiculously expensive and unnecessary."

She's not wrong, but Alex's not going to tell her that.

Reggie points at him with his fork. "You just want to do what he tells you to."

"I'm just saying, I asked what our best option was and he told me that, so-"

Flynn rolls her eyes. "Alex's dad pays for our trip, Alex makes the choices."

The others seem to find that fair, so by nine o'clock, he's on the third deck as Willie told him to be, looking everywhere. There's a line of people ready to book their tours, but there's no Willie in sight, and maybe Alex was being stupid and Willie's not showing up, he must have a bunch of things to do. Maybe Willie was just doing what he's supposed to do- offer his company's service and keep on working.

He moves to the front of the line, trying to hide his sudden disappointment. But then Willie walks towards him, wearing white shorts and a blue t-shirt with the cruise company logo on it. He looks at him with a huge smile and waves at him discreetly.

The girl on the desk asks him what he wants and Willie's the one to speak up.

"Don't worry about it, Patricia, he's with me."

"Alright," the girl smiles at Alex and his friends. "You're in good hands then."

Willie smiles at them. "Hi, my name's Willie and I'll be your tour guide today."

"Do you do everything around here?" Julie asks, a little estranged expression in her face.

Willie giggles. "Yeah, pretty much. I just- do what they need me to do in the moment. Come with me, please."

The cruise port is way bigger than Alex thought it'd be. There's a small dock and then there's a bunch of people around them, talking hurriedly in English and Spanish and in a language he doesn't recognize. There’re souvenirs and music and people offering them stuff. There's also a ridiculous cardboard cutout to take photos and Luke and Reggie insist and he ends up putting his face behind a mermaid's body.

Willie takes pictures of them as they laugh and run through the pier, and Alex's a little amazed by the color of the water, a bright greenish blue that shines against the sun rays. It's really hot and the air is dry, but the beach breeze is enough to keep him from sweating. He's been in Aruba for twenty minutes and he already loves it.

"This is Oranjestad," Willie explains, when they leave the cruise port. "Capital of Aruba, population 30 000, the official language is Dutch, but everyone speaks English, and we're in luck, because I have no idea how to speak Dutch."

Willie tells them that they'll go to the city center, then to see the forts and the lighthouse, and then to the beach. It sounds cool.

The center of the city is- _wow_. The houses are colorful, old and big, standing out in the street. There's a lot of palm trees and there's not much people, but it's really, really _pretty._ It's the first place they've visited, but Alex can understand why this is Willie's favorite stop.

As they walk, Willie explains stuff about the island's history and culture, his voice steady but excited at the same time. His arms move a lot when he talks, and he walks effortlessly through the busy streets, and Alex can almost picture him on a stage, he just- he looks like someone who was born to stand out.

He realizes Luke, Reggie and Flynn are listening attentively, and that's something hard to accomplish. His plan wasn't to book tour guides, because Alex feels like they kind of take your freedom away, he's always preferred doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, but Willie's just- he _likes_ listening to him. He makes learning about history fun.

They buy some stuff and buy some ice cream. Flynn and Carrie hold hands, and Luke and Julie are walking really close together, and Alex feels kind of alone for a second.

"We're third wheeling," Reggie tells him in a whisper, and Alex laughs a little.

"I'd ask you out, but you're not my type." He tells Reggie, and his friend punches him playfully in the arm.

"You've been here a lot?" Reggie asks Willie when they stop for a second to drink some water. Willie nods. "Um, I've doing the Caribbean route for almost two years now, so yeah. I'm not in touring duty a lot, though, so sometimes I don't leave the ship for weeks."

"That must suck."

Willie shrugs. "Not really. It makes it more exciting when I'm on land."

A car takes them to the other end of the island, to a small beach surrounded by rocks. There's a huge cavern they go into, while Willie talks and Luke takes ridiculous pictures of Reggie. They climb and move through the dark, Flynn and Julie giggling about something behind him. The rock formations are pretty, and when they get to the big, final entrance, the ceiling opens and the sun bursts into the cavern, drawing beautiful shadows and figures with its strong rays.

"This is Guadirikiri," Willie tells him. Alex's standing right under one of the sun rays, letting the warmth soak his skin.

"It's nice," he answers, closing his eyes for a second.

"There's a local legend about it. Supposedly, one of the caciques locked his daughter in here for years and years, because she fell in love with someone he didn't approve of. She cried a lot, because she felt trapped and alone, and the sky heard her cries and felt bad for her. So it rained and poured for months, and those holes formed in the cave's ceiling, so she could see the sun again."

"That's- a sad story," Alex tells him. "I thought this was supposed to be one happy island."

"I think it's a _good_ story. Not all good stories have to be happy."

And yeah, Alex can relate to feeling trapped somewhere, and he likes the idea of 'seeing the sun again.' It sounds cool.

"You're right."

Then they go to the lighthouse, a tall, old building. They climb to the last floor of the lighthouse, and Alex loves what he sees.

After everything that's happened in the last six months, there's something overwhelming about feeling alive. He had gotten used to the quiet, long days where nothing happened, just an empty routine he hated but he had no option but to follow. It's been hard, especially because he used to do so many things before- college and dancing and music and he and his friends where even thinking about forming a band, he was always busy. And then the _thing_ had happened, and everything had become hushed, worried conversations when they thought he wasn't listening.

It's been hard, and it was getting even harder, so even if he's still pissed at his dad, he's started to understand why he thought Alex needed to get away from the silent, sad routine he had been sucked into the last couple of months.

And he was worried that his friends would've forgotten about him, because he was away from them, unable to pick his phone up, and they were together, continuing their lives without him. But when Alex had told them if they'd like to go on the trip with him, they'd all just seemed so- eager, and happy, and now he's there, miles away from home, staring at the ocean, and he remembers the story Willie told him and he smiles.

Maybe _he_ is seeing the sun again. At least, in that moment, life doesn't seem so dark.

Julie shows up and stands beside him.

"Hey there," she greets. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's okay."

"Perfect, because I need your help keeping Luke from convincing Reggie of jumping from the third floor."

"Oh my _god_."

After that, they finally go to the beach. And okay, Alex goes to the beach a lot, but this one's just- different. The sand is ridiculously white and the sea is clear, its bright colors seem to have come out of a painting or something.

"I'll stay in the car," Willie tells them. "I'll go get you guys when it's time to go, I don't want the ship to leave us."

Alex chokes a little. "The ship can leave us?"

Willie chuckles. Alex likes the way he seems to laugh at everything he says. "Yeah, we sail at four p.m., and if you're not there," he shrugs. "Tough."

"You don't have to stay in the car," Luke tells him. "You can go hang out at the beach with us if you want."

Willie raises his hands a little. "I'm just your guide, I can't-"

"Oh, please come," Carrie chimes in, using her 'you-can-not-tell-me-no' tone of voice. "You'll suffocate in the car. Just sit with us and stuff."

"She's right," Alex dares to add. "It's not a big deal, right?"

Wille sighs, and stares at other guy who's been with them, the driver. The guy raises a thumb and then Willie nods a little.

"Alright. Thank you, guys."

They lay in the sand and his friends start asking Willie questions. A lot of them. They ask him how old is he -twenty-two-, where was he born -Willie was born literally in the middle of the sea, on a boat, near Hawaii, because his mom wanted it that way. She was from the States, though, and if Willie _must_ answer he says he's from there too. He has a small apartment in Florida, but he rarely spends time on land nowadays, if he plays any instrument -he plays the ukulele and piano, but not that much. He prefers singing- and then Flynn asks him if he has a girlfriend, and Alex finds that a really _inappropriate_ question, but Willie laughs.

"Nah," he answers, "I used to have boyfriend a couple of years ago, but long distance like this never works."

"It must be hard," Reggie says. "You know, travelling all the time."

"Not when travelling is your only true love."

Julie chuckles. "You sound like Luke when he's talking about music."

Luke huffs. "That's- well, that's true. Actually, speaking about music-"

There's a guy a couple of feet away from them, and he seems to be sleeping but there's a guitar by his side. Luke points at him with his head. "Do you think he'll let me borrow it?"

"I'll give you five bucks if you convince him of giving it to you." Alex dares.

Luke stands up, a huge grin on his face. "Okay."

The guy does let him borrow the guitar, and Alex groans and hands him the five-dollar-bill. "I hate you," he mutters.

Luke blows him a kiss. "I'll let you decide what you want me to sing."

Of course that's not true, because when Alex opens his mouth to speak, Luke's already tuned the guitar and he starts playing it, a melody he recognizes from a couple of months ago, a song he was beginning to write.

The song seems to be finished now, though, because Julie starts singing it, her voice confident and gorgeous, as always. Reggie starts singing too and then Flynn and Carrie sing too. A little crowd of people approach them because the song's good, and his friends sound just so- sure of it, as if they had rehearsed it before, and the people in the beach start clapping along.

The thing is, Alex doesn't know the song. And that makes him kind of sad.

Then he figures he's being dramatic, so he claps along and listens to his friends' singing.

The people around them clap when Luke finishes, and Luke smiles and bows and Alex rolls his eyes a little.

"That was so good," Willie tells them. "You guys are musicians?"

Julie shrugs. "Luke and I are music majors, but everyone here does music too."

Willie turns to look at Alex. "You sing too?"

Alex feels himself flushing, his heart sinking to his stomach.

Reggie answers for him. "He does."

"No I don't."

"You do," Reggie pouts. Carrie sighs.

"He kind of does. But yeah, we all love music."

Willie smiles. "That's great. There's karaoke tonight at the ship, if you're interested in that. At the ninth deck."

"Oh, I wanna do that!" Reggie tells him, pouting a little. "Alex, can we please do that?" Alex wants to tell him that he doesn't need his permission to do anything, but then he understands that he wants Alex to sing with him. He doesn't want to, not really, so he looks at Julie because she always saves him in times like these, but Julie's also wearing that pleading look, so he sighs.

"Yeah, sounds cool."

"Awesome!" Luke punches him playfully in the shoulder. "We'll have so much fun, you'll see."

They have lunch in a small, pretty restaurant and by the time they get back to the cruise port, it's only three p.m. He doesn't want to leave Aruba.

Willie pats him on the shoulder. "I get the feeling," he tells him, and Alex wonders how is that he knows exactly what he's feeling. "I never want to leave the places I visit, but trust me- you'll feel like this every time we leave one of the stops."

Alex smiles. "I'll just have to come back some time, I guess. Maybe visit the whole island."

"That sounds like an awesome idea."

Willie says goodbye and Alex goes back to his room, thankful for the sudden coolness of the air conditioner. Luke and Reggie walk behind him, and they lay in their beds for some minutes, tired, while Reggie talks about the awesome pictures he took and the editing he wants to do and stuff. He's gotten really into photography since he got close to Julie's dad.

Alex realizes how much he's missed him; how much he's missed his _friends._ They've been asking if he's going back to college for the next semester and the truth is that he doesn't know yet. He doesn't feel like he's ready, especially because the place is full of memories, but he doesn't want to go back home and keep doing nothing, trapped between four cold, white walls. He wishes he had another option.

They don't do much that afternoon. Carrie convinces him of going to another dance class, without Flynn because she's hanging out with Julie somewhere. Luke and Reggie are doing something, somewhere, probably pissing off some staff. Reggie's probably flirting with every single person he finds. They have dinner and go to the theatre, and the show, as always, is amazing. They're doing ballet that night, and Alex watches mesmerized as the dancers twirl and move graciously even when the ship sways violently.

"Time for karaoke!" Luke tells him, passing his arm around his shoulders.

The little club they go to it's crowded. The chairs and the tables look fancy, but the music is loud and the laughter and conversations are too. Carrie gets them a table and they sit around it, watching the people go on stage and sing their drunk hearts out.

His heart is beating like crazy, because he's not sure if he wants to sing in front of that many people, but it does sound fun. He hasn't done anything like this in a long time, and he misses the way he felt standing in the lighthouse, staring at the sea, and maybe singing stupid songs with his friends will make him feel _alive_ again.

Flynn nudges him with her elbow out of the blue.

"Dude, is that Willie?"

Of course it's him. He's standing behind the bar, with that ridiculous white shirt, a small towel in his shoulder. And, okay, Alex doesn't know _that_ much about cruises, but he's pretty sure that the employees don't change specific jobs that often.

"I'll go bring us something to drink," he tells his friends, and he walks towards the bar. Towards Willie.

Willie receives him with a knowing smile.

"What can I get you today, piña colada?" He asks, leaning against the wood surface of the counter.

"Do you really do everything around here?" Alex's voice is- it's hard to describe. He sounds curious, but also teasing.

Willie chuckles. "Okay, I may have an unfair advantage because the chief of staff was friends with my mom. So he lets me, you know- have fun. Do whatever I want as long as I'm working. So sometimes I do waiter service or I do tours- sometimes I teach dance classes or perform if he's feeling nice."

"That's- okay."

Willie winks at him, and Alex feels like he's about to _melt._ "Don't tell anyone though. Let it be our dirty little secret."

Alex realizes something.

"So you chose to be here today?"

That makes Willie flush a little. "Kind of. I mean, I did want to see your friends sing a little more, so- now I'm here. What can I get you?"

"You know what I want."

Alex stays sitting on the bar, just watching Willie work, pretending he's too busy drinking his cocktail. Willie smiles at the clients and switches from English to Spanish and to French so easily it's impressive. He pours drinks and sings along under his breath, moving his head to the rhythm of the songs. God, he's adorable.

When he's done with his drink, Willie immediately passes him another one.

"Thanks," he says with a smile.

Julie comes after him. "Dude, you were supposed to bring _us_ drinks," she tells him, punching him in the shoulder.

"Oh, right."

Willie stares at them and laughs a little. Alex hides behind his drink.

"It's almost our turn," Julie sits beside him and asks for something. "What do you want to sing first?"

Alex frowns. "Maybe you guys should sing. I'll only embarrass myself."

Julie grabs his hands. "You know you can't keep doing this forever," her eyes are serious but her voice is gentle. Willie takes a step back, and goes talk with another costumer, and Alex is silently thankful for that. "I've been through this, Alex, I get you. I really do. But, just- I know you have to take your time and stuff. But trying to do the things you enjoyed doing before all that helps. I promise it does."

"I don't know."

Julie sighs a little. "Join us when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay."

Julie leaves with her drink in her hand, and Alex watches as she talks to his friends.

"So you're not singing today?"

The voice is a little loud, and Alex jumps a little in his seat. Willie's staring at him with an eyebrow raised, his arms crossed.

"I- well, it's not- I just- I don't sing. Standing in front of people- it makes me really anxious."

Willie hums.

"Did you know that singing actually helps with anxiety?"

Alex raises an eyebrow. "Does it?"

"I mean, maybe not the minutes before getting on stage and stuff, but the moment itself," Willie raises his arm and takes a deep, theatrical breath. "It's weirdly liberating."

"Do you sing?"

"Sometimes," Willie shrugs. "Do you? And don't lie to me."

Alex thinks about it for a second. About the months of deafening silence, and he decides he's getting tired of them.

"I do."

He finishes the rest of his cocktail with a big gulp and walks towards his friends.

"Ready to sing?" He asks, hugging Julie. Julie hugs him back.

"I always am."

The karaoke is messy, even if Alex feels like he's about to burst out with accumulated anxiety and fear. As the song goes on, though, he feels himself letting go, his breathing becomes more relaxed and the next thing he knows he's messing around with his friends, singing embarrassingly loudly in front of a ton of strangers, screaming into a mic besides Carrie and Flynn.

 _God,_ he's missed being on a stage.

When their song is over, there's clapping he doesn't really pay attention to. He stumbles down the stage, leaning against Luke, who's laughing loudly at something Julie said.

They sit on their table and talk and laugh as other people go on the stage.

By the time Alex feels like he's about to fall asleep in the middle of the club, -can he call them clubs?- there's only a few people left, and the staff has come out to clean the place.

"We should go get some sleep," Carrie tells them, her head resting against Flynn's shoulder. "I'm dead."

"Yeah, me too," Reggie yawns.

Alex stands up and starts walking towards the exit, and then he decides to say goodbye to Willie, before he can regret it.

"Hey," Alex says. Willie looks up at him with a smile.

"I can't give you any more drinks, we're officially closed."

"Oh, I- didn't come for a drink."

Willie giggles. "You were great on stage. It would've been sad if you hadn't done that."

"Thanks, I guess. Oh and, you definitely should tell me where you're going to sing. If you- um- if you sing, you know. Tell me so I can go hear you." Alex stumbles through his words, trying to not sound like a fool. He probably fails.

Willie flushes a little, though, and Alex wonders why. He was being completely awkward.

"I'll tell you if a chance comes up, don't worry."

Alex nods.

"Oh, and- um- when we get to Jamaica, should we- I mean- should I get another tour?" He _really_ hopes Willie gets what he means with his words. He wants him to be their guide too. He waits a couple of seconds as Willie stands up straighter, watching one of his co-workers walk by, and Alex feels his heart beating heavily against his chest.

When the co-worker's gone, though, Willie winks at him.

Alex realizes he tends to do that a lot.

"Yeah, you definitely should," he tells him.

"Good."

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! a couple of things:  
> 1\. the Guadirikiri cave does exist, and the legend Willie mentions about it it's true, but I changed it a little bit for, again, plot convenience.  
> 2\. thanks for reading! your kudos and your comments make me fjbuerbuebrb i love y'all  
> 3\. english is not my first language and I'm actually translating most of this instead of writing it so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes


	4. montego bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: the beginning of this chapter is a little heavy, and it talks about serious, um, stuff. This is not really a trigger warning but I do think it's good to give y'all a heads up. The rest of it it's just my usual cheesy stuff.

Alex remembers that night way too clearly, which is weird, because he usually has the worst memory ever.

He tends to forget where he puts his stuff or what he was supposed to pick up at the grocery store. He's completely unable to remember addresses or phone numbers, and sometimes he even forgets his cell phone's password. He forgets names and faces and everyone's always teasing him about his poor memory.

But that night he remembers ridiculously clearly, every word and every smell, every single feeling. He's been reliving it for the last six months, the bright images and deafening sounds burning against his closed eye lids.

It started as every other day. He went to class and he hanged out with his friends, he had lunch with Carrie and then went home. They laughed and they smiled.

Alex wasn't really sure about sharing an apartment with his brother at first, because he'd been more than ready to move from home and start living his own life, but they were going to the same college after all, his brother in the graduate program, and sharing was the less expensive choice.

But it had been cool.

Alex had never been close to his brother, not really. They were complete opposites, and if he would've had to choose between one of his siblings, he would've chosen his little sister. But moving in with him had made them really, really close, and in the last two years Alex couldn't really remember a single moment he'd spent without his brother.

He was there when Alex bought his first drum set and he was there, by his side, trying to figure out how to put it together. He was there when he got drunk for the first time, and he was there when Alex told him he was gay, drowned by the dull comfort of alcohol running through his veins.

He was there when he went on a date and it turned out as the worst night ever, because the guy was a douche. He was there when Julie invited him to play with her for one of her classes. He was there when the anxiety got bad, when he felt like breathing was impossible, when everything was just- too much.

Alex's been lucky enough to have the best friends ever throughout all his life, Luke and Reggie have always been there for him. Julie's been one of his biggest supporters ever since they met, and then he met Flynn and Carrie and yeah, he's got people who he loves, and a _lot._

But his brother's always been _there._

But that night his brother had fought about something with his dad, he remembers that clearly. He remembers the screams and the anger and wanting to hide in his room as his brother screamed at his phone.

He remembers the smoke and the ambulance sirens, a shrieking sound bursting his eardrums. He remembers _everything._

His brother had always been there, and then suddenly he wasn't.

He'd never be anywhere again.

* * *

Alex wakes up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting and _remembering._ It takes him a minute to figure out that he's in his cabin, in the middle of the Caribbean Sea, trying to run away from his memories.

His breathing is heavy, a raspy, failed attempt. The lights turn on, and the sudden brightness makes him dizzy, so he closes his eyes. Someone's talking to him, in a soft, worried tone, and he can't really tell if it's Reggie or Luke. He's heavily aware of every single, stupid, unimportant thing that's happening around him, and he can feel the rocking of the ship under his bed, and surprisingly, the swaying calms him down a little.

No one touches him, and he's thankful for that. He just waits, covering his face with his hands, forcing himself to stop remembering. He needs to stop. But it's hard. It's really, really hard, and he's worried he'll never be able to forget, not really.

"Alex, dude, talk to me."

His senses tell him it's Luke who's talking to him. Luke, who wasn't there that night, but was the first one to show up when he heard the news, sweating like crazy because he had run all the way from his apartment. Luke, who texted him every day while he was in college and Alex was laying in his bed, too overwhelmed to do anything.

"I'm sorry," he croaks.

He takes his hands away from his face, trying to get used to the light. Luke's standing by his side, wearing a tank top and his boxers, his hair a mess. He looks tired, and Alex feels guilty for waking him up.

"Don't apologize," Reggie's voice comes from the other side of his bed. His friend's sitting with his legs crossed beside him, and he looks like a kicked, sad puppy. "Did you- um- have a nightmare?"

Alex sighs. "Yeah, something like that. It's not a big deal, don't worry."

"Of course we worry," Luke scoffs and pushes him a little, managing to sit on his small bed too. "We've been worried for a while."

"Well, you shouldn't. I'm okay."

Reggie rolls his eyes. "You haven't really talked to us since we got here. Since we came back from college, actually."

"Of course I've talked to you! We've been talking non-stop, dudes, I don't know what you're talking about."

"But we haven't _really_ talked, you know? Your dad said-"

"I don't care what my dad said!" Alex's aware he's raised his voice, and he actually hates screaming at his friends, so he takes a deep breath and tries to keep calm. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I just- I don't want to talk about it, okay? We're on- I don't know. Vacation or something. I don't want to talk about _that."_

Reggie chuckles a little. "I thought you said going on a cruise was a bad idea."

"I said dying on a _ship wreck_ was a bad idea. But we haven't died yet, so-"

Luke rolls his eyes. "He likes the ship 'cause he's got a crush on Willie."

"I don't."

Luke pats him in the arm. "Of course you don't."

"Isn't that like, forbidden or something?" Reggie asks. "I'm pretty sure you can't date a crew member."

Alex shoves him, and Reggie has to hold on to Luke to keep himself from falling off the bed. They all laugh a little.

"You sure you're okay?" Luke asks one more time, and Alex bites his tongue not to scream.

"Yeah."

"We can sleep in the same bed" Reggie offers. "You know, so you won't have more nightmares."

Alex's about to make fun of Reggie for his childish offer, but when he really thinks about it, it doesn't sound like a bad idea.

"Okay."

It must look ridiculous, three twenty-year-olds trying to fit together in a small, cruise cabin bed, but they make it work. Between that and the constant swaying he's learned to love, he does have a good night's sleep.

* * *

They have another full day at sea ahead of them, and Alex honestly thought he'd get bored on those days, but it turns out to be the complete opposite of that. There's just a lot to do on board, and he finds himself surprisingly busy the whole day.

That afternoon he finds Willie on the pool bar, but he can't really talk to him because the place is crowded.

Willie looks at him with an apologetic smile as he hands him another piña colada.

"Take care," he tells Alex, and then Alex's gone because someone behind him is screaming at Willie to hurry up, in a clipped, annoyed tone, and Alex has to keep himself from getting angry at the guy.

"So," Julie tells him when goes back to the place they've made their own near the pool. She's laying on a chair, letting the sun soak her skin. "Did you have fun staring at your crush?"

"You guys are seriously exaggerating with this crush thing," Alex answers, laying on a chair beside her. "He's cute, but that's it."

Flynn hums from her own chair. "That's why we're booking another tour with him for tomorrow, Mr. 'I don't like guide tours’?"

Alex feels himself flushing. "You have to admit that his tours are good. We could- it's a- um- it's a good way to really know the places we visit, okay?"

"Whatever you say."

Reggie finds out there's a pizza buffet in one of the restaurants and they spend the rest of the afternoon there, eating until he feels like he's about to explode.

The next day, he wakes up really early, and leaves the room as silently as he can, trying not to wake his friends up. He goes to the lido deck, climbing the stairs quickly, praying that there won't be a lot of people on his favorite spot of the ship- the very front of it, where the sight is the best.

The sky's clearing, and he can see the sun rising. He leans against the railing and lets out a sigh. He really, really loves this. The ship's still moving, and he can see Jamaica approaching them, a green, big spot decorated with colorful buildings. The port is full of ships, big and small, and he can see cars and people, and he's suddenly really excited.

When the ship stops at the port, Alex stays there until a hand presses against his shoulder.

He lets out a little scream, and Carrie laughs.

"I knew you'd be here. Come on, I want to take advantage of the day as much as we can."

The have breakfast and then they go to the third deck, and Alex's anxiety completely melts away when he realizes that Willie's waiting for them, leaning against the wall, beside the lady in the counter.

"Good morning," he greets, giving them a military salute, his mouth fighting back a smile.

The lady -Patricia, if Alex remembers correctly- rolls her eyes but smiles and taps something in her computer.

"You guys are really snatching our best tour away, huh?"

"Oh, Patty," Willie waves his arm mockingly. "I know you love me. Now, if you come with me-"

Willie drops his employee formality as soon as they're out of the ship.

"Well, what do you guys feel like doing?"

Montego Bay's cruise port is bigger but more- industrial-ish, its entrance open and full of cargo ships and trailers full of- stuff. The place is also busier, full of people walking and talking excitedly, loud music coming through the terminal's speaker.

"What do you recommend?" Luke asks, taking his sun glasses off. He's holding Julie's hand, but Alex decides not to say anything.

"There's a lot to do around here. There's a lot of beaches and you guys could go snorkeling or something, but- um- my favorite place here is Dunn's River Falls. It's gorgeous."

"What's that?" Flynn asks.

"A national park," Willie explains. "It's near to Ocho Ríos, about an hour from here. There's a beach and a place to eat and stuff, and you get to visit Jamaica by car. Oh, and the best part- the River Falls. You get to climb them."

That seems to grab Reggie's attention. "We get to climb a _waterfall?"_

Willie raises his eyebrows with a grin. "Yeah, it's the best thing ever."

"I wanna go there!"

No one can really say no to Reggie, so they end up going there. Willie tells them to wait as he goes get them a driver, and he comes back ten minutes later with a smile and his friend, Dante.

They get on a van, and Alex feels stupidly excited about the fact that the driver's seat is on the right side of the car. It's kind of fancy.

"Oh, you should put on some Bob Marley," Flynn tells them, and Willie turns around from his place in the front seat with a smile.

"Every single person, man," he tells Dante between an -adorable- chuckle. "Every single person who comes to Jamaica asks to listen to Bob Marley."

The drive goes by surprisingly quickly. Jamaica's pretty, really different from Aruba. They drive through the highway, huge hotels and resorts coming up by their side. The other side of the highway is just full of trees and vegetation, the sun shines strongly, and the music's kind of- it's weird to describe. He feels like he's living in the scene of a movie. Willie talks about Montego Bay and its culture and traditions a little, but he spends the rest of the drive singing, as everyone else.

An hour later, they get to Dunn's River Falls, and the first thing he notices is the people who make it out of their climb. They're wet and panting but they look _happy._

Alex's only a _little_ scared.

They descend hundreds of big, stone steps, walking by little shops and restrooms. The waterfall roars by their side, clear water running freely through huge rock formations, surrounded by trees.

"That doesn't look too bad," Julie mutters, staring at the kids and adults jumping and swimming.

"That's the easy part to climb," Willie explains. "There's quite a lot of options, and there's really easy places to climb. But if you want to get the full experience-"

"Oh, we _want_ the full experience," Carrie sounds like it's a challenge, ready to beat every single waterfall that comes across her path.

"Alright."

They get the special shoes they're supposed to get and stand on the end of the waterfall, and Alex hears the water, well, _fall_ , and he can't help but fear that he will fall too, and hit his head against one of the huge rocks and _die._

Maybe he's exaggerating a little.

"You guys can hire a guide from the park," Willie explains. "This thing's actually quite hard to accomplish without someone who _knows_ the place. Or, well, I could be your guide, if you decide to trust me and stuff."

Alex smiles at that. "You know the place?"

Willie huffs. "I've climbed this thing like twenty times. It's all about knowing the water streams and know where to step. But I understand if you want to hire an actual certified guide."

Flynn shakes her head. "Nah, we wanna do it with you. Right, guys?"

They all nod, so Willie draws the biggest smile Alex's ever seen and claps his hands. "Alright, listen then."

He explains the climb a little, and Alex loses his fear as Willie talks about taking breaks if they need them, but then he gets worried when Willie tells them that if they decide to do it, they can't give up in the middle of it. They _need_ to keep going until they finish their climb.

"Oh, yeah, and since you're all beginners we have to hold hands. It's the only way we'll keep each other from, you know, tripping and dying."

"Tripping and _what?"_

Willie laughs. "I'm kidding," he says, and he can hear his friends laughing too. "No one's going to die on my watch, I promise. Ready?"

"Hell yeah!" Luke yells.

"Perfect. Here, Alex. Hold my hand and don't let go."

The words leave him feeling electrified.

He clears his throat. "Okay, yeah. Okay."

Willie's grip is firm, his fingers curling around his hand and Alex feels like he's about to die. He takes Reggie's hand too and they start climbing.

The thing's way more fun than he'd thought it'd be, and he realizes he's been saying that a lot about this trip. The currents push him a little but Willie pulls him, and he pulls Reggie who pulls the others. There's quite a lot of people, and there's still music and Willie's saying _something,_ but he's too busy focusing on _not_ slipping.

They stop a couple of times to swim around a little, or to take a couple of pictures with the ridiculous, old-fashioned waterproof camera Luke has bought on a gift shop. The thing is, he gets tired really quickly, and when they're halfway done, he steps on _something,_ -he's pretty sure it's a stupid rock- and he goes crashing down.

"Woah," he hears, and then he realizes that Willie has caught him.

Oh _god_ he feels like dying. He would've preferred drowning, because Willie's grabbing him in an awkward hug, his hands around his back, and their faces are really, really close.

"You okay?" Willie asks, and Alex realizes he makes no attempt to move his face away. Alex clears his throat and tries to stand up, and _then_ he realizes that somehow, they're still holding hands. He takes his hand away from Willie's as Willie helps him to regain his footing.

"Yeah," he lets out, in a high-pitched whisper. "Yeah, sorry about that."

They're in the middle of an incline, so he looks down at his friends. They're all staring at him with smug, stupid grins, and Alex's really tempted to push Reggie so he and the rest of them go crashing down the waterfall.

Willie offers him a little smile. "That's why we hold hands. C'mon, there's not much trek left. You've got this."

He extends his hand and Alex takes it, and even if they're kind of wet and sweaty he feels like Willie's skin is burning against his.

When they finally make it to the top of the waterfall, Alex feels like he's about to _die_. He feels a little embarrassed about the way he's panting helplessly until he realizes that the rest of his friends are struggling with that too.

Willie's the only one who looks like he's not about to pass out.

"That was fun, huh?" He says, untying his hair, smiling widely.

Reggie sags against him, and Alex stumbles a little under his weight. "Can we do it again?"

Julie does the same as Reggie, sagging against his other side, and Alex struggles to grab her too. "Please, let's not."

Willie chuckles. "You guys actually did faster than a lot of other people. I'm impressed."

Carrie smiles. "Does that mean we won?"

"It wasn't- a competition," Willie says, staring at her with a confused smile. "But yeah, I mean- if you want to take it that way. You won."

Alex finds it incredibly stupid that after that climb they have to go down _again,_ but that's where the beach is, and he really wants to lay in the sand and sleep. He doesn't care if the ship leaves them.

The beach's mostly empty, but they all buy something to drink and Alex's impressed by the lack of waves in the ocean. It all looks like a huge swimming pool, and it's just- beautiful.

He has like, an hour of peace, until an idea occurs to Luke.

There's this guy renting jet skis near them, and Alex can see a couple of people on them, in the sea. It does look cool.

"I dare you to do it," Luke tells him, throwing his towel at him from where he's laying beside Julie in the sand.

"Do what?"

"Rent a jet ski."

Alex laughs. "Dude, I don't even know how to ride a bike."

"I'll give you fifty bucks if you do it."

Okay, that _does_ sound appealing.

Carrie looks at them with an incredulous smile. "Do you want the kid to die?"

"He's not going to _die,_ I just want him to do it first so I can see if it's fun or not."

Alex shows him his middle finger but stands up and starts walking towards the little jet ski stand. He almost makes it there when he realizes he can't.

"Nope," he says, turning around. "I don't know how those work, and I don't want a _stranger_ to take me."

Willie looks up from his phone. "I can take you," he offers, sounding casual, as if it wasn't a big deal.

Luke grins. "There you go. Now you can."

"Do you, um- do you know how to ride a jet ski?" He asks Willie.

Willie smiles again and ties his hair. "Of course I do."

"Is there anything you _can't_ do?" Flynn sounds impressed, which is something actually hard to accomplish. Willie seems to flush at that.

"It's not that hard. If you want to, we can rent one."

Alex doesn't know how, but he manages to nod.

Ten minutes later, he's staring at Willie, who's sitting on the jet ski, and he's starting to regret this.

"I promise it'll be fun," Willie tells him when he notices he's nervous. "You just have to sit back there and hold on to me."

Yeah, _that's_ the part he's nervous about. But then he notices his friends are staring at them with stupid smiles on, and he doesn't want to look like an idiot, so he bites his lips and gets on the jet ski. Willie's wearing a thin tank top and Alex's heavily aware of that when he passes his arms around his waist.

"We'll go slow at first," Willie explains. He moves his wrist and the engine roars to life. "Ready?"

"Yeah, I just-" he can't finish speaking because Willie starts the jet ski and Alex can literally feel his soul leaving his body.

He really thinks Willie should reevaluate his definition of _slow._

The speed of the jet ski makes the water splash towards them, and he gets soaked really quickly. He's aware that he's hugging Willie desperately, hiding his head against his back.

"Oh," he says, cleaning his throat. "This is actually fun."

"Do you want me to go faster?" Willie has to scream for Alex to hear him.

He turns his head a little and realizes they're actually quite far from the shore, his friends are just small dots he can't recognize. The water's surprisingly clear and blue around them.

"Um-"

"Let's try something," Willie yells at him. "I'll accelerate just a little, and you scream if you want me to start going faster."

"Scream?"

"Yeah!" Willie speeds the jet ski up and he lets out an unvoluntary scream, and Willie goes even _faster._ At first, he's really scared, he really, really is, but as the seconds pass, he realizes the emptiness in his stomach and the adrenaline running heavily through his veins are a good mix, and he starts screaming because he wants to see how fast is Willie willing to go.

They must look ridiculous, especially when Willie starts screaming back at him. Just two guys in a jet ski, one holding to the other for dear life, screaming their lungs out.

By the time they go back to the beach, Alex can't stop smiling. He doesn't want to let go of Willie.

But he has to.

"So," Luke asks when he gets down of the jet ski. "Was it fun?"

"Yeah," he grins. "It was. Give me my fifty dollars."

The rest of his friends go jet skiing too, and Alex stays sitting in the sand, watching them, Willie by his side. They climb the hundreds of stairs again and get back on the van, where Dante's waiting. By the time they get back to the cruise port, he doesn't want to leave Jamaica.

God, is this going to happen with every single place they visit?

They get on board and then Willie says goodbye, with a polite, professional smile Alex had forgotten he was able to draw.

"Oh, and Alex?" He adds at the end, when Reggie and Luke are already running to one of the restaurants. "You asked me to tell you if I ever performed."

"Um, yeah?"

"Well, something came up and I'm singing tonight at the seventh deck bar, if you're interested, you know. At ten."

"Oh," he lets out, and he really doesn't know what to say so he licks his lips and forces out a smile. "Good. I- uh- I'll be there."

Willie winks at him. "Great. See you there, piña colada."

Alex starts counting down the hours.

* * *

After a talk with his friends, he decides to go alone. He doesn't know why, but he just feels like this is something he should do on his own.

Flynn tells him it's because he wants to watch his crush without embarrassing himself in front of others, and _maybe_ it's true, but Alex's not telling them that.

The bar's even more elegant than the others he’s been to, and he sits in one corner of the room, trying not to bring attention to himself.

There's a little stage in front of him, a lady sitting behind a piano, and mic stand with no one behind it.

And then the lights dim a little, and someone goes on stage and it takes Alex a minute to realize it's Willie.

He's wearing a black shirt with dark, red roses on it, way too big for him. His hair is loose, falling over his shoulders, a little of it hiding his face. He says hello in a polite tone, and then stares at the pianist, who starts playing a quiet, slow melody.

That's when Willie starts singing, and- and _woah._

His voice is lower than he'd thought it'd be, caressing the notes carefully, almost with fear. There’re people still talking around them, chatting carelessly, and a lot of waiters handing people things, the ambiance busy, but the only thing Alex can focus on is _Willie._

The song's kind of sad, but in a good way. It makes him feel things, and that's what music's supposed to do.

He doesn't sing more than three songs, but Alex can tell he's having fun on stage, and he remembers thinking Willie was made to be _looked_ at.

He was right.

Alex claps like crazy when Willie says goodbye to the mic, his loud cheering standing out from the polite, soft clapping of everyone else in the bar. He doesn't care.

He catches Willie when he's leaving the bar, ready to go to sleep.

"That was- wow," he says, his voice trembling a little. Alex doesn't know if it's admiration or nervousness.

"Thanks," Willie answers sheepishly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "It was good. I hadn't done that in a while."

"You're really good."

Willie shrugs with a nonchalant smile. "I try my best."

"Um- I wanted to ask you. Should I book a tour tomorrow?"

Willie flushes, and his smile falls a little. "I mean, if you want to, but there's no way they're letting me do tours tomorrow. They need me doing another stuff."

"Oh."

Willie chuckles a little, and Alex figures he must look stupidly disappointed.

"You'll probably be happy to get rid of me for a while."

"Not really," he dares to say. "You're the best part of this whole cruise." He feels his eyes opening widely, shocked by what he just said. "Respectfully, I mean. You're a- really good crew member. I'll give you a five-star rating."

Willie lays a hand on his shoulder, and Alex wonders if he's allowed to do that.

"You're good too, Alex. I wish-" Willie interrupts himself really quickly, and then shakes his head and clears his throat. "Nothing. Forget it. I'll see you around, though, I'll probably be working at the lido deck bar all day."

Alex really wants to know what he was about to say, but he knows better than to keep pushing.

"I'll see you then," he says.

Willie winks. Again. _God._

"Of course you will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everybody say thank you to Jamaica for having an attraction where you literally have to hold hands.


	5. george town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willie chapter? Willie chapter

Sometimes, late at night, when the waves rocking the ship are the only thing that keeps him company, Willie wonders if he'll ever be able to leave the ship.

He's been waiting for the moment a long time now, saving every single coin he finds until he has enough to buy a ship of his own. The thing is, ships are expensive, and _a lot_ to manage, especially if you're alone.

So yeah, sometimes he thinks it's not the best idea in the world to quit his job and hope for the best. He _loves_ his job, he really does, but he's getting sick of the tired, grumpy passengers who think he belongs to them, another attraction to stare at and demand things of. He's getting tired of scrubbing the floors every morning, when the sun's not even completely visible yet, of receiving orders and having to say yes without a single second of hesitation.

There’re things he loves, things he doesn't want to ever stop doing, like travelling and visiting new places every couple of days. He likes being in the sea, he likes leaning against the railing, watching the ocean beneath him, just _feeling._

That's still a long time from now, though. The ship's waiting for him, and he'll have time to worry about it once he saves enough money to buy it.

For now, he's got the rest of the night free, and he's going to take a shower hoping that there's still some hot water left, and sleep until Nick starts screaming at him that it's late. Sounds like a good plan.

While he walks to his cabin, the only thing he can think of is Alex. And it's stupid, because he's met thousands of people, from all over the world, but there's _something_ about him he can't quite put his finger on.

Maybe it's the way he offered to help when Willie was feeling like he was drowning under hundreds of angry, nauseous people. No one had ever done that before, and Willie had panicked for a second because he's supposed to refuse help from passengers, but he had _needed_ it. And then they had gotten stuck in the closet, and Willie had just- talked, because that's what you're supposed to do when there's nothing left to pass the time.

And Alex was- well, he still doesn't know how to describe it. He just wanted to know more about him. His curiosity's always getting him in trouble, after all. So he had pulled in some favors and replaced a friend as a waiter that night at dinner. And then had asked Caleb if he could do tours again. And then- well, he's done a _lot_ to get to be with Alex, and he's not sure if Caleb will keep indulging him with that kind of stuff.

The cabin he lives in is ridiculously small. Just a bunk bed, two desks, a bathroom and the smallest closet to ever exist. He hasn't had anything bigger than that in a long while. He remembers the time when his mom was alive, and he lived in the captain cabin, one of the biggest cabins in the cruise. That was really long ago, though, and he's gotten used to living in the small place.

He's supposed to be working at the pool bar at nine a.m., but he gets there at eight-thirty and starts cleaning his stuff. The thing he likes about Grand Cayman it's that the ship doesn't go to the shore of the island, they stay in the middle of the sea, and the passengers have to leave in smaller boats. He likes the view from there, the island a colorful spot shining in his view.

He hasn't been there in almost six months now. He misses the place, the big banks and the gorgeous beaches, the chickens walking around.

Don't ask.

"Hey there," a voice calls. Willie looks up and stares at one of his coworkers, Paola, a Colombian girl who's usually handing towels by the beach. There are few people on board, the few ones who decide not to visit the places they stop at, and everyone's still having breakfast, so the lido deck is mostly empty.

"Hi," he answers, offering a smile.

"Nick told me you sang yesterday," she says, a playful grin dancing in her lips. "Who were you trying to impress?"

Willie scoffs.

"No one. What are you talking about?"

Paola leans against his just-cleaned bar, so he shoves her away. "You only sing when you're trying to impress someone, dude, I know you. You hate owing favors to Caleb."

"Well, I just felt like singing, alright? I've had a busy couple of days and music always clears my head."

Paola rolls her eyes. "That's why rumor has it you're chasing after a blond boy?"

"Who _told_ you that?" He asks, his blood freezing a little.

"Nick, maybe.”

"Dude, that's not true, okay? I'm just- messing around."

"You're _always_ messing around. Honestly, Willie, you know the rules-"

"Of course I know them. Now, go hand your towels and I'll prepare my stupid cocktails."

Paola leaves and Willie keeps on cleaning his stuff. He's not- he doesn't- he's not chasing after anyone. He's just _curious._

And he's convinced Caleb of letting him do worse things that changing positions way too many times. Caleb likes him.

Well, Caleb knew his mom and he feels like he owes her something so he lets him break some rules. He wonders how he'll react when Willie tells him that he's been thinking about quitting his job.

The day passes slowly, the heat's strong but the people are nice, at least. Around three p.m., Alex shows up.

He's wearing a pink t-shirt, what he likes to call tourist-shorts and sunglasses. His hair is shaking a little thanks to the ever-present breeze, and his smile is big. He recognizes one of his friends -Carrie, he's pretty sure- behind him.

"Oh, hi there, piña colada," he greets, trying to sound cool. "You guys are back already?"

Alex nods. "We went swimming with stingrays. It was fun until Reggie started asking if he could take one home, and we left early so he wouldn't get _more_ attached."

Willie chuckles. "That sounds- fun. What can I get for you guys?"

He manages to stretch the conversation as much as possible, until more people gather around the bar. Alex leaves with a small smile, and Willie realizes he's left his drink in the bar, barely touched. He stares at it for a second, and convinces himself that there's no way Alex went to the bar _just_ to talk to him.

After his lunch break, he heads back to one of the stores on board, because he owes somebody a favor and he needs to cover for them, so he sits behind the register begrudgingly and gets ready for the most boring position _ever._

The early afternoon passes painfully slowly, until Luke and Julie show up.

(Willie's eighty per cent sure those are Luke and Julie. He's always been the worst at remembering names. Alex's is the only one who he can't seem to forget.)

"Oh, hey," he greets with a polite smile. There are some more people in the store, and he doesn't want to look like they're his _friends_ or something. Professionality and stuff.

"I told you," Julie says, looking at Luke. "He does everything around here."

Willie chuckles. "You guys just seem to be everywhere. I'm actually covering someone's shift."

Luke raises an eyebrow. "Okay."

They walk around the store for a little, and when they come close to the register, holding an insane amount of overpriced candy bags, Luke leans towards him.

"We'll be hanging at the music room downstairs all afternoon, probably," he whispers. Willie doesn't really know what he means with all of it.

"That's- great," he lets out, unsure of what else to say.

Luke rolls his eyes. "You know, so you can see Alex."

Willie can swear he literally feels his heart skipping a beat. "I don't- why would I- that's not-"

Julie punches Luke in the shoulder.

"Sorry about him, he likes to think he knows everything."

Willie manages to nod. "Good to know you're enjoying our facilities."

"Dude, you know what I'm talking about," Luke groans. "Just- you do your thing and show up conveniently."

And then Julie drags Luke out of the store, and Willie's left wondering.

Is he really being so obvious? _God_. He hasn't done anything wrong, not really, but there's a lot of accusations that could be held against him- or maybe he needs to stop overthinking stuff.

When he goes back to his cabin, Nick's there, tapping something in his computer. He lays in his bed, letting the rocking relax him. He's free for the rest of the night, and he's glad he's got nothing to do because tomorrow's a busy day, and he just wants to _sleep._

"Oh, Caleb asked to see you," Nick tells him, and Willie throws a pillow at him.

"You could've told me that before I got comfortable."

It's not often that Caleb personally asks to see someone. He's pretty much in charge of every crew member, and he's scary and reserved, limiting himself to sending their schedules over e-mail. Willie's known him for years now, back when he and his mom worked in the same cruise ship, and he knows when he's in a good or in a bad mood. If he has to be honest, he's rarely in a good mood.

Caleb's waiting for him in one of the employees-only spaces, sitting behind a computer, and looks up at him with an eyebrow raised.

"You're late," he tells him. Willie hides his annoyance.

"Nick just told me you wanted to see me. I came as soon as I heard."

Caleb hums, and Willie knows he doesn't really believe him.

"I just wanted to ask you something," Caleb continues, just after Willie takes a seat in front of him. "I've granted you a lot of things lately, you know. You asked to work at the restaurant, and then at one of the bars when it _was_ your turn to do waiter service. I let you start doing tours again, and I only do that when I'm feeling nice. So, I'm asking you to return the favor."

Oh, that sounds bad. Willie swallows.

"Um- yeah, sure, do you need me to work extra hours or something?"

"I need you to give up your free day."

"Caleb- I mean, um- Mr. Covington-" Willie feels like he's about to screw up, say something disrespectful, so he forces himself to keep calm. "You know how hard getting free days is. I asked for that day like, three weeks ago. Especially one where I get to, you know, leave the ship."

"I understand that, William, but I need waiters for a private event someone's holding and-"

Willie's really, really not going to give up his free day. They're becoming scarcer every time, and he's got stuff to do in Cancún. His future depends on it. Or, well, something like that.

"Please, Caleb. I'll work extra hours, and I won't ask for more favors, but, you know those days mean a lot to me. Do it for my mom."

And yeah, he hates using that card, but he's stubborn, and he is _not_ giving it up.

Caleb lets out a sigh.

"Alright, just because you mentioned her. But you owe me one," he hates owing people stuff, but Willie's fine with it this time. He needs to see her, and if he doesn't see her in two days when they get to Mexico, it'll probably be too late. "You always ask for free days when we go to Cancún," Caleb continues, raising an eyebrow. "Do I want to know why?"

Willie shrugs. "I just- really like Mexico."

"Yeah, sure. That's it, then. Remember, William, you owe me."

"Yes, sir. I won't forget."

"Use your free day wisely. Oh, and please take these to the seventh deck," Caleb hands him stuff that belongs to the recreational rooms, and then he remembers that's where Alex's supposed to be. He fights back a smile.

When he gets to the little music room that's honestly barely used, he sees Alex's friends leaving.

"Willie!" Reggie calls, waving at him.

Willie waves back as best as he can. He's holding a box full of water bottles and snacks. "Hi, guys."

Luke shoots him a smug grin. "See you," he says, as they walk towards the elevators. Alex's not with them.

He walks inside the music room, and Alex lets out a scream, followed by the sound of drum sticks falling against the floor. Willie jumps a little and turns to see him.

Alex's flushed, covering his face with his hand. He looks- adorable. Kind of. He's sitting behind the old drum set.

"You scared me," Alex explains, lowering his hand. He's smiling. "I thought you were- I don't know. Luke."

Willie smiles back at him, and leaves the box full of stuff on top of a desk. "You're scared of Luke?"

Alex rolls his eyes. "Nah, I just- fuck, I don't know. Sorry about the screaming."

Willie can't help but notice that Alex looks nervous sitting there, behind the drum kit. His hand's fidgeting with the hi-hat, making it resonate a little.

"So you sing and play?" He dares to ask Alex, pointing at the drum set. "You're like- a really talented guy."

Alex takes his hand away from the hi-hat as if it were burning.

"I don't play," Alex's words are a little shaky, and Willie can tell there's something he's hiding. He doesn't care, though. It's not like he needs to know everything about Alex. He wants to, yeah, but he doesn't _need_ to. "I was just- messing around."

"I get you," Willie nods. There's a small keyboard near him, so he takes a seat behind it and turns it on, letting his fingers remember the few chords he knows. "Music's always fun."

"Do _you_ play?" Alex asks him. Willie purses his lips and tries to remember the song his mom always used to play for him, letting his fingers fly around the keys. It's short and simple, a beautiful melody he's never heard anywhere else.

Alex smiles when he's over.

"So you're like, a super human who does absolutely everything right," he tells him, and Willie feels himself flushing a little. "Good to know."

"I just know how to do stuff you can find on a ship. I never learned how to fucking drive, dude."

Alex grins. "That's good. It means I know how to do something that you don't. Point for me."

"Is this a competition?"

Willie's aware that the ambiance is heavy between them, their voices daring and playful, and he _knows_ that this is not a professional, friendly conversation. He doesn't really care, though.

Alex looks down at the drums around them, and his hands start touching the cymbals again. He looks- nostalgic.

"I _did_ play," Alex admits. "I really liked it. Then I- six months ago, uh, I-"

"You don't have to tell me," Willie hurries to say. "If you're not ready or if you don't feel comfortable-"

Alex shakes his head and Willie shuts up.

"I was in an accident six months ago," his voice is shaky again. "My brother and I- well, it was _awful_ ," he continues, letting out a dry chuckle. "He- um, he passed away. Since then, I don't know. I dropped out of college, even if everyone keeps calling it 'taking a semester off.' And well, I just- I haven't played since then. I'm scared I've forgotten how to do it. That's ridiculous, I know, but-" he shrugs. "Everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't run away from my problems and keep doing the stuff I did before, but- sometimes running away sounds good. You know what I mean?"

"Dude, running away is the best thing ever."

Alex looks shocked at his words.

"You think so?"

"I mean, I'm really sorry about your brother. But I get you, you know? When my mom died- she was my only family. I was seventeen, and I had lived in ships pretty much my whole damn life. And then I was in a stupid foster home, for a whole year, and everyone kept telling me to move on and find new stuff to do, you know, stuff I didn't want anymore. So I turned eighteen and I got a job with the cruise company she used to work with, and I never looked back."

Alex hums. "I haven't- I don't want to move on and continue with my life as if nothing had happened."

"Exactly! A lot of people have told me that I'm running away from like, real life and stuff. And you know what? I don't care. Real life can go screw itself."

"That sounds- weirdly appealing."

"Yeah?"

Alex nods. "The past six months everyone's been waiting for me to be 'myself again,' you know? My dad sent me here because he- the accident- well, he feels guilty. And he thinks that I'll just- come back and be the person I was but- I don't think that person exists anymore. And it's weird, you know? Because my best friend, Julie, she lost someone too, when she was fifteen. And she keeps telling me that it gets better and stuff, but, we're different, I guess. She's stronger than me."

Willie shakes his head and advances towards Alex. "Everyone handles grief differently. If changing absolutely everything around you it's the way you deal with it- good for you, dude."

Alex looks up at him, and Willie realizes that the drum set it's the only thing separating them. They're really close. Closer than they should.

An idea occurs to him. It's probably a stupid one, but he can't help himself.

"Um, Alex?" He dares to say.

"Yes?"

"Um- the day after tomorrow, you know- I've got the day free. It means that I can do pretty much whatever I want."

Alex blinks. "Okay..." he sounds confused. Willie clears his throat.

"I don't know if you're interested but, um- we'll be in Mexico, and maybe, you know- we could spend the day together, just you and I. I can show you my favorite places, and stuff. Only if you want to."

His words are painfully low, scared, hesitant whispers. He's scared that Alex will say no.

Alex nods slowly, though. He's smiling a little.

"That sounds good," he tells him. "We can- yeah- sounds good."

Willie feels a huge grin forming in his face, and he doesn't feel like hiding it. "Great. I'll see you at nine thirty, outside the port. Oh, and _please_ don't tell anyone. I could get in trouble."

"Don't worry. You sure you're willing to assume that risk?"

Willie winks at him, because he does that when he's nervous.

"Of course. I have to go. I'll see you around, piña colada."

He leaves without looking back, aware that Alex's staring intensely at him. He's a little scared, but his fear is drowned by his excitement. No one will find out.

Besides, _if_ he's going to get in trouble, Alex is worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was a short one! It's just that the next one will be really long- i think. I hope. We'll see.


	6. cancún

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, this is me having no idea how cruise ship rules work

Alex is _not_ freaking out. He really isn't.

It's just that he _can't_ wait until tomorrow, and he can't remember the last time he was this excited about something. He doesn't know if it's lame, but he can literally feel his whole body vibrating with excitement.

He's in the lido deck, again, laying in one of the pool chairs, staring intensely at the bar. It's almost four p.m., he thinks, and he's been waiting for Willie to show up at his usual work behind the bar, but so far, he's had no luck.

It's not a big deal, right? It's not like he has to see him every single day-

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" Reggie asks, looking up from the deck of cards he's holding. "Can we go swimming with stingrays again?"

Julie rolls her eyes. "Preferably not. We could rent a car and drive through the city, buy some stuff-"

And then his friends start arguing, like they always do, between friendly banter and loud screams, and Alex stays in silence because he won't be there tomorrow with them, and he doesn't know how to explain it.

"Guys," Flynn calls, raising her hands. "You know how it goes. If we can't figure out what to do, Alex's the one who decides."

And they all turn to look at him, and Alex swallows.

He supposes he'll have to tell the truth. He trusts his friends not to tell anyone, after all.

"Actually," he clears his throat and sits up straight. "I- I may have plans," he lets out in a high-pitched whisper, stretching his words out.

Carrie lowers her sun glasses with her finger. She looks kind of scary. "What kind of plans?"

Alex can't help but smile as he tells them what happened yesterday afternoon. Willie's contagious smile and his piano playing start replaying in his brain, a never-ending movie he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget.

And yeah, maybe his crush _is_ getting kind of ridiculous, but he can't help it. He really, really can't.

He's been thinking about what Willie told him non-stop, his words about grief and moving on tattooed in his mind.

Real life can go screw itself. Sounds really good.

"So," he finishes, staring at the ground. He doesn't really want to see his friend's reactions. "That's what I'm doing tomorrow. You know, if you don't mind."

Reggie shakes his head. "Of course we don't mind, dude, good luck with-"

Julie interrupts him raising a hand. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Yeah, he was kind of expecting this.

"Well, I mean- you can't tell anyone, okay? He could get in trouble."

"That's the _point,"_ Flynn continues. "Dude, you're doing something _forbidden_ , and you know I'm all for crime and stuff, but- I think you're getting your hopes up."

"What hopes?" Alex is aware that he's pouting a little.

"Do you honestly see this going anywhere?"

Julie's question stings sharply, because he _has_ thought about this, and the answer scares him, so he's been avoiding it.

"There's _nothing_ to see," Alex tries to explain. "I'm just- you know. Having fun. That's the whole point of the trip, right?"

"I _know_ you, Alex," Julie sighs. "You don't 'have fun' with people. You fall head over heels, and a week from now we're going to be back in Los Angeles, and he's going to be here, or god knows where in the middle of the sea. There's no future."

"Julie's right," Flynn says. Alex wonders how is that they're always in sync. "A crush was fun and stuff, but a _date?_ I don't think it's a good idea."

"It's not a _date!"_ Alex's voice is a quick, desperate squeak. Flynn rolls her eyes.

"Carrie, tell your stupid friend this is a bad idea. He's going to get us kicked out of this ship, and there's no way I'm leaving until I visit Panama."

Carrie sighs. "Flynn's right. Alex, don't be stupid."

Flynn grins. "Thanks, babe."

They're being ridiculous. This is not- it's not a date, and he's not 'head over heels', and he can't get kicked out of the ship.

At least he hopes he can't.

"Well, maybe they're kind of right," Reggie chimes in. "They could make you- I don't know. Walk the plank."

Alex groans. "Don't be ridiculous, Reg. There aren't planks anymore," he stops for a second and looks at Julie. "There are no planks anymore, right?"

Julie answers with a palm face.

"Woah, woah," Luke stands up, his hands raised. "You should stop being so negative. Let the guy have some fun! A hot bartender’s into Alex! Good for him, that doesn't happen every day. Even if the thing doesn't work out, he'll have good stories to tell! You worry too much."

Alex could literally kiss Luke right now. If he didn't find it gross.

"Thank you," he says instead, trying to sound sure of himself. "Guys, I really appreciate your advice, but I _am_ doing this. Please."

Flynn frowns at him and then lets out a sigh. "Alright. Go and live your 'The Blue Lagoon' best life."

They're leaving the lido deck to get showered for dinner when Julie asks to talk to him.

They sit on a couch in one of the resting areas. Julie looks kind of serious, and Alex knows what's coming.

"Julie-" He tries to start, but Julie shuts him up with a look. She has that weird power.

"Alex, I feel like you're not understanding where I'm going with all of this. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know that, Jules, but-"

"Right now, it's not the best moment for you to get attached to someone that you'll eventually lose. Trust me. It'll only be worse for you, after everything that's happened. I've been there, Alex."

And Alex does trust her, but if he has to be honest? He doesn't care if he gets hurt. He just- he just wants to hang out with him. It's _not_ a big deal.

So he nods, because Julie's just doing what she thinks it's best for him. "I promise I won't get attached. I know this is a one-time thing, I know we probably won't see each other ever again. I _know_ all that stuff, Jules. Please let me do this."

Julie takes his hands.

"If you promise you _understand_ that this isn't going to work out-"

"I do."

"And if you swear you won't let this affect you-"

"I swear."

"Okay. Go on your date then."

"It's _not_ a date!"

That night, he can't sleep, which isn't really new, because he always has trouble sleeping when he's excited about something. He tosses and turns in his small bed, trying to focus on the sound of the waves hitting the hull of the ship. He puts his headphones on and lets the music soak him, relaxing him. His brain immediately supplies him with a drum beat, and he misses it, _god_ how he misses it. Maybe it's time to start thinking about playing again.

Maybe.

At five a.m., he's already walking on the lido deck, surprised by the fact that the sun's already shining bright in the sky. They're already at the dock, the city holding possibilities he's dying to explore.

He paces around the deck, counting down the hours until it's finally nine thirty.

He can barely eat his breakfast, his body buzzing with excitement. His friends tease him about it, but he doesn't care.

Alex has no idea what they're doing today, so he's kind of ready for everything. He doesn't want to look like a fool in front of Willie.

The cruise port is huge, probably the biggest one they've been to since the trip began. He walks around, looking for Willie, and then he realizes there's _a ton_ of people walking around, speaking and laughing, and he has no idea how to find him between the crowd. A few minutes pass as he keeps walking, and then he starts freaking out because he can't find him, and what if Willie decided not to show up after all? What if he thinks like Julie and comes to the conclusion that Alex's not worth the trouble?

He's about to go on full panic mode when he hears someone calling his name. He turns towards the source of the sound, and he recognizes Willie, standing beside an ice cream stand.

"Dude," Alex says when he walks towards him. "Is this your idea of incognito?" Willie's hiding behind the biggest, pinkest sunglasses he's ever seen. His hair's hidden somehow in a baseball cap, and he's wearing a floral blue shirt. He looks ridiculous.

"I'm _trying_ , okay?" Willie says, sticking his tongue out at him. He's grinning. "A lot of my coworkers leave the ship to do tours, and if they see me walking with you in my free day-" he slides his hand against his throat in a dramatic gesture. "Walk with me. Fast."

Alex does, trying to keep up with his large steps, staring intensely at the floor. The whole situation's making him nervous, but in a good way. He usually hates uncertainty and getting into trouble when he's not fully aware of the possible consequences, but sneaking around ridiculously through the cruise port makes him feel strangely alive.

And then Willie grabs his hand and makes him run through the streets, leaving the touristic, colorful, busy places behind. They end up in an empty street, surrounded by small houses. He feels like he's in the middle of nowhere, away from the resorts and the beaches he's gotten used to these past few days.

"You're not going to kill me, right?"

Willie lets out a big, contagious laugh. "Nah, not feeling like it today. My friend Miguel lives here. He's going to let us borrow his car."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "I thought you said you didn't know how to drive."

Willie takes a step closer to him. "And I thought you said _you_ could drive."

"How do you know I have my driver's license with me?" He asks, and Willie rolls his eyes.

"You look like the kind of guy who'd never leave his house without it."

Alex hates that Willie's right.

"Well, which one is your friend's house?" Willie points towards a small, white house. "Do I ring the doorbell?"

Willie shakes his head. "Nah, he doesn't have a doorbell. You have to scream. Miguel!" He yells. _"¡Ya llegué! ¡No tengo todo el día!"_

Alex frowns. "What did you yell at him?"

"Oh, I just told him to hurry the fuck up."

It turns out that Miguel's car is a bright orange, dusty Volkswagen Beetle that looks like it has seen better days.

He sits behind the driver's seat and turns the car on, letting the motor come to life with a screechy roar that sounds like a person coughing. The gear shift is stiff, and one of the window's stuck. The seat is pushed way far back but it won't move, so Alex has to stretch his legs to get to the pedals. There's no AC in it either, and the heat makes him start sweating almost immediately.

He loves the car.

"Okay, now can you please tell me where are we going?"

Willie shrugs. "Well, I thought we could drive around the city and then I'll take you to see my baby."

"Your- what?"

"My baby. I haven't seen her in a while, so I figured we could go and pay her a visit."

Alex doesn't dare to ask what Willie's talking about, so he swallows down his questions and turns to the right on the street. Willie makes him drive away, towards the opposite side of the resorts and the big stores.

"The best way to know a place is to go with the locals," Willie explains. His window is not stuck, unlike his, so the wind shakes his long hair. "I love travelling, but there's this- I don't know, thing I don't like about big touristic places. It's all made up, a fantasy based in statistics and stuff boring people want to see. There's no essence to it."

Alex nods a little.

"Do you travel a lot?" Willie asks him.

"Not really. I've always liked to- you know- stay home and stuff."

Willie scoffs. "Good thing you're here, then."

Cancún's way bigger than what he'd though it'd be. The streets become smaller, and the houses scarcer as they drive. Alex can see the ocean beside them, a bright blue stripe spreading as far as his vision goes.

"Do you know Mexico very well?" Willie hums at his question.

"Yeah, some parts. I know all the places we visit with the cruise, but Cancún's especial to me. Growing up, if I wasn't at sea, I was here. My mom loved it. We used to have a small apartment near the beach. She used to say that when she retired, she'd come live here."

"It's a pretty place."

Willie looks at him with a soft, kind smile, and Alex feels like his body is melting, and not because of the lack of AC in the 90-degree heat.

Alex speeds up as they get on the highway, letting the wind coming through Willie's window refresh him a little. Willie turns the radio on, the only thing in the car that seems to be working completely well. Alex recognizes the song, an upbeat melody he's heard thousands of times before.

Willie seems to recognize the song too.

"I _love_ this song!" He yells, turning the volume up. He starts singing, loud and daring, his voice almost a scream. He starts dancing too, moving his body ridiculously, and Alex holds back his laugh. "C'mon, man, sing with me! I know you know it!"

And Alex does know the song, so he starts singing under his breath, and Willie huffs and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, you gotta _commit_ to it." The chorus kicks in and Willie sings, staring intensely at him, and Alex feels his voice raising, his body moving to the rhythm of the song.

He tries to focus on the road too, but the highway's big and empty, a straight road and the car practically drives itself.

"Go faster!" Willie screams at him. Another song's started, and the loud music makes the little car vibrate.

"Do you want me to go _faster?"_

"We don't have all day, dude!”

So Alex accelerates as much as he dares to, and Willie laughs and keeps on singing.

Half an hour later, Willie makes him turn to the left, and they drive through a narrow dirt road, until they get to a small, empty parking lot.

"Where are we?"

Willie shrugs. "Come with me and find out."

They walk for a while. There are a lot of rocks he has to climb, the sea beside them, its waves hitting against the rocks.

"Be careful," Willie tells him when he almost slips, placing a hand in his lower back. Alex feels himself flushing and nodding.

"Yeah, right. Sorry."

The rocks end, and Alex can see a huge, mostly empty beach. There are a couple of wooden cabins, some umbrellas and chairs. There's also a little dock, surrounded by ships that also look like they've seen better days. There are some sailboats, two yachts and some fishing boats.

Willie jumps from the rocks and lands on the sand effortlessly, and Alex tries to do the same but he totally fails and lands awkwardly. Again, Willie has to keep him from falling, and Alex wonders if he thinks he's doing this on purpose.

"Come," Willie runs towards the dock, and Alex curses and runs after him. He stops in front of it, and points towards one of the ships. "Meet my baby."

Alex blinks.

"Your baby is- a sailboat?"

"Of course!" Willie grins. "Look at her, she's gorgeous."

And okay, Alex doesn't know much about boats and stuff, but she doesn't look exactly _gorgeous._ The hull's dirty and worn, and there are a couple of seagulls standing all over it. It's about forty feet long, and its name it's so worn he can barely read it.

He squints.

"Its name is 'Princess Carmela?" He asks Willie.

 _"Her_ name is Princess Carmela. And she's beautiful."

"Is it-" he clears his throat when Willie shoots him a dirty look. "Is her yours?"

Willie grimaces. "Almost. I gotta buy her first, but I've been saving for like, four years now. I'm close to the goal, but I still have to save for the trip and stuff."

"What trip?"

"The one I've been planning all my life, man! Just me, Carmela and the world."

Alex chuckles. "Carmela doesn't look like she can travel around the world," he mutters playfully.

Willie shoves him a little. "I know that, she just needs some- work. But I'm telling you, dude, when she's ready- no one will be able to stop us."

"Willie!" A voice calls, and they both turn around at the same time. A lady is walking towards them, a big smile on her face. She's wearing a worn, white t-shirt and some shorts, her feet bare. Her skin is tan, bathed by the sun. She looks around fifty, some white streaks staining her long, curly black hair. _"Viniste, mi rey.”_

Willie hugs her and Alex stays there, not really sure of what to do. The lady holds Willie with strength, her fingers running through his hair.

"Lupe," Willie says when they break apart. "This is Alex," he points towards him, and Alex waves awkwardly. "He's- uh- my friend."

The lady -Lupe- greets him with a hug he wasn't expecting, so he hugs back awkwardly. She smells like the sea.

"It's been way too long," she says. "I had started to think you'd forgotten about us."

Willie flushes. "Of course I didn't. You know why I came, Lupe," he points to the sailboat with his head. "I'm here to talk business."

Lupe purses her lips. "Alright. Let's go sit inside."

Alex follows Willie and Lupe to one of the small, wooden cabins. The floor is just sand, but there's a table full of fruit and some chairs, a radio buzzing faintly with a voice he doesn't understand.

"Lupe owns most of those ships," Willie explains to him. "If we're lucky, she'll let us go for a ride," he finishes with a wink.

Oh, Alex _really_ hopes they'll be lucky.

"You're right on time if you want to buy it," Lupe says, taking a seat in front of them. Willie's sitting really close to Alex. They're both wearing sleeveless shirts -Willie took off the ridiculous floral shirt on the car- and he tries to ignore the way their bare upper arms are touching. "We've received a couple of offers, and I've had to tell them that Carmela already had an owner."

Willie grins. "That's why I love you. But, um- here's the thing," he clears his throat and he starts fidgeting with his hands. "I know we agreed to eighty percent of the total prize to separate it, but- Lupe, I don't have _that_ much money. At least not yet. You have to-"

"Willie, you know I can't-"

"I'll give you everything I have right now. Seventy percent of the total prize, and then, when I get enough money, I'll give you five percent more than what we agreed to. _Please._ You know how much this means to me."

Alex feels like he's kind of intruding. He actually has no idea of how much a sailboat like that one costs, and he knows nothing about their relationship or how they know each other. But he can tell how much this thing means to Willie, with the way his voice shakes and his eyes shine with determination and a silent plea.

Lupe heaves a sigh, and then turns to look at Alex.

"What do you say?" She asks him, and Alex swallows. "Should I sell Carmela to him?"

Alex nods effusively. "You- um- definitely should. He will take good care of it- her, I mean."

Lupe laughs a little. "Alright. Deal. Just because I know you will do what I wanted to do with her when I bought her."

Willie lets out a scream, standing up from his seat and hugging Lupe.

"Thank you _so_ much," he lets out, his voice shaky.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't cry, kid, not in front of your friend," she mutters, patting Willie's back.

"Now you have to let me take her for a ride," Willie continues. Lupe raises an eyebrow. "Come on! I didn't bring Alex here to _not_ show him how good she is. Do it for him."

Lupe mutters something under her breath, in quick Spanish, and Alex doesn't get it. Willie lets out the biggest laugh he's ever heard, though.

"Okay, just for him. I'll make you guys something to drink."

"Great!" And then Willie's running towards the dock. He turns around for a second, looking at Alex with a raised eyebrow. "What are you waiting for?"

They walk towards the sailboat, and Willie gets on it with surprising agility. Alex tries to do the same, but he's aware he probably looks ridiculous.

The sailboat feels bigger than what it actually is, with a small sitting area and everything.

Willie stands behind the wheel, letting his hands linger over it. "You're mine now, princess," Alex hears him say, and he has to hold back a chuckle. "For a moment I thought Lupe would say no," he continues, staring at Alex now. "She needs the money, you know? But she said _yes,"_ he repeats, as if he didn't believe it. "You must be my lucky charm or something."

"Thanks, I guess," he lets out in a croak, feeling his cheeks going red.

"Come, let's take a look down there."

Alex's surprised by the kitchen and the little living room he finds in the lower deck. It's small, really small, but comfortable. It looks like a small house.

He whistles a little when they get to one of the cabins. "You could practically live here," he tells Willie.

"That's the whole point, dude. It's even bigger than what I need, but I guess I'll _want_ the extra space a few months into the trip," he chuckles.

"Months?"

"The trip I want to make- the one I've been saving for my entire life, dude, it'll be at least eighteen months long. Two years, if I get enough money. Sailing is hard, because you have to wait for the right time to cross every ocean and stuff.”

"So when you said you wanted to travel all over the world-"

"I meant it. It's like- the epitome of running away."

It doesn't sound that bad, if he has to be honest. It does sound scary, but in a good way. People who dare to do stuff like this must be really brave.

"Well, now help me get her ready."

They go back to the upper deck, and Willie starts giving him instructions he doesn't really understand, but he does try his best. The best part is watching Willie hoist the sails, his hands pulling on a rope.

"Carmela does this automatically," he explains. "But the mechanism is broken. Another thing I need to work on."

Alex feels like he could watch Willie do this all day. He looks- so free, so happy, like he's found the place he belongs to. It's endearing, it's almost- inspiring. God, he sounds so stupid.

"Alright, I feel like we're all set," Willie says, walking around, checking everything. "Ready?"

"Hell yeah."

Lupe gives them some drinks and Willie thanks her with a kiss on the cheek. The boat starts, its motor sounding suspiciously like Miguel's car. Willie lets out another scream, though, a cheerful holler.

"It's been _so_ long since she's left the dock," he mutters, caressing the wheel. "She's not meant to be in a dock, she needs to move around."

Alex would usually find a person who talks like that to a boat lame, but Willie's- different. It's not lame, not at all, because he _means_ it. It may sound stupid, but it sounds like he has a connection with the sailboat. He doesn't know if he should be jealous.

"How did you learn to sail anyway?" He asks, taking a seat near him. They leave the shore behind, and Alex's still amazed by the vibrant colors of the sea. "I mean- I know you're great at everything but, if you've been living in cruises your entire life-" he points at the boat with a broad gesture. "When did you learn how to do this?"

"My mom taught me some basics, but Lupe's actually the one who taught me most of what I know about sailing. She and her girlfriend, I used to spend a lot of time with them back in the day. They're good people."

Alex hums. "Is it hard?"

"Kind of. There's actually a lot to learn, but boats today make pretty much everything on their own. You just have to get the hang of it, and the rest comes pretty naturally. Why, are you interested?"

He doesn't know the answer to the question, not exactly, so he shrugs. Willie leaves the wheel and comes sit with him.

"Let me see your hands," he tells him. Alex opens his mouth, but he can't find anything to say, so he raises his hands. Willie takes them, his thumbs pressing against his palms. "You have hands for it," he explains. "It can be a lot of work, so you gotta have the hands for it."

They stay in a heavy silence for a little while, and it takes Alex a second to realize that Willie hasn't let go of his hands. They're just- staring at each other, like two _idiots,_ and Alex briefly wonders if Wille will do something about it, because he's kind of too scared to make the first move, at least for now.

But Willie blinks and shakes his head a little.

"Do you wanna go for a swim?"

"Um- yeah. Yes, sounds cool."

They spend the next hour swimming around, and after Willie finds out that Alex's not the best swimmer ever -it's _hard,_ okay?-, he stays really close to him, teaching him to dive and keep his eyes open under the water, so he can see the fishes and the way the sun draws beautiful patterns in the ridiculously clear sea.

Willie gets on the boat again and pulls him up by the hand, his wet skin vibrating against him.

"There are no sharks around here, right?" Alex asks as he seats near the bow of Carmela. "I just don't want to- you know, die."

Willie chuckles and hands him a towel. "How many times have you seen Jaws?"

"Probably one too many."

"There actually _are_ quite a lot of sharks around here, but I promise I won't let them eat you," Willie sits beside him and hands him a bottle of water. He's shirtless, still wet, and _really_ close to him, and Alex suddenly feels like the temperature has gone up and that he's _burning._

"Thanks," he croaks out. "My knight in shining armor."

Willie takes them to an island called Isla Mujeres. They leave Princess Carmela in the dock, that's full of people, but Willie's not worried about anyone seeing them together because the cruise company doesn't do guided tours to that place.

They walk through the busy streets, hand in hand, and they laugh and buy stuff and take ridiculous pictures they can't show anyone. They have lunch in a small restaurant Willie knows, and Alex could swear he's never eaten something as good as that ceviche. Willie talks about sailboats and the plan he has for the trip and it all sounds _great_. He's happy for him. He hopes he gets to accomplish that soon.

They're walking back to the pier when Willie makes him go into another store. It's small and dark, but Willie seems to know the owner and they have a short talk in Spanish. And then Willie grabs a necklace with a small, white shell on it. "Here," he tells him, standing on his tip toes and passing it around his neck. "So you won't forget me when you go back to real life."

Alex takes his hand to the little shell, squeezing a little. Willie has this weird ability of letting him speechless, so he forces himself to nod and smile.

They go back to the sailboat, and they sit in the bow again when Willie's done with- whatever someone has to do to make the sailboat, well- sail.

"Did you like it?" Willie asks him.

"It was beautiful. I think this is been my favorite place so far."

"I hope I helped with that," Willie draws a playful grin, and Alex wonders if he should kiss him. Should he? _Gosh,_ he needs to control himself.

"You did. I- thanks. For bringing me along."

"Anytime you want, piña colada."

Alex really wishes someone could take a picture of them from behind, just so he can remember the moment forever. Just the two of them, sitting with their legs stretched out in the sailboat, the sun shining strongly above them, making the water sparkle.

"Let me put some music on," Willie tells him suddenly, standing up. "What do you want to listen to?"

"Oh- um- whatever. You decide."

"Alright."

The song starts, a quick rock-ish beat he vaguely recognizes.

"Simple Plan?" Alex has to keep himself from laughing. "Dude, what year do you think it is? 2009?"

He hears Willie laugh. "They're _good,_ alright? I mean, listen," he stops talking for a second and moves along to the song, his eyes closed. "They give ocean vibes."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say. What song is this anyway?"

"Fire in My Heart. Oh, look, Lupe made some awesome drinks for us!"

He hands him a plastic bottle full of this red liquid and sits beside him again, the music enveloping them.

"Cheers," Alex says, raising his bottle.

"We're in Mexico," Willie corrects. "Salud."

"Salud."

Before Alex can bring the botte to his lips, Willie kisses him.

He knows it's stupid, but he's never kissed someone before. He's twenty, he _knows_ , and he's never kissed someone, but it's not like he's had the _chance._ He's just- been waiting for the right moment. And he's had a lot of time to think about his first kiss, and daydream about it and the way he wanted it to happen.

This, though? This is better than everything he'd ever dared to dream.

He kisses back as soon as his brain processes what's happening, realizing Willie's placed one of his hands in the back of his head, bringing him close to him. _God._

 _God_ god god god god god. He's kissing Willie.

Willie breaks apart from the kiss with a big smile and a wink, and Alex can swear he's forgotten every single word he knows.

"Salud," Willie repeats, and takes a sip from his drink.

Alex gulps.

"Salud."

They stay silent after that, and Alex just- stares at the sea and listens to Willie's stupid songs from 2009. They hold hands, again, and Alex could swear there's no way he can go back to real _life_ after this- fuck. He _knew_ this had no future, he's known it all along, but he briefly wonders how the hell is he supposed to go back home and pretend _this_ never happened.

He can't. Julie's going to be pissed.

"How did you get that?" Willie's voice is soft, a whisper he almost misses, drowned by the music and the motor's humming. He's pointing to the long, thin scar in his calf. "I've been meaning to ask that for a little while, but- um- it's just curiosity. It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

Alex shakes his head a little. "Nah, it's okay. It's um- from the accident," he takes a shaky breath, trying to keep himself from remembering. "That's all I got, you know? Just a wound in my leg. And he- well, my brother wasn't that lucky."

Willie squeezes his hand. "I'm sorry I asked."

"Hey, I said it's okay. Sometimes it helps me to remember I'm alive. At least that's something, right?"

"That's _everything."_

"I usually hate talking about my brother," he admits. "But with you- I know we haven't known each other for that long but- I like talking to you."

"Bartenders have that weird effect in people," Willie jokes, and Alex lets out a laugh.

"So everyone tells you their secrets?"

"I've always liked gossip. Do you want me to teach you how to drive this thing?"

Alex stands up. "Yes please!"

They kiss three more times, and Alex learns terms like mainsail, and jib and keel and stern. Willie talks about motors and wind direction and water currents and Alex finds it all surprisingly entertaining. They're sitting on the edge of the boat, their feet in the water, Carmela moving fastly when Willie stands up, as if something were burning.

"What time is it?" He asks, his voice strained. "Fuck, fuck, fuck-"

Alex checks his phone. "It's- um- four eleven p.m. It's not-" and then he _remembers._ The cruise sails at five o'clock, and they're still in the middle of the sea. _Fuck._

"We need to get out of here."

It's four thirty by the time they make it to the shore, and Lupe's waiting for them in the beach, her arms crossed.

"It's-"

"Late! I know, Lupe, I know- shit- can you take care of Carmela? We need to hurry."

Lupe sighs. "I will. I'll see you soon, _mi rey."_

She hugs Willie and then Alex, and Alex barely has time to thank her before Willie's yanking him by the hand.

"Hurry up, dude! They _will_ leave us if we don't make it there in time."

Alex feels like he's never driven this fast in his entire life, the car humming in resistance.

"Faster," Willie mutters, staring intensely at the clock.

"This thing won't go faster, dude."

They leave the car in front of Miguel's house and then they run through the Cancun's streets as fast as they can, ignoring the estranged looks people are throwing at them.

It's five seventeen by the time they make it to the cruise port, but Alex can see the huge ship still in the dock, so he relaxes a little, trying to get back his breath.

"Wait," he stops Willie, who turns to look at him with, his eyes wide with fear. "They can't- see us together, right? You go first and then I'll get on board."

Willie shakes his head. "It's late, Alex, they know who's not on board by now, they always know. We're probably the only two people missing."

Alex swallows. "But-"

"It's okay. It doesn't matter, at least they didn't leave. C'mon, hurry up."

"I'm _sorry,"_ he whispers. Willie sighs but gives him a little smile.

"It's my fault, don't worry."

Willie's kind of right. To enter or leave the ship the staff has to scan a card they give you, so they actually know you're on board. The lady behind the counter stares at him, and then at Willie, who looks like he wants to disappear. Alex feels the same.

"You're late," the lady tells Alex, her voice polite but firm. "Did something happen?"

"I- I don't- sorry."

"It's okay, kid." She scans his card and grabs one of the radios they use to communicate. "The passenger's here, we're ready to sail."

They close the gates behind him. Willie's standing far from him, staring at the floor.

Alex tries to get Willie to look at him, but Willie doesn't move, so Alex figures he has to pretend he doesn't know him, and apologizes and gets on the elevator.

Fuck.

He _hopes_ Willie won’t get in trouble because of this. He hopes the staff doesn’t make the connection and assume they were together, but he really doesn’t know how these things work.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> simple plan rocks


	7. puerto limón

Here's one thing no one tells you about cruise ships: the internet sucks.

Alex was kind of expecting that, given that they're in the middle of the ocean and stuff, but he didn't expect it to be this slow. And expensive. Really expensive.

So he hasn't talked to his dad since they first landed in Colombia, and he's okay with that. Things are still tense between them, and Alex was actually excited about taking a breath from him and his mom, and the heavy silence that has installed itself in his home, making it an uncomfortable, almost unbearable place.

But now he's there, trying to figure out what his dad is saying through the phone, his voice raspy and exasperated, his words coming out in screams as if that would help with the bad internet connection.

"So, are you having a good time?" His dad asks, and Alex swallows. He means- he is. He can't really lie about that.

"I am," he admits. "We're heading to Costa Rica next. We'll be there in two days, I think."

"That's great, Alex. I knew you would like it. When you come back, you'll be back on your feet."

Yeah, _those_ are the types of comments he hates. So he stays silent, biting his lip, wishing he was brave enough to hang up.

"You know," his dad continues. Then Alex stops hearing him -fucking Wi-Fi-, and he fights back a scream and walks through the little room full of computers and phones, hoping to get better signal.

"Dad?"

"Uh, yeah, I was saying-" his dad clears his throat. "If you're going back to college this semester, you should start doing-"

"Dad," Alex interrupts. "I don't- we've _talked_ about this. I still don't know if I'm going back. I actually think _I won't,_ at all, I don't feel like-

"Alexander," he sounds angry now, his voice a hoarse order. "We had a deal. I sent on your little trip and when you came back-"

"We didn't agree to anything! I even told you I didn't feel like travelling, and you _insisted._ Dad, I don't- I can't."

"And then what are you going to do, huh? Come back home and sleep all day like you used to? You can't waste your life like that. Your brother-"

Alex hangs up.

He'll blame the awful cruise ship's internet.

It's quite early in the morning, and most of the people in the ship are still sleeping or having breakfast, two days at sea ahead of them until they get to their next destination. Alex just hasn't been able to stop- _thinking._ He's worried about Willie, but it's not like there's something he can do about it.

He went to the lido deck first thing in the morning, as always, but Willie wasn't working at the bar near the pool, so he has no idea of where he could be, and now that he thinks about it, asking about him to one of his coworkers would probably be stupid.

God, he hates everything.

He can't stop feeling- this weird fear, moving all over him like some kind of snake, slithering and weighing him down with doubt and bad scenarios where Willie got fired or worse, had to walk the plank.

And he's looked it up, there _are no planks_ anymore, but he's still afraid of it.

It's not like he can get fired, right? They did nothing wrong. Well- they kissed, and he's pretty sure crew members aren't supposed to kiss the passengers, but it's not like they did it on the cruise. That has to be something.

He ends up in one of the outside areas and he sits in the first empty chair he finds, trying to quiet down his mind. Talking to his dad has only made things worse, and now he also has to explain to his dad that there's no way he's going back to college. It's not like he wants to do _nothing_ either, but- he doesn't know what he wants to do.

He wishes he could live in Cancún, near the beach, with Willie and Princess Carmela and just- figure out things one day at a time.

Run away.

"There you are," a voice calls. Alex turns towards it and sees Carrie, coming up to him with a shy smile. "I've been looking for you."

Alex shrugs. "Just- you know. Needed to- take some air."

Carrie hums and sits in front of him. "What happened yesterday?" Her voice is serious, not even entirely a question.

"I _told_ you guys. We got distracted and it got late- it's not a big deal."

"You're never late to anything. I thought that made you anxious."

Carrie's right. He's told his friends about his and Willie's- um- _hangout_ , but he's kept some details to himself. Like the kisses, and the worry. He's still wearing the necklace Willie gave to him, though, and one of his hands plays with it unconsciously, a reflex that's surprisingly grounding.

"Well- I-"

"There's something you're not telling me."

And Alex's itching to tell someone, to make sure he's not dreamt the whole day, so he makes Carrie promise she's not going to tell anyone and he tells her everything, probably with way too many details.

"Well, that's- not good. I mean, don't tell Julie or Flynn, but I'm glad you had fun," she raises her eyebrows with a playful grin. "But- about being late, I wouldn't worry too much about it. He'll be okay."

Alex nods. "Yeah, I just- I'd hate to be the reason he gets in trouble."

Carrie shakes her head. "There's nothing you can do about it, so- come with me to a dance class, okay? Forget about it."

Alex tries. He goes to the dance class and he walks through the ship with the guys. They hang at the pool and climb the climbing wall and eat pizza and go to a standup comedy show being held at the theatre. But he just- can't stop thinking about Willie.

It's not until the afternoon that he sees him. They go to the karaoke again, to one of the little clubs, and Alex's heart stops in his chest when he recognizes Willie behind the bar. He waits until the place gets less crowded and walks towards him, trying not to bring any attention to himself. Alex sits in an empty chair right in front of him, and feels himself smiling.

"A piña colada, please," he asks, trying to say a thousand words with that. Willie looks up at him, and Alex's shocked by the coldness in his stare.

"I'm busy right now, sir," he answers, and his voices lacks its usual emotion. "My coworker will be with you in just a second. Sorry about the inconveniences."

"I- just- okay."

Another guy comes up to him with a polite smile. "What can I get for you?"

He goes back to his seat feeling like the world's about to shatter, his feelings a stirring mix that's ridiculously close to exploding.

Carrie shoots him a look. "What happened?"

He shakes his head. "I- he ignored me; I think. I- fuck, that was awkward."

She rests a hand on his knee. "He probably can't talk to you right now, man. Don't sweat it."

Julie raises an eyebrow. "You okay?"

Alex takes a shaky breath. "Yeah- yeah."

He keeps glancing at Willie, who's really good at not realizing it or ignoring him. It hurts a little, but Carrie's probably right. Maybe- maybe he's trying to act professional so he won't get in trouble. It makes sense. He'll try again later, when there's less people around them.

So he forces himself to laugh and sing and move through the night, waiting for the right moment.

When it gets really late, though, and everyone has started to leave, he walks towards the bar again, but Willie's standing with his back to him, cleaning some glasses. Alex clears his throat but Willie doesn't move.

The same guy from earlier comes up to him. "What can I get you?"

He orders the first thing that comes to his mind and then he realizes he doesn't want it, so he leaves his drink untouched and walks back to his cabin, feeling- lost.

He has a lot of questions, and he's scared of the answers.

The next day is pretty much the same. He forces himself to have a good time, and ignores the way he keeps looking everywhere for Willie, but he just can't find him. He hadn't realized how big the ship actually is, with its thousands of passengers, and how hard finding someone is when that person's not looking for you.

The guys know something's bothering him, but they don't say anything about it, and Alex is thankful for that. They just try to cheer him up, getting him to do a ton of different activities, and when the night falls, he's exhausted.

Luke and Reggie don't seem to want to leave him alone to sleep, though, and they make him get dressed and go to another one of the clubs they haven't visited yet. He does have fun, but still- his mind is still just a mess of _Willie._

When they're leaving the club, walking slowly because the ship's rocking really hard again, he finds Willie again. They're in a narrow, empty hallway, and he stops and Willie stops too, as if someone had presed a button and made them unable to move.

Reggie and Luke look at him, then at Willie, and seem to come to the conclusion that they need time alone, so Luke grabs Reggie by the shoulder and they disappear towards the other end of the hallway.

"Willie," he lets out, his voice almost a whisper. "I've been worried sick. What- what happened, dude? I thought-"

Willie bites his lip, his eyes scanning the hallway fastly, trying to make sure no one's hearing them.

"We shouldn't be talking."

Alex can't help but feel hurt by those words.

"At least tell me if you got in trouble."

"Alex, I-" Willie sighs. "No, I'm not in trouble. Yesterday Andrea, the girl working at the reception, covered me. She told I came back way before you. They only keep close track of the passengers, after all."

Alex feels himself grinning. "That's great, dude," he lets out in a relieved tone. "I was freaking out. I was thinking, maybe tomorrow we could-"

Willie raises his hand, and Alex shuts up.

"I've been thinking," Willie starts, and Alex immediately knows where this is going. "Alex, you're a great guy. But- I can't do this anymore."

"Oh."

He wants to say a lot of things. He _wishes_ he could say them, but his brain is a mess of thoughts that he's incapable of putting in order. So he swallows down the dark mess of words and nods.

Willie grimaces. "I'm sorry. I just- this is dangerous, dude. I can't- I can't get fired, not when I'm so close of buying the boat and being able to leave. You- I feel like we're smarter than this. It never was a good idea."

"So Mexico meant nothing to you?"

Alex's aware that his voice is a proof of how much _he_ cares. Willie looks up at him, finally looking him right in the eyes, and maybe he's being hopeful, but he can tell there's something he's not telling him.

But then Willie shakes his head.

"I'm really sorry. I have to go."

Reggie and Luke are waiting for him outside of their cabin, sitting against the door, talking quietly to each other. Alex walks towards them and sits beside Luke, hugging his knees.

"I'm assuming you're not happy," Luke mutters, one of his hands in Alex's back. He shrugs.

"He told me we shouldn't hang out anymore."

Reggie pouts. "Maybe he's scared."

"Yeah, maybe. But after yesterday- I didn't tell you guys, but we kissed, and I liked it, and now- ugh. I don't know. I shouldn't be this upset, but I am. Sorry for not telling you."

Luke pats his back. "Yeah, we kind of figured that already. My boy's growing up."

"Shut up," he rolls his eyes. "Well, whatever, I guess. It wasn't going to work out anyway."

That's what he keeps repeating to himself, but his hands still fidget with the necklace all night long, while he tries and fails to fall sleep until exhaustion beats him, around three in the morning.

When they leave the ship to the cruise port of Puerto Limón, Alex realizes the sky is grey, and the wind is strong. It looks like it's about to rain, but the weather's still warm and dry. He kind of likes the lack of sun. It's a good change.

They're still not sure of what to do, but Julie has a quick conversation with one of the guys offering tours in the port, and they like the activities they offer so they pay and get in a van and drive away.

Costa Rica is way different than the places they've visited before. There's a lot of vegetation, tall palm trees and small houses, and Alex kind of forgets they're in the Caribbean. This feels more like the amazon, exactly how he pictures Brazil and stuff. It's really cool anyway.

They drive for a long while, and the guide talks and Luke sings and everything's fine. But he feels- angry, more than anything. He's thought about the things he wished he had said to Willie last night but couldn't. It's the only thing in his mind, and it's hard to concentrate in the trees and landscapes when the only thing in his mind is Willie's face and his lips against Alex's, his smile and his sailboat and his stupid songs-

The van comes to a stop suddenly, and Alex realizes they're already at the first stop of their tour, at the Tortuguero National Park.

"Alex, you coming?" Flynn calls, and he forces his mind to stop thinking about Willie and focus on what he's doing now.

Of fucking course Willie's there.

The van stops near the entrance of the park, in a small parking lot, and there are quite a lot of small tourist groups walking around. One of them is led by Willie, who's wearing the stupid cruise company shirt and some shorts, speaking avidly in front of two families with little kids.

Alex stops walking without really meaning it, and the only thing he can do is stare. Willie seems to sense someone's looking at him because he stops talking, and then just- stares back. It's probably just a second, but Alex feels time stretching out like a suffocating mess of feelings and unsaid words.

Willie clears his throat when he realizes his group of tourists has started going impatient, and keeps on talking, naturally and excitedly, moving his arms with ease and confidence.

"Well, that was awkward," Carrie mutters from where she's standing beside him. She makes him walk towards the rest of the group, her hand on his lower back. "Move before the tension kills us."

The national park is beautiful. But- again, Alex can't concentrate in it because Willie's following him. Well, not exactly.

Willie just walks with his group, explaining and talking and waiting, but they move pretty much at the same rhythm, and his voice gets mixed up with his own guide's, and why do these things happen to him? Honestly.

The day pretty much goes like that. They walk and take pictures with sloths and birds and Alex laughs because it's impossible not to laugh when he's with his friends, but he's heavily aware of the fact that Willie's looking at him when he thinks Alex can't notice.

And he looks back, when _Alex_ thinks Willie won't notice.

Then they get on a boat to take a ride through one of the bunch of rivers there are around there, and Willie's group walks into the boat right behind them. Fucking great.

Alex tries to ignore him as best as he can, like he's been doing all day, but Willie's just- standing there, near the bow of the ship, standing against the railing in silence.

Reggie comes up to him with a smile.

"I'll give ten bucks if you pick one of those leaves from the water."

Alex licks his lips and thinks about it. The ship's not that tall and the railing's small. He'd just have to lean forward- maybe stand on the railing and hope a caiman doesn't jump on him.

Flynn smiles. "If you do it I'll give you another ten dollars."

He makes sure Julie and Carrie aren't watching and nods.

"Alright."

"That's not a good idea," someone calls. Willie's voice is soft but he's frowning, still standing on the other end of the boat.

"Well, I want my twenty dollars." He doesn't know why, but the fact that Willie thinks it's a bad idea makes him want to do it even more. He leans forward and then realizes he still can't reach the water with his hands, so he stands on the railing, trying to keep his balance and figure out if it'll be able to hold his weight.

"C'mon, Alex-" Willie calls.

"Dude, let him do it," Reggie mutters. Alex leans forward again, stretching his hands.

"This is stupid," Willie's voice sounds closer, and then a hand's resting against his back. The touch is sudden and unexpected and his reflexes make his body jump. And then Willie's yanking him by the shirt, drawing him away from the railing.

"Hey!" He yells, backing away. Willie raises his hands. "I wanted my twenty dollars."

Willie rolls his eyes. "See that?" He points to the river, that's greenish and dark and full of leaves floating around.

"What?"

 _"That."_ Alex realizes one of the leaves- or at least one of the things he _thought_ were leaves is moving. Oh. He doesn't want the twenty dollars anymore. "That's a caiman," Willie continues. "You're welcome."

"I knew that," he manages to let out.

"Yeah. Of course you did."

Willie sighs and leaves, walking to the other end of the boat again. Alex clenches his fists.

"I hate him," he mutters.

Reggie's still staring at the caiman, his mouth open.

Flynn rolls her eyes. "No, you don't."

"No, I don't," he admits.

Two hours later, the van stops at a nice beach with a huge restaurant near it, and the guide tells them that they need gas and that they'll be back in an hour to go to the city and buy some stuff.

The beach's beautiful, but the wind is _awful._ Alex feels like he can barely walk, his body moving clumsily against the wind. There's no one swimming, and the few people who're still walking by the shore also struggle with the strong wind current. The restaurant is packed because of that, full of people talking and complaining, waiting for a table.

Luke sighs. "I guess we'll just have to wait."

The place makes Alex feel _bad_. The music is way too loud and he feels like he can barely breathe, and he decides it's better to go for a walk than wait in the crowded, small lobby.

His friends nod when he tells them that.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Carrie asks, and he shakes his head with a small smile. He feels like being alone. "Alright."

He finds Willie on his way out, who's sitting outside the restaurant in the middle of the stairs. They stare at each other but don't say anything as Alex walks past him.

The wind kind of stops, and Alex's thankful for that, but the sky becomes grayer. He walks near the shore, looking at some palm trees and rocks he finds interesting enough. He's near that place when it starts raining.

It's not a casual rain, though. It's a downpour, so sudden and _strong_ Alex feels like he's just stepped into a shower.

_Fucking great._

And then the wind comes back again, and he looks back at the restaurant that's like- a thousand feet away, and he's already soaking wet and uncomfortable and he hates his life. Maybe if he runs as fast as he can he'll make it before he fucking drowns or something.

A figure comes up to him, advancing with effort against the wind, holding an umbrella.

"Alex," Willie calls, offering a sheepish smile. "Come with me."

"No."

Alex doesn't know why, but he doesn't feel like talking to him, so he crosses his arms and starts walking as fast as he can, ignoring Willie. He's aware that it's immature and probably stupid but he- he's actually a really proud person, and he's kind of angry at Willie. Besides, he doesn't want to feel like they still have a chance when Willie's already told him that he doesn't want to talk to him.

Willie runs after him. Alex has to keep his dripping hair away from his face.

"Don't be stubborn," Willie's voice is a little amused but also exasperated. "Just- walk with me to the restaurant. The rain's crazy."

Alex shakes his head. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me anymore."

"C'mon, man, I- I said- well, I know what I said. But I just want to help."

"I don't need your help!"

"You do!"

Alex starts running. He can hear Willie running too, and he can only imagine how weird the image is to everyone watching them from the restaurant- one guy with an umbrella chasing another in the middle of a downpour. Alex should've known that Willie is three times faster than him, and he reaches him in a couple of seconds, resting his hand against his forearm.

He puts the umbrella on top of both of them and brings him close to him.

"Was it that hard?" Willie asks, rolling his eyes.

Alex bites his lower lip, keeping his thankfulness to himself. They walk in silence for a little while, slowly advancing because the wind's even worse now, and the rain drops hit them in the face.

"Were you following me?" Alex realizes, turning to look at him. Their faces are really closed together. "With- an umbrella?"

Willie smiles a little. "It always rains like this in here this time of the year. I just- you know- wanted to make sure you'd be okay."

That melts his anger a little. "Thank you," he lets out in a whisper. "Just- I was worried about you, you know? After Cancún. And then you just- stopped talking to me."

"I'm really sorry about that, Alex. My friend covered for me, like I said, but there's people who already suspect I had something to do with our delay, and there's- my boss can't find out," Willie takes a deep breath. "I fought for that free day, you know, said it was important, and if he thinks I only used it to go out with a passenger- I'll be dead. I'm kind of worried people will see us together."

"I get that," Alex answers. They're walking slower. "I really do, Willie, I don't want you to get in trouble because of me. I just- I thought, you know, that we were having fun together. And then you told me Mexico meant nothing to you."

Willie grimaces. "It did," he admits. "It really did, Alex. It's just that- I don't know how this is going to work out. I don't want you to get hurt."

Alex nods. "Yeah, everyone keeps saying that."

The restaurant is close now, and Alex can see Julie and Luke standing by the front door, waiting for him.

"Tonight," Willie mutters, "at the black and white party- I'll be working as a waiter there. Be sure to be near the tern, close to the lido deck restaurant, alright? That's my zone. Maybe we'll be able to talk there. Figure something out."

Alex thinks about it, and then shrugs. Fuck it, he's got nothing to lose, only a couple of days left to enjoy.

"Okay. I'll be there."

Willie winks at him.

They stand near the front door of the restaurant, close to his friends, and Alex lets out a relieved sigh when he realizes they're not out in the rain anymore. He's still soaking wet, though, and he's shivering and he just wants to go eat but he's not sure if the owner will appreciate his looks.

"Oh, yeah," Willie smiles again and starts looking through his backpack. He pulls out a blue jacket with the cruise ship logo in it, the name Willie sewed in the left side like a name tag. He hands it to him. "Wear that, you can give it to me later. Just, um- hide it when you go back to the ship."

Alex manages to nod, holding the jacket close to his chest. Willie waves his hand and grabs his umbrella, walking towards the parking lot of the beach. Alex watches him get in a van and close the door without looking back.

"What was that about?" Julie asks, her eyebrows raised.

Alex shrugs and puts the jacket on, breathing in the smell and the warmth. He buries his hands in its pockets.

"It was nothing," he lies.

It was everything.

They have lunch, and by the time they leave the restaurant the rain has stopped, the sun shining bright in the sky once more. They walk through the city and buy some stuff; visit squares and small stores and they take a lot of pictures.

Alex takes Willie's jacket off and hides it in his own bag, burying it as best as he can, as if he were hiding the most precious, important secret.

He says goodbye to Costa Rica with a big smile, suddenly forgetting the last two days.

The black and white party is something a lot of people have told him about. Another one of those thematic nights the cruise organizes. This one's a formal party in the lido deck, just before the sunset, where the place gets decorated and there's a show and everyone's supposed to wear either black or white formal wear.

He gets dressed with his heart beating strongly against his chest, his hands shaking as he buttons his black dress shirt. He doesn't have formal clothes, not exactly, so he, Reggie and Luke decided button-up shirts and shorts would have to work.

They meet with the girls, and almost laughs at the face Luke makes when he looks at Julie, who's wearing a short, black dress, her bushy hair falling down her shoulders. He and Reggie snicker but say nothing as Luke struggles to search for words.

Flynn's wearing a white skirt and a black blouse, and Carrie's wearing a striped dress. They're holding hands, and Alex wishes his love life could be as simple as that.

They go to the lido deck, walking with the rest of passengers, a sea of black, white and excited whispers.

The music coming from it is slow, a soft melody that resonates against the talking. The deck's decorated with fairy lights, a small stage has been put together near the bow, all of the chairs have disappeared and there’s a ton of passengers standing around the pool. The sun's starting to hide, the sky a mix of purple and orange and blue, its reflection shining in the sea. It's quite beautiful.

A person goes on stage and starts talking, and a bunch of waiters come out of the lido deck restaurant. Alex makes his friends stay near it, where Willie told him he'd be, even if they're far from the stage and the people.

The waiters are all using these white, elegant suits with black details and bow ties. They all have red roses in their front chest pockets. They're holding trays full of champagne glasses.

"Dude," Reggie calls, nudging him with his elbow. "Is that-"

"Willie," Alex sighs.

He looks ridiculously good in the white suit. He's grinning, his hair tied into a bun. He hands them the champagne glasses with ease and a polite smile. When he hands Alex his glass, he lets his fingers linger against his for the longest second he's ever lived. Alex feels him slipping a piece of paper in his hand, and he opens his mouth but no words come out. Willie winks, though, subtly, and then moves on to the rest of people standing near them, handing them their glasses with the same polite, endearing smile.

"Is that-?" Luke asks, raising his eyebrows with a smug grin. All of his friends are staring at him, wearing the same expression, including Julie.

"A note," he finishes. He hands Carrie his glass and opens it. He reads it slowly, kind of making sure he's brain is not making up the words.

"What does it say?" Flynn urges, trying to take the note away from him.

"Meet me downstairs," he reads. "In the balcony near the bow, after the toast, when the band starts playing."

"That's _so_ romantic," Reggie pouts. "I want a star-crossed lover."

Alex huffs, but he has to fight back a smile.

Julie sends him a look, and Alex's ready to convince her that yes, he's trying really really hard not to get attached, even if it's a little late for that. But she says nothing, just purses her lips and fixes his hair, moving some strands.

"That's better."

He's never waited so long for a toast. The captain goes on stage and says something and then raises his glass, and Alex yells 'cheers' as loud as he can, his voice shaking with excitement he can no longer hide, drinking the champagne in a single gulp.

A band goes on stage next, their song slow and romantic, and people start slow dancing in the deck as Alex walks through the crowd, trying to get to the other end of the ship.

There are some stairs near the bow of the lido deck, and three or four little balconies under that, all of them with an excellent view of the ocean. He feels his blood running heavily through his veins, feeling like he's being pulled from a string built of this weird feeling of- warm happiness he's never gotten to experience before.

The song's beautiful, and Alex wishes things were a little different, and that he could dance with Willie, moving slowly under the setting sun.

He stops in one of the balconies, looking for Willie, also making sure no one's following him, and then someone grabs his hand and pulls him backwards. He stifles a scream when he realizes Willie's the one grabbing his hand.

Alex realizes he's now in a small, closed space that smells like chlorine. He laughs.

"Where are we?" He asks, giggling when he notices Willie's arms are around his waist. The lightbulb shines dimly, casting shadows over Willie's face.

"In a storage closet," Willie answers, snickering too. "Just like when we met. It's romantic _and_ helpful because no one can see us and because my friend Nick agreed to cover my zone for ten minutes. That's all we've got."

"So you're okay with maybe getting in trouble?" Alex mutters. "Because I don't want to you to feel like you owe me anything. I'm not worth the-"

Willie shuts him up with a kiss.

Alex hates how he always seems to catch him off guard. He smiles against his lips when his body finally processes everything that's going on, kissing back as best as he can.

"You're worth it. I really- I really care about you."

"Good," Alex answers. "We've got- three days left, then, if you count my last day in Cartagena before I leave for the airport."

Willie shrugs. "We can work with three days."

Alex hums. "So tomorrow, in Panama-"

"I'll be there. I've been assigned guide tours. Just- Patricia owes me one. I'll get her to say nothing."

"Okay. Good."

Alex kisses him again, just because he's realizing he _can._ The music still can be heard, a muted buzzing, but he actually enjoys it. They kiss four more times after that, between stifled laughs and intense stares, until Willie notices their ten minutes are over.

"Alright, you need to get going. I don't want you to miss the spectacle, after all, and I've got drinks and food to serve."

Alex groans and Willie chuckles.

"C'mon, piña colada, I don't have all night."

"I wish you had."

Willie's eyes soften. "I wish I had too. Now, get out of my sight."

Alex leaves the storage closet trying to look like nothing's happened, failing at hiding his stupid smile. He climbs the stairs and walks through the mass of people again, ignoring the dancing couples. He heads to the stern, where his friends are. Luke and Julie are slow dancing, Julie's head resting against Luke's chest. Carrie and Flynn are in pretty much the same position, Reggie watching them with a fond smile.

The sun's gone by now, and the fairy lights illuminate the deck. Alex takes a photo of his friends and then takes a selfie with Reggie so they don't feel so alone.

The slow song finishes and his friends walk back to them.

"Dude, how did it go?" Luke's cheeks are flushed a bright red, his whole body bouncing with energy and excitement.

Alex feels himself smiling. "It went great."

Carrie passes her arm around his back. "That's my boy."

Julie sighs and rests her head against his shoulder, standing on his other side. "Good for you," she mutters.

Alex raises his eyebrows. He spots Willie again, walking through the deck with a tray full of something in his arms, and his heart misses a beat.

"What made you change your mind about Willie?" He asks Julie.

Willie catches him staring at him and looks back with the briefest, most intense smile he's ever seen in his life. Julie watches that too, and she shakes her head a little, just like he does when she realizes something.

She shrugs with a smile. "I like seeing you happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so ridiculously cheesy I'm sorry I'm just living my best life through fictional characters


	8. colón

"Aren't you getting tired of this?" Reggie asks him.

Alex turns to see him. "Tired of what?"

His friend shrugs. "You know, the constant- sea. It's been like, twelve days, and I love this place and stuff, but there's something maddening about only having the ocean around you. It's kind of scary."

It's really early in the morning, and Alex has already gotten used to waking up at this hour to take a walk in the lido deck, but Reggie had been awake that morning and had insisting on coming with him. They're close to Panama, Alex can see the shore just a few miles away, a port full of boats and another cruise ship.

He thinks about Reggie's question, not realizing people really _cared_ about it. It's not maddening, or tiring or anything like that. He feels like he could do this the rest of his-

God, he's started to think like Willie.

"Not really," he says, leaning against the railing. "It's kind of relaxing, actually."

Reggie raises an eyebrow. "You were the one who was scared of doing this."

Alex chuckles. "I had never done this before. Just- you know. I guess I changed my mind."

"Or _someone_ changed your mind," Reggie nudges him with his elbow and Alex shoves him, and then they're pushing each other like two little kids. That's kind of how their friendship works.T

Twohours later, they're leaving the ship, Willie by their side, moving fastly through the sea of tourists and locals. "This part of Panama isn't too big," Willie explains, standing near the parking lot. They're waiting for a van to pick them up. "There's a huge black market- I'm assuming you're not really interested in that."

Alex shakes his head effusively, and Willie responds with a fond smile and a chuckle.

"Well- there's a lot to do around here, actually. We could go to Panama City, to the beach, or to the canal, or- there's this huge shopping mall and people like it because most of the stuff is really cheap-"

His friends all look at him, as if waiting for him to make the decisions. Alex's always been awful at making decisions, though, so he looks at Willie and shrugs.

"What is your favorite thing to do around here?" He asks Willie.

"Well- There's this place called San Blas. It's a little group of islands- it's far, but I promise it's beautiful."

"Alright, let's go there then."

The road's longer than what he'd hoped for, but they have until 6:30 p.m. to be back on the ship, which is more time than they've ever had, so he figures it's worth it. A van drives them through little, worn roads surrounded by tall trees, far from the city.

Then they get to a little port, kind of old, almost empty.

"There's not a lot of people around here," Luke tells him, and it's true. All of the places they've been to so far are always packed with tourists, screaming kids and people seeming lost.

Willie shrugs. "Not a lot of people come here," he admits. "Like I said, most people go to the city or to the canal- and they're great places, but- there's something awesome about San Blas. You need to see it with your own eyes."

A boat takes them there, and yeah, Alex's starting to realize that Willie's never wrong.

There are a bunch of small islands scattered around the sea, its palm trees decorating the landscape and Alex feels like he's entered one of those cool pictures you find on the internet to use as wallpapers.

"Woah," Carrie mutters, staring at everything. Flynn nods, holding her hand.

"Yeah, woah."

They stop in the biggest of the islands. There's not much people, only a bunch of camping tents in the beach, and some wood cabins in the middle of it.

"This is Perro Chico," Willie explains, helping Alex to get out of the boat, and he can't help but notice the way Willie interlaces their fingers even if their contact is a brief spark that he wishes would last longer. "It's the biggest of the islands- some people say it's the prettiest one, but I'll let you form your own opinions."

They walk in the sand for a little while, and Alex realizes how small the island really is. He likes the place, it's- freeing, in some way. The breeze is strong and the sun shines strongly but it's not too warm, which he's thankful for. There's music coming from one of the cabins- Alex realizes it's a restaurant, but there's a man sitting outside of it, playing the guitar and singing, his eyes closed.

They sit near the ocean, and Willie holds his hand. Alex feels like he's melting, his body a relieved, messy mix of happiness and sadness, because he's there and because he'll be gone soon.

"Do you guys like it?" Willie asks.

Flynn and Carrie are gone for a little walk between just the two of them. Reggie and Luke are trying to make a sand castle, and Julie's watching them with the annoyed-but-fond smile she only uses with them.

"This is- beautiful," Julie answers. "You've been here a lot?"

Willie nods. "There's another island around here called Perro Grande. The owners knew my mom, and I spent a lot of time here when I was little."

Alex smiles. "I feel like you've got friends all over the world."

"That's not entirely true, but it's a good thing about travelling a lot. You meet people, you bond, and then you always have places to go."

"So you know people in- uh... Honduras?"

Willie nods.

"In Hawaii?" Reggie chimes in, looking up from his sand castle.

"Of course."

"In- um- Spain?" Luke adds.

Willie stops at that. "I- do, actually. Well, they were my mom's friends, but if they remember her and recognize me, I'll count them as friends."

"In Puerto Rico?" Julie mutters. Willie nods again.

"Yeah. It'll come in handy when I start my trip, you know."

"What trip?" Reggie asks, standing up and going to sit beside them.

"Willie wants to travel all over the world in a sailboat," Alex answers for him. "Someday."

Julie frowns. "That sounds- dangerous."

Willie shakes his head with a smile. "It's not- well, you need experience. And training, a lot of it, but more people than you think do it."

"I would do it," Luke says. "But I've discovered I get seasick a lot, so- yeah, not for me."

"Same," Reggie continues. "It's scary to see nothing but the ocean around you-" he shudders. "I prefer the city."

Julie nods in agreement, and then looks at Alex, a smug grin in her face.

"What about you, Alex?"

He swallows. "Huh?"

"Would you do it? Travel like that?" She repeats.

Alex can tell Willie's staring intensely at him, his eyes shining with- expectations. If he has to be honest, he's thought about this, a lot. He's pictured himself in the sailboat -and if the sailboat looks a lot like Princess Carmela, it's not like anyone needs to know- sitting near the bow, just- waiting to get to the next destination, letting the ocean take him wherever he needs to go next. And he really likes the scenarios his mind comes up with, but he doesn't know how to admit that.

So he shrugs, avoiding Willie's eyes.

"Maybe."

Flynn and Carrie come back from their walk and then they go swimming.

The ocean's not deep, the water's ridiculously clear and there's a sunken ship near the shore, its silhouette shining darkly in the distance.

"Has that always been there?" He asks Willie, who nods.

"Yeah, no one knows how it got here. But it's cool, right? Here, let me show you."

Willie takes his hand and makes him dive, swimming around the ship.

They spend an hour or so in the sea, taking ridiculous pictures with Luke's waterproof camera. At one point, after Alex thinks about it a lot, he says 'fuck it' to himself and looks at Willie, taking a deep breath.

"Kiss me," he asks in a whisper.

Willie smiles. "What, now?"

Thankfully, the beach's mostly empty beside the seven of them, just some people swimming around. Alex shrugs.

"In the water," he lets out, his voice still low, because he's starting to realize this is really stupid. "I mean- you know, like one of those cheesy photos of two people kissing underwater? It's okay if you don't want to, but I thought it would a be a cool picture for us to remember and stuff."

"Okay."

"Yeah?" Alex probably shouldn't sound this excited, but he can't really hide the way his voice shakes with incredibility.

"Yeah," Willie repeats.

He doesn't know if Luke messes up on purpose, but he takes picture after picture and then looks at them and shakes his head and tells them that they need to do it again. And again, and again, and again, and Alex realizes he doesn't care if Luke's messing up willingly. He's enjoying this.

And you know what? After everything that's happened to him in the last six months, he deserves to enjoy something, even if he's going to lose it. It sucks that coming to that conclusion's taken him so long.

When they get tired of swimming and when Luke's satisfied with the picture of the two of them, they walk towards the restaurant. The place is kind of small and busy, the few plastic tables decorated with flowers. It's nice, cozy different from the other places they've been to. This feels more- personal.

There's a small stage on the cabin, the smallest one he's ever seen. There are two guitars, an ukulele and a cajon drum on it, but there's no one on stage.

Luke points towards it with his head. "Do they do music here?" He asks, a hopeful tone escaping his usually chill voice.

Willie answers pointing to a sign near the stage.

_Play something, get a free meal._

Alex immediately knows what Luke's thinking about.

"Oh, we're _so_ doing that."

Julie stands up with a smile. "Sounds fun."

Carrie turns to look at him. "Are you in?" She asks, her voice soft.

Alex looks at the stage, at the cajon drum in there, and he remembers fun, loud nights in Luke's college dorm room, playing drums and singing and giving him ideas while he tried to write songs.

He remembers _that_ , something he hasn't done in so long because he was- not sad, not exactly. Numb is a better way to describe it. His life's been this- nothing since his brother died. Just nothingness, heavy and thick, suffocating him.

And now he's there, thousands of miles away, and there's still that numbness he can't seem to shake off no matter what he does, but he's started to think that maybe he can try and find things that make him _feel_ something, forget the fear of failure that's been following him everywhere.

And music's always made him _feel_ things, always has made his senses wake up, and he's been afraid of that. But he's not afraid anymore, and he wants to feel that again.

So he looks at his friends, who are standing around them, sporting huge, supportive, daring smiles. He looks at Willie, who's sitting beside him, an eyebrow raised, and he finds himself nodding, a sudden braveness he thought he'd never experience again running through his veins.

"Alright, just for the free meal."

Luke cheers, and that seems to catch the people in the restaurant's attention. Willie pats his back as Alex stands up and walks to the stage, hyper aware of the way the whole restaurant is looking at them.

He takes a deep breath and sits on top of the cajon drum, remembering the one Luke had in his dorm room.

"So," he asks, and Alex's surprised by his tone of voice, because he doesn't sound like the nervous wreck he actually is. "What are we playing?"

Luke hangs his guitar around his shoulder. Carrie has the other guitar and Reggie's tuning the ukulele. Julie's holding a tambourine.

"Oh, believe me, you know the song."

Luke plays a chord he immediately recognizes, the beginning of the song they always used to play together as a warm up. This version's slower, calmer, an ode to the beach and the ocean breeze and the vibe the island gives. Julie and Carrie sing together, their voices harmonizing on the first verse as they always used to do. Alex's surprised by the way his brain remembers the song, remember the rhythm and the lyrics that's been somehow etched inside mind.

He sings the chorus, the harmonies he's always shared with Reggie. His friend looks at him, an honest, excited smile he's missed seeing in someone, a smile no one's given him in a long, long time. He's playing with his friends, after all, something he never thought he could do again.

The song lasts a lifetime, three long minutes while the people in the restaurant clap along and move their arms. He can see Willie smiling from their table, his sharp features decorated with a huge, proud grin, and the only thing Alex can think of is that, well, this wasn't so hard.

By the time they finish, the applause is just a whisper he doesn't care about, background noise drowned by _feelings,_ raw and sharp, vibrant.

Julie's the first one to give him a hug. She has to stand on her tiptoes to pass her arms around his neck, and she hides her face in his chest.

"That was awesome!" She tells him in an excited, stifled scream. "I've missed playing with you. So much."

Alex feels stupid, just a little, because there are tears burning in his eyes, and he has to blink them away.

"I missed playing with you too."

"Hey, I want a hug too!" Reggie's voice calls, and then someone tackles him in a hug. Luke follows, and then Flynn and then Carrie, and Alex briefly wonders what the people in the restaurant think of them, just these crazy young adults hugging in the middle of a stage.

"It's just a free meal," Willie's voice calls, his tone amused. "You don't have to be that happy about it."

The fish lacks salt, and the rice is a little raw, but Alex still feels like he's never eaten something as delicious as something that he's _earned_ with his music.

When they're done eating, they go seat in the sand again, staring at the sea. Alex's tired, and he feels like laying down in the sand and just- existing for a bit, free of that numbness that he's finally managed to shake off, at least for now.

Willie lays beside him, and Alex holds his hand.

"You like making music, don't you?" Willie says, his voice soft and barely audible.

Alex nods. "Yeah, I do."

"Is that what you went to college for? To learn music?"

He shakes his head. "Oh, no, not at all. I was- um- studying marketing, actually."

Willie frowns. "Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

Willie squeezes his hands. The sun's shining right above them, and Alex closes his eyes to avoid the blinding light. "I don't know. I just- don't picture you as a- marketing major."

That's true, but at the time he needed to decide on a major he had had no idea of what to do with his life, so he had chosen the one his dad had recommended.

"That's where I met Flynn," he explains. "We became friends and she introduced me to Julie and then I introduced them to Reggie and Luke because we've been friends for forever and then I met Carrie and yeah- we all met in college."

"You guys are pretty close," Willie hums, and Alex can feel him coming closer to him, their shoulders touching. "I thought you'd known each other for a long time."

"Nah. We had our freshman years together and then sophomore year started and then- well, the thing happened and that was it for me."

"So you're not going back? At all?"

Alex opens his eyes, and then closes them again, trying to think of a way to answer to that.

"No," he says at last. "There's no way I'm going back. Not only because I'm not ready, it's also because, well- you said it. I don't think marketing is what I want to do with my life after all."

"Brave choice. A lot of people just go through the motions of their lives and never get to make any decisions. So I'm glad you know that now."

"Thank you." Alex stops to take a breath, and he moves closer to Willie. He doesn't know if doing this is awkward, but his body is kind of asking him to do it, so he passes an arm around Willie’s stomach and rests his head against his shoulder. Willie hums and moves, making sure both of them are comfortable, and Alex feels like he could spend the rest of his life in that position. "The problem is, I don't know what I want to do. When I go back- my dad's expecting me to go back to college and stuff. And I can't. But- I don't know _what_ am I supposed to do."

Alex feels Willie shrugging.

"That's not a bad thing, you know?"

"You don't think it's a bad thing?" Alex repeats.

Willie shrugs again. "It's just like I said, man. Real life can go screw itself. Everyone thinks that you're supposed to have this perfect plan, these steps you need to follow to achieve your goals. And it's bullshit. There's nothing like living one day at a time, right? Just- you and the opportunities that every day comes up with. I mean- my mom waited her whole damn life to go on that trip."

That's new information. Alex opens his eyes, and sits up a little straighter, looking Willie in the eye.

"Did she?"

Willie nods. "The trip was our dream. She was supposed to save enough money, buy Carmela, and we would sail for months. And then she'd retire and I could 'live a normal life' and something like that. She saved for years. She had it all planned, she had been waiting for the right moment since she was like- eighteen and she joined the marine. And then she got sick and- well, she passed away."

"Willie, I-"

"No, it's okay. But you know what I learned? That you can't just- wait for the right moment. You have to create it. That's why I'm working my ass off, and then when I get to do the trip, I'll just- find a new dream and chase it."

"You should write this down and sell pillows with your phrases."

Willie lets out a big, contagious laugh.

"What I mean- or well, what I think I mean is that- you don't have to know, Alex. Find something that you enjoy in the present and make it your future."

"It sounds easier when you say it like that."

Willie chuckles. "I mean- I also have zero impulse control and never second guess my choices. When I do, I usually regret stuff."

"Sounds dangerous," he whispers.

"Kind of. But you know what happened when I started second guessing my choices? I freaked out and stopped talking to you because I was afraid."

"So you're saying-" he lets out, teasingly. "That I should be impulsive and never fear the consequences of my actions?"

"Exactly!"

"That's like- the complete opposite of who I am, dude."

Willie kisses him in the cheek, and Alex wonders how the hell is he going to say goodbye in two days.

"It's a good thing opposites attract, then. We could balance each other out."

"Yeah," he mutters, closing his eyes and leaning against Willie again, ignoring the fact that they won't be able to do that, not when he remembers he's going back to Los Angeles and Willie's going to go back to the cruise, saving money until he has enough to set sail and never look back. "We could."

"Dude!" Flynn's yelling at them, "Alex and Alex's hot, forbidden lover, are you going to swim with us or what?"

Alex tries to ignore them but Reggie and Luke grab him by the arms and drag him through the sand and to the water, while Alex tries and fails to fight back. It's fun.

They leave San Blas after they ask one of the tourists to take a picture of them in front of the ocean, Willie included.

By the time they make it back to Panama City, it's only five p.m.

"We have a little time," Willie tells them. "Do you want to go see the canal?"

They don't see why not. The canal is a huge, industrial-looking building where you can see the artificial canal filling with thousands of liters of water, a bunch of ships passing through.

"Is it expensive?" Luke asks, pointing at a huge ship full of commodity trailers.

Willie shrugs. "Kind of, yeah, but it's better than having to sail around America. It's the best way to get from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean."

The sight's cool. It looks like something from a science fiction movie, with the gates that open and close and the ships formed in line.

"Can Carmela go through it?" Alex asks Willie, just because he wants to know.

"Wait, who's Carmela?" Julie sounds estranged and amused at the same time.

Willie giggles. "Princess Carmela is the sailboat I want to buy. Alex met her in Cancún. And yeah, of course she can. Actually, I've always wanted to sail through it. It's like- a necessary point in your trip. Without it it's not complete."

Alex realizes something. "So, let's say Carmela is in Mexico, and you want to take her to- I don't know- Los Angeles-"

"Yeah, you need to cross the canal. It's not _that_ far."

He doesn't know why that information comforts him in some kind of way.

They go back to the cruise port and they sit outside it while Reggie and Julie go buy them all ice cream, away from most people so no one will recognize Willie acting completely unprofessional, his arm surrounding Alex's shoulders.

"So," Willie tells him. "We're done. I mean, we still have a day at sea but this is your last stop."

Alex nods. He can't believe these last two weeks have gone by so quickly and slowly at the same time, an avalanche of feelings and pictures and feelings.

"We'll be back in Colombia the day after tomorrow and then- back home," Alex mutters, his voice sad.

"We've been in- um- Aruba, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Mexico, Costa Rica and Panama," Willie counts their stops with his fingers. "That's _a lot_ of countries. Which one has been your favorite?"

The answer is Mexico, because of everything that happened there. It's like Willie and Cancun have the same meaning now, their essences connected and attached with fond memories. But he remembers Oranjestad and the Guadirikiri cave, he remembers Dunn's River Falls in Jamaica and the beach in Costa Rica- he's left pieces of himself in all of those places, and he just can't choose one.

"All of them," he answers, and Willie rolls his eyes.

"If you don't say Mexico I'm going to be upset," he teases and Alex laughs.

"Mexico, then."

Willie's hand cups his face. "Good choice."

They don't do much after that. Willie says goodbye and disappears the moment they step on the cruise ship. Alex's exhausted and he feels like sleeping so he can enjoy the only full day they have left in the ship and his friends agree, so they have an early dinner and go to their cabins.

"I have this crazy idea for a song," Luke tells them, sitting near their little window. "Help me write it?"

He's asking both Alex and Reggie, but Luke's staring directly at him, and Alex can tell he's making sure their little performance tonight doesn't get forgotten. He's never been one to write songs, but he's always liked helping Luke, so he nods.

Reggie and Luke give each other these knowing smiles, and Alex has to keep himself from rolling his eyes. They end up staying awake until two in the morning, writing down lyric ideas and chords, melodies that he's never going to forget.

"This is the best song I've ever written," Luke tells them at the end, when they're all satisfied with the first version of it. That's what he always says when he finishes writing something, though. "I'll call it the Cruise Song."

Reggie chuckles. "That's the worst song title I've ever heard."

Alex has a weird dream that night. He's not even aware it's a dream at first, and he moves through the motions with this warm feeling in his chest. He's in the sailboat, in the middle of the ocean, and the only thing he can hear is a guitar playing and a soft voice he recognizes as Willie's. He's in the lower deck, sitting in the table near the galley, writing something. Then he figures it's a letter, his hand moving avidly, word flowing from his mind and to his hand.

He leaves the letter on top of the table and goes upstairs, where Willie is sitting, a guitar in his hands and a huge grin in his face. The weather's nice, the sun shines but not too much and the water's calm around them.

They eat and they talk and Willie sings and Alex wakes up and realizes he _was_ dreaming, after all, and it's early in the morning and he's in his cabin, in the cruise ship, and he comes to a crazy conclusion, a decision he tries not to think too much about.

_Find something that you enjoy in the present and make it your future._

Maybe he- they could figure something out, right? He's not going to _ask,_ because he doesn't want to sound desperate, but if Willie suggests it- maybe they could travel together. Maybe, if Willie enjoys his company as much as he enjoys his, he will ask him to go together, and they could figure out things one day at a time, _together._

If Willie asks, he's going to say yes.

If he doesn't, he'll just- move on, and try to find a way to figure out what to do with his life on his own.

"So," Carrie asks with a smile after they're done with their breakfast. "Last day. What do you feel like doing?"

"I'm assuming Alex wants to spend it with Willie," Reggie teases, his eyebrows raised. Alex throws some of his scrambled eggs at him, and they get stuck in his hair. He's right, though.

Willie told him he'd be working in the lido deck all morning, and that he'd have the afternoon free. So they all go there, separate some chairs near the pool and Alex goes sit in front of the bar, fighting back a smile.

Willie turns around with another suppressed smile. He's wearing the t-shirt and the towel over his shoulder, just like when they met. It's only been a couple of days since then, but Alex feels like everything's changed.

 _Ask me,_ he thinks. _Ask me to go with you and I'll say yes._

"Good morning, sir," Willie says playfully. "What can I get for you?"

Alex pretends to think about it. "What do you recommend?"

"Are you old enough to drink alcohol?"

Alex laughs, and Willie smiles too. Another person comes to the bar and they sober up, trying to act professional.

Willie hands him a piña colada with a little wink, and they wait until the person leaves to keep talking.

_Ask me._

He's aware that there's a lot of things he could be doing. There are a bunch of activities to do, especially in their last day, but Alex doesn't feel like going to the dance classes or the spa or go shopping even if everything's ridiculously cheap because they're in the middle of the ocean and there are no taxes. He doesn't feel like swimming or going with Luke and Reggie to play soccer near the bow. He doesn't feel like playing minigolf or- well, he doesn't want to do anything else than just sit there and talk to Willie.

He just can't seem to get tired of that.

Willie talks about his trip, about his mom and about how he learned to sail.

"I want to start in the Pacific," Willie tells him, moving his fingers through the bar, as if drawing over a map. "Go to Hawaii, maybe, and then cross to New Zealand and all the little islands around there. You can spend months there, visiting all of them. Then go to Africa, and then- shit, sorry, I'm probably being boring."

Alex shakes his head. "I love hearing you talk about this."

_Ask me._

"Thanks, piña colada."

"So, yesterday you told me that your original plan was to go on the trip with your mom," he starts, licking his lips. "The two of you. And now you're going alone?"

Willie shrugs. "Plans change. But that's okay."

"Can you handle all those months on your own?"

_Ask me._

"Why, you don't think I can?" Willie shoots him an amused grin and hands him another drink. He's had four so far, each time a different thing that Willie comes up with.

"I'm not saying that, dude." He answers with another smile. "I mean- you know. Being alone for that long would scare me."

Willie's eyes soften. He seems to stop to think about it for a second.

_Ask me to go and I'll say yes without even thinking about it._

"Nah, I think I can make it. When you work on a cruise, you get tired of people," he chuckles. "Just me, Princess Carmela and the world, dude. Sounds perfect to me."

Alex ignores the disappointment making his throat close up.

"Yeah, perfect."

Willie hands him another drink.

"Dude, this is too much, I don't want to get wasted-"

Willie winks at him. "I know that. This is lemonade."

_God, please ask me._

"So, tomorrow-" Willie starts, leaning against the cabinets inside the bar. "At what time does your plane leave?"

"Um, at six p.m., I think. We'll stay in Bogota that night and spend the day there and then, back to-"

"Real life," Willie finishes for him. Alex nods with a grimace.

"Back to real life," he repeats.

"You don't sound too excited."

Alex lets out a dry laugh. "Who would be excited? Besides, I'm going to- you know- miss you."

Willie touches his hand for a single second, as long as he dares to between the sea of people walking around them.

"I'm going to miss you too."

_Ask me._

"It's getting late," Willie says instead. "You should go have lunch with your friends- enjoy the time you have left. Meet me in the music room at five, though."

Alex nods. "Sounds good."

He goes have lunch with his friends, and he's realizing he's going to miss them too. They'll go back to real life, like Willie said, in the world where they all go back to college without him, and Alex will be just- home, still trying to figure out what to do with the broken pieces of his life.

"You okay, man?" Luke asks him, and Alex nods.

"Yeah."

"Don't be _too_ sad," Carrie chimes in. "You still have tomorrow left. I mean, like a couple of hours before we have to go to the airport. Enjoy the day."

Alex is _trying._

He goes to the music room at five p.m., just like they agreed to. He likes the way every single passenger seems to have forgotten that place exists. He sits behind the drum set and picks up the drum sticks, his blood running heavily in his veins. Willie enters the room just when he's about to start playing, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Hey there."

Alex smiles. "Hey."

Willie nods towards the drums. "Play something for me."

Here's the thing- drums are not a _romantic_ instrument. It's not random noise either, but- Alex doesn't know how to describe it. The thing he loves the most about them is the way adrenaline starts drowning him when he plays, the way his body pushes itself to generate the _noise._ It was the only thing that could calm him down whenever he was anxious or worried or when everything was too much. And god, how he's missed it.

Not a lot of people can stand a long, rusty drum solo, but Willie just stands there as Alex plays, trying to remember the beats and the fills and the rhythm. It's messy and loud, and he gets tired quite quickly, but still- he loves it.

Willie just stays there when Alex decides he's done, staring intensely at him.

He clears his throat and moves towards the keyboard. "Nice," he tells him. "Way better than I thought it'd be. Now, sing with me."

Alex does, glad that Willie doesn’t make a big deal out of the fact this is the first time he’s played in six months.

He sits beside Willie and reads the lyrics of a song, trying to follow his lead. Again, it's probably not that good, their voices resonating against the sound-proofed walls. But the song ends and Alex lays his head against Willie's shoulder, realizing Willie's one of the few things that make him _feel._

"That was fun, right?" Willie asks in a chuckle. He's playing with the necklace he gave to Alex, his other hand playing a couple of notes on the keyboard.

"Really fun."

"Being able to do music is really helpful when you travel," Willie explains. "An easy way to make money when you need it."

_Ask me to go with you and I'll learn how to play every single instrument ever created._

"You should go," Willie says. "Today's show at the theatre- you can't miss it."

Alex hums.

"C'mon, I'll walk you to your cabin. But no one can see us."

He raises an eyebrow. "How are we going to do that?"

Willie grabs his hand. "Clearly you haven't played hide and seek, cruise style."

"Who the hell has played that, dude-"

Willie stands up and drags Alex with him, making him run through the empty, narrow hallways. There are not many people because everyone's either at the theatre or having dinner, but whenever they hear steps they change directions. They're probably not being discreet at all; with the way they're cackling, their laughs resonating against the hallways, their happiness staining the walls.

They stop in front of his cabin, and Willie smiles and the whole world falls apart around him.

_Ask me to go with you. Let me run away with you. Ask me._

But Willie doesn't, and their time together runs out. Willie has to go, after a kiss and a lighthearted goodbye, and Alex stands there, watching him walk away, knowing that tomorrow he'll have to leave and say goodbye, this time for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: going to san blas if you're on a cruise ship would be really stupid because the road there is really long (like three hours) and it literally would leave you with, like, two hours to be at the islands but let's ignore actual distances for the sake of my mediocre storytelling okay thank you.  
> I'm sorry there's so much going on in this chapter but the next one will be quite short so- yeah  
> also why doesn't english have a word for 'pasado mañana' it's DRIVING ME CRAZY


	9. cartagena, again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's kind of short

When Alex wakes up, he feels- weird. He's been kind of fearing this day, this anxious churning in his stomach that hasn't left him alone. It's not only that he has to say goodbye to Willie, who he's going to miss _so damn much_ , (he'd actually never thought he could miss someone like this after knowing them for just two weeks, but he's choosing not to think about that too much), it's also because he has a home to get back to, a place that feels uncomfortable and saturated with heavy silence.

Real life sucks, and he's dreading it.

He's left all of his things packed and ready to leave, but Reggie and Luke's things are still scattered around their little cabin, and he's told himself that he wouldn't help them pack, not this time, so he gets up and goes to the lido deck one last time.

It's even more empty than usual, and he just- stands there, breathing the air and staring at Cartagena, trying to calm himself down.

He's genuinely thought about staying in Colombia and- figure things out, get a job and save money to get to another place and do all those things Willie's talked about, but he doesn't want to do it alone, at least not for now.

So he'll just- go back home and maybe get a job there and then- he has no idea, but he's come to terms with that.

Sometimes it's okay not to know.

Julie comes up to him with a shy smile and stands beside him, the wind shaking her hair.

"I don't want to leave," she whispers. "I don't know why but I don't want to leave."

"The ocean's cool, right?"

Julie stifles a laugh. "The first thing you said when you saw the ship was 'oh my god we're going to die'."

"Everyone keeps reminding me that! I changed my mind, okay? Turns out I love- boats."

"Yeah," Julie raises her eyebrows with a smug expression. "Boats."

He honestly does. It's new, yeah, because he was genuinely afraid of, wrecking and drowning or something, but he's found out he loves doing this.

"Let's have breakfast and leave before they throw us out," Julie squeezes his arm and walks. Alex takes a deep breath, takes a picture of the lido deck, one of the bar where he met Willie, sighs and leaves.

Willie's waiting for them outside the cruise port, wearing the usual cruise company t-shirt and white shorts.

"Hey," Alex greets him, trying not to sound too sad.

Willie gives him a professional smile with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Hey, guys. So- what are we going to do today?"

They didn't have a chance to really visit Cartagena when they first got there, two weeks ago, so their plan is to leave all of their stuff in the airport and then visit the city before they have to fly to Bogota. He's excited about having one last thing to do with Willie.

Willie nods, and they take a cab to the airport.

An hour and a half later, they're walking through the center of the city, and Alex's honestly amazed. There's something beautiful about this city, about the architecture and the ambiance and the- everything. There are huge, modern buildings in one side of the street and in the other there are these old, colonial castles that contrast in a beautiful way.

Flynn and Carrie are holding hands and Luke has one arm around Julie's shoulder, so he gathers up enough courage and takes Willie's hand in his.

Willie smiles and squeezes. He's changed his clothes and has told him that hopefully no one will recognize him.

"Besides," he had said. "You're not a passenger anymore. You're literally no longer the cruise's problem, so _technically,_ I'm not doing anything wrong."

They're going to a place called Fort San Felipe de Barajas, and Alex doesn't really know what to expect but he's seen the pictures and it looks beautiful, kind of like a especial way to finish their trip.

"You love this city, don't you?" Willie asks with that playful smile he uses a lot, the one he's going to miss _so_ damn much.

"It's- I don't know. Different from every other place I've been to."

"Cartagena it's beautiful that way. When Spain colonized Latin America, this city was one of the most important ports, and there's this huge cultural mix- natives who used to live here and spanish people and also a lot of afro-colombian culture- it's gorgeous. I've visited quite a lot of places, and Cartagena it's in my top five cities in the whole world."

Alex nods, feeling like he could hear Willie talk for hours. "What are the other four cities?"

"Nope, not going to tell you until you visit them. That way you can make up your own mind."

Alex wants to tell him something like, 'take me to them', but he's _scared,_ so he nods again and keeps on walking.

They get to the Fort and Alex can't help but let out a whispered 'wow,' because well- it deserves it. It looks more like a castle than a fort, standing out from the tall skyscrapers and modern houses.

"This is the coolest place I've ever been to," Reggie says, looking up at the fort.

Willie winks. "Did you know that it was built to fight off pirates?"

Reggie jumps. "Coolest place I've ever been to!" he repeats, running inside.

Alex chuckles. "He's _obsessed_ with pirates. You shouldn't have mentioned that."

"Who's _not_ obsessed with pirates, honestly?"

"Hey, love birds!" Flynn calls. "We don't have all day!"

They don't. They have- four hours left, if Alex remembers correctly, and he's starting to freak out a little.

He _knows_ he shouldn't have assumed that this was going to last. Maybe a summer love it's all it's going to be- a fond memory to remember whenever his life becomes a little gray. Everyone's had them, right? A person you meet and leaves a mark in your heart, but you don't get to see ever again. Some people are just destined to be a shooting star, a brief but blinding presence you never really forget.

But he also had- this stupid expectation, this flutter of dream where they could stay together. But Willie hasn't asked, and Alex doesn't want to invite himself to the plans Willie has, so they'll just- move on.

Willie's the best thing that's happened to him in- what feels like a lifetime, and it's going to be hard to come to terms with the fact that he's losing him too.

The fort's full of this narrow, small passages that feel like labyrinths. There's not much people, luckily, and they have enough time to play the most difficult game of hide and seek ever.

Willie and Alex hide in one of the little rooms, holding hands and trying not to be too loud as they hear Luke approaching. They kiss a couple of times, and Alex tries to hold on to the feeling of Willie's lips against his, engrave it in his mind.

Luke wins, after thirty minutes of yelling and a security guard asking them to stop playing like little kids. Alex doesn't even feel ashamed of the guard's frown, and he has to kick Willie playfully to keep him from laughing.

They go to the highest part of the fort, an outside area from where you can see the whole city. Willie talks about pirates and battles and a bunch of interesting stuff Alex can't really focus on because he's too busy focusing on _him,_ and his eyes and his face and the way he moves his arm and the way he plays with his eyebrows and just- _the way._

A guy comes up to them, holding a huge camera, and asks them if they would like some pictures. Alex's about to say no, because he's never seen the point, but Luke insists, and Alex doesn't regret it when the guy hands them the picture- it's beautiful, even if Julie’s eyes are closed and Carrie’s hair is kind of hiding her face.

He grabs Willie's hand and asks the photographer to take a picture of just the two of them.

The picture's cute, and Alex shows it to Willie with a smile on his face, trying not to look _too_ excited about it. Willie takes it and smiles back at Alex and then starts tearing it in half.

"Hey!" Alex lets out, trying to take the picture away from him. Willie chuckles and finishes tearing it, looking satisfied. "Why would you do that?"

"Here," he hands him the half with Willie on it, and shows him his half. "See? Now we have a picture of the other."

Alex shakes his head. "What do you think this is, The Parent Trap?"

"Oh, c'mon, it's a cool gesture," Willie kisses his cheek, and Alex forgets he just spent fifteen dollars on a broken photograph. "Besides, I haven't seen that movie."

"You haven't-? Okay. Okay, cool," he smiles again, bringing the half of the picture close to his chest. "I want a full picture anyway. C'mon, let's take another one."

They go have lunch in a local restaurant Willie knows. The place it's pretty, the tables in the middle of an old, closed street. There's live music and the waiters are wearing these traditional costumes, and _god_ Alex doesn't want to leave.

When they're almost done, Willie grabs his hand and asks him if they can talk outside. Alex's heart sinks in his stomach because he has no idea what he would want to talk about, but he manages to nod and stands up, ignoring the stares his friends are giving them.

They stand just in front of the restaurant's entrance, and there's a few people walking down the street but Willie doesn't seem to care.

"What-" Alex starts, his hands fidgeting nervously. "What do you want to talk about?"

A small part of him tells him that maybe, Willie will ask him to join the trip, maybe figure out something to see each other again. Alex's willing to do whatever, even if he sounds stupid, to spend more time with him. But- again, he's not going to _ask._ He's too nervous to speak, but not too nervous to daydream.

"Oh, you know," Willie shrugs and takes his hand. "I just wanted to ask if you're going to be okay."

Alex blinks.

"What do you mean okay?"

"Well, I know you've had a rough couple of months. And that this trip was kind of a way to cheer you up. But I know sometimes that's not enough. I just want to make sure that you'll go back home and be okay."

Alex sort of wants to cry, because he has no idea how to answer that question.

He licks his lips and forces himself to come up with an answer. No one's asked him that before.

"I don't know," he admits. "I did make some choices, so I guess the trip actually helped me a little."

"So, when you go back home-?"

"I'll get a job," he starts. "Move away from my parents’ house, probably."

Willie nods. "It's- uh- a good plan."

Alex chuckles. "It's not really a plan. But you know, what you said about finding something you enjoy and making it your future- I'll take that advice."

"It's great advice."

"Yeah."

They stay in silence for some long, suffocating seconds, and Alex tries to say something else, tries to figure out a way to put his whirling thoughts in order, but he can't. Willie seems to be about to say something too, but he remains quiet, biting his lip, and Alex decides to talk about other thing.

"So, you- about you, I mean- when you buy Carmela, and start travelling-"

"Oh, right," Willie shakes his head a little, kind of making himself focus on the present. "I forgot to tell you. I think I can finally buy her now. I mean- not _right now,_ but someone reached out to me, told me he owed my mom some money and decided to give it to me instead. It's like- destiny or something. Now I just have to save for, you know- the actual trip, but I think I'll be able to start soon. I'm _sick_ of working on the cruise, dude."

"That's- great, Willie. I'm really happy for you."

Willie grins. "Thanks. You know, you could- give me your address and I'll send you a postcard from every place I visit. I promise I won't forget."

"Sounds good."

They've talked about staying in contact, but Alex's pretty sure it's not going to work out. After all, the internet on the cruise sucks, and even if they could- text or send e-mails or something, it's not like they could do it a lot, especially with the time difference and the fact that Willie only has time to check his phone late at night.

It's all harder than Alex thought it would be, and he hates it.

He wonders if Willie will forget about him.

He wonders if _he_ will forget about Willie. He doesn't think he can.

It's getting late to go the airport, so they take a cab and Alex feels like he's about to throw up.

Luke pats him in the shoulder and tells him that they'll be waiting for him inside. To take his time. Alex nods and watches his friends walk into it, while he stays- standing there, not even knowing where to start.

"I'm going to miss you," he lets out, his voice shaking a little. "I know I've said this a lot but- I am. It's been- the best two weeks of my life."

Willie grimaces and then smiles, shrugging. "I'm going to miss you too. Thanks for- you know- offering to help that night. I guess we have to thank a broken closet door, right?"

"Yeah," he laughs a little. "Sorry for locking us in there. I may have accidentally kicked the thing that kept it from closing."

"Wait," Willie starts laughing as well, "You did that? I though I hadn't put it in there, dude-"

They both laugh a little, and then Alex remembers he has a plane to take and his happiness shrinks inside of him, a flickering light that dies with a last, mournful spark.

Willie seems to sense his change of demeanor.

"We'll talk, right?" He mutters. "You can text me whenever you want or call me, you know. We'll keep in touch."

"Of course, yeah."

They both know it's not true, but sometimes ignoring the truth is the only way to keep on going.

Another beat of silence.

"Oh," Alex remembers, grabbing his backpack and searching through it. "I almost forgot. The jacket you have me in Costa Rica-" he finds it and takes it out of his bag, handing it to him. Willie shakes his head, though, and pushes it towards Alex.

"Keep it. I want it to be yours now."

"Are you sure? I mean, it's part of your uniform."

Willie takes his other hand. "You can keep it. I'll just say I lost it somewhere. I'm always losing stuff after all."

"I- thanks."

More silence.

"I guess I should go now," Alex starts, turning to see the airport doors.

"Yeah, probably."

They don't move.

Willie kisses him, short and sweet, a quiet goodbye. And then he hugs him, and Alex buries his head in his neck, trying to keep his breath under control. They stay like that for what feels like a brief eternity, while Alex tries to make sure he never forgets the feeling of- well, Willie.

"I _really_ should go now," Alex croaks out, still hugging him. He feels Willie nodding.

"Good luck. With everything."

"Goodbye," Alex's voice is a thread, a barely-existent lament.

"Bye, Alex."

He blinks his tears away, turns around and walks to the airport doors. He's taken three steps when Willie's voice rips through the air.

"Alex, wait!"

_This is your last chance. Ask me to go with you and I'll say yes without even thinking about it._

"Yes?"

Willie looks at him, licks his lips and then his face darkens. Alex recognizes his expression.

Fear. Regret.

"Nothing."

"Oh."

"I mean-" Willie advances towards him and pulls him in for another hug, this one more- personal, desperate. "This."

He hugs back, realizing something.

Willie's not going to ask.

And that's okay.

"Goodbye," he repeats.

Willie nods solemnly, drawing a small smile. Alex appreciates that, so when he thinks about the last time he saw him, he'll remember him with the smile he offered Alex since the first instant they met.

It's a good memory.

He goes through the airport security in a haze, in what seems like a dream. It's like he's watching everything from above, saying what he's supposed to say and doing what he's supposed to do.

The next thing he knows it's that he's on the plane, sitting beside the window, Julie and Reggie next to him. Julie's in the middle seat, holding his hand.

"Are you okay?" She asks in a whisper.

The plane starts moving, the seats shaking. Alex closes his eyes and doesn't answer.

If he cries, he's thankful that his friends don't say anything about it.

As the plane takes off, he closes his eyes and realizes that he's never going to see Willie again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me sad :c  
> but- there's still one chapter left. That's all I can say.


	10. los angeles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic's unofficial son is [We Could Run Away](https://youtu.be/MwI_aIX9HB8) by needtobreathe because that's the only song I've been able to listen to while I was writing this

He knows it's stupid, but the cruise feels weirdly empty when he goes back to it.

It's still full of people, laughing and talking and eating and sweating, it's still the same image he's used to, the one he's getting tired of. Maybe he's outgrowing everything he knows, and he likes to think that that's okay, even healthy.

But still. There's this emptiness- and it's pointless to ignore that it's because he misses Alex. He liked looking forward to the next day, this- excitement about the things he would get to do he hasn't felt in a long time.

He's not- sad, not exactly. He means, he _is_ sad, but it's a different kind sadness, a sharp one, making him feel like he's forgotten something. Like he's _lost_ something.

Willie thought about asking Alex to go with him. Maybe they could've travelled together- Willie liked the idea of having someone to travel with, someone to talk to late at night, when the sea around them is quiet and there's nothing to do but pass the time. Alex's cool like that, in a way he can't really explain, because Willie can't just seem to _get bored_ with him. He always has something to tell and Willie always feels like listening.

His company was a heavy, safe presence beside him, and he's going to miss it a lot.

He was too afraid of getting a negative answer, though, of receiving an uncomfortable smile and a shrug, a ‘no, thank you.’ This trip is everything that he's wanted, ever since he was little and his mom used to talk about islands and foreign countries, about the euphoria that comes with realizing that there's nothing else to do but sail and enjoy the moment.

And he didn't want to stain that dream with a bittersweet rejection, an uncomfortable memory of a summer fling that could've been much more.

He's started to regret his fear, and he's wondering if keeping his thoughts to himself was the best choice.

But it's too late now, because Alex's gone, probably already in Bogota and ready to go back to real life, and Willie has another five months of work if he wants to have enough money for starting his trip. It's not like he's travelling all around the world immediately, after all. A trip like that is hard, and he needs to _know_ his boat, learn about long-distance travels he hasn't done yet.

His goal is to cross the Atlantic first, spend a couple of months in the Mediterranean Sea, where sailing's not that hard, maybe get a job there and save more money. Then cross it again, help Lupe in the beach and in her work for a while, cross the Panama Canal and _then_ cross the Pacific.

Suddenly doing all of that on his own doesn't sound too exciting.

"Hey, man," a voice calls. Willie's in his cabin, getting ready for his afternoon shift. Patricia let him do the 'tour' that morning, after all, and he's covering for her until late at night. It was totally worth it.

"Nick, hey," Willie answers, forcing out a smile.

"How was everything?"

Nick's the only one who knows about his and Alex's- thing. He doesn't know what to call it. He's been sharing a cabin with Nick for almost two years now, and Willie likes to think they’ve grown pretty close. He's great at keeping secrets. When he wants to.

Willie shrugs.

"You know. It- went. I don't really want to talk about it."

Nick pats him in the shoulder. "That's why you're not supposed to get attached to _passengers,_ man."

Willie knows that, he really does, and he tried really hard to remember that a relationship like that had no future, but still. He doesn't choose to feel the way he does.

He sends Alex a text just before he leaves for work, because he won't be able to text him until three a.m., when his shift is over, and because he wants Alex to know he still cares.

_Good luck,_ he types, trying to make the text seem not-that-desperate. _Tell me when you get home._

It's stupid and simple and really basic, but it's the only thing he can think of in the moment.

He forgets to check his phone when he goes back to his cabin hours later, and he wakes up and it's getting late for his shift at the lido deck bar so he leaves his phone connected to the charger and forgets about the message.

It's not until the next day, when they're already in Aruba again that he has time to grab his phone, and the first thing he notices is Alex's name shining in his lock screen. His heart drops to his stomach and he reads the text, feeling like his whole body is pounding with tension.

The text's actually pretty recent, from a couple of hours ago.

_I just got back home._

_I'm hiding in my room, trying to ignore my dad's questions about my future. I get that he's worried about me, but he's driving me crazy. I miss the sea already, and it's stupid because I live twenty minutes away from the beach. It's just not the same thing._

_I honestly feel like I'm going crazy, like I'm suffocating, and I've only been back for like three hours. Get me out of here please. Haha._

_You know, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I feel like it doesn't matter now, so here it goes. I sort of wanted to join you on your dream trip. I know it's weird and probably stupid but, you know, you made running away sound really fun. It made me want to run away with you._

_If you had asked, I would've said yes. Just thought you should know that. That's how much you mean to me._

_But whatever. Take care, Willie._

Fuck.

Willie reads the last part again, his body vibrating just like when he doesn't know _what to do._

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's so damn stupid.

Theres's this anger running through his veins, this desperation and regret and disappointment enveloping him, drowning him. He doesn't even know how to feel, so he reads Alex's message again and again and _again,_ until the words in his phone become blurry and his brain stops making sense out of them.

Nick comes into their cabin, and that helps Willie to _wake up_. He needs to do something.

"Woah dude, what's wrong?" Nick asks, and Willie shows him his phone, because he doesn't feel like explaining.

"Well, that- um- sucks. But there's nothing you can do about it, right?"

His throat closes up. Maybe Nick's right, maybe _Alex's_ right and it doesn't matter now.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyway," Nick offers with a shrug. "I mean, think about it. You still have to save money, and he had to leave. You would've been apart for a couple of months anyway. Maybe you could still figure something out."

Nick's not wrong. He still has some time left, and maybe he _can_ invite Alex on the trip after all. They'd just have to- wait. But Willie's never been patient, and there's this little part of him that fears time will not be on their side. Five months it's what he needs, but five months it's _a lot_ of time to move on and find new things to enjoy. Five months is enough for Alex to change his mind.

Besides, he wants to _help_ Alex. There are parts of the message he doesn't like, the parts where he says he feels like he's suffocating, that he wants to leave. Willie wants to do the same, and maybe he could help him with that.

There must be _something_ he can do.

"C'mon, man," Nick continues. "Stop freaking out about this. What are you going to do?" He lets out in a sarcastic tone, chuckling a little. "Get fired and use your termination pay to get the money you need?"

Use his- what?"

"Use my- what?" Willie repeats, walking closer to Nick. "Get fired and _what?"_

Nick blinks. "Your termination pay. You know, the cruise company gives you a month worth of salary for every year you've worked here if you get fired."

"They _do_ that? Why didn't I know this, man?"

"Don't ask me. Didn’t you read the contract?”

“No one reads contracts, dude.”

Nick sighs. “That’s- not true. But, Willie- don't even think about it."

It's too late for that. He already has an idea. A really stupid one, but an idea after all. And he needs to get started on it soon if he's going to make it work.

"I need to talk to Caleb," he whispers, mostly to himself.

"Please don't do anything stupid," Nick calls from their cabin door, but Willie's already sprinting towards Caleb's office.

"Do you even know me?" He tells Nick as he leaves, feeling himself grinning.

He's always liked doing stupid things, after all.

They're already leaving Aruba, so if his plan works- flights from Jamaica to Mexico are not that expensive. He can make this work.

"Hey, Caleb?" Willie knocks on his office door, trying to gather up some courage.

Caleb tells him to come in. Willie's been kind of avoiding him lately, trying to keep his profile low in case he heard rumors about him and Alex, that honestly have been circulating between the crew for at least a week now. But now he's thankful for those rumors. Or well, something like that.

"What can I help you with, William?"

"I need you to fire me."

Huh. He never thought he'd say those words.

Caleb looks up at him, pushing his laptop away. He shoots him an incredulous smile.

"Excuse me?"

"I need you to fire me," he repeats, taking a deep breath. He doesn't know how to explain this. "If you fire me, you'd have to give me five months’ worth of salary, right? Because I've been working here for almost five years."

"Hypothetically, yes," Willie has to fight back a smile because he kind of finds Caleb's confusion funny. "But why the hell would I fire you?"

"Well- it's a long story. But I really need to you do this."

"If you want to stop working with us, you can write a resignation letter and I'll evaluate it, but I can't just- fire you. What, you don't want to work here anymore?"

Willie groans. "I know I could do that, but I need it to be _fast._ Please, Caleb-"

Caleb raises his hand, and Willie swallows.

"Unless you've broken a rule or something like that, William, I will not fire you. I don't know why you're insisting on this nonsense-"

"I dated a passenger," he blurts out, because that has to help. "I mean-", okay, maybe he's being stupid, but there's no going back now. "I didn't _date_ him, or well- I don't know. But I broke a bunch of rules. I lied to you and I spent my free day with him and that’s why we were late that day, like twenty minutes late, now that I think about it- it's a miracle you didn't sail without us. We kissed in a storage closet and- I think that's enough to get me fired, right?"

Caleb looks like he's about to have a stroke.

"Oh, and this happened like a year ago but I adopted a cat. I had it on board for like a week and then realized it wasn't a good idea. Now _that_ should be enough."

It is.

He's supposed to leave the ship in two days, when they get to Jamaica. Perfect.

Saying goodbye it's a little harder than he thought it would be, though. He packs everything and that takes him a really short time, and that's kind of sad. His mom always told him that all he needs to live should fit in a suitcase, and all of his stuff does. But still, he's been living in that ship for almost two years now, and seeing his cabin so- empty is kind of heart wrenching. He walks to the hallways and through the decks, trying to force his brain to remember everything exactly as it was.

Most of the crew knows he got fired by now, but no one knows exactly _why,_ and he's having a lot of fun with the rumors. A couple of his closest friends go say goodbye to him, and he's going to miss them, he really, really is, but there's this- euphoria that makes the sadness fade away.

He's about to start what he's been waiting to do his whole life, after all. There's a lot he needs to think about.

"So you're finally buying your old sailboat," Paola tells him. It's just her, Nick and him in their cabin, while Willie makes sure he's not forgetting everything.

"She's not _old,"_ Willie huffs. "Well- she kind of is, but she's gorgeous. And I'm going to live in it, alright?"

Paola rolls her eyes. "I'm going crazy in this ship, and it's huge. I don't get why you want to live in a forty feet long sailboat."

"Because-" that's actually a good question that he doesn't really know how to answer. "Because I want to, alright? That way I can live literally wherever I want."

Nick sighs. "I can't believe you're actually doing this. This boy must be really special."

"It's not _all_ about him, okay? I've been waiting this for so long- getting fired it's the best decision I've ever made. I'll send you guys postcards when I'm- I don't know, in France, and you guys are still here, circling the Caribbean for the hundredth time."

He wakes up feeling kind of nervous, but there's this- determination running through him. He's excited about what's to come.

He hugs Nick and some of his other friends, thanks Caleb for everything, even if he's furious at him, and leaves the ship. It's a bittersweet farewell he's been preparing for ever since he started working there.

He kind of feels like he's letting go of his mom's memory, her smile and the way she let him try on her captain's jacket. But he likes to think that she'd wanted this for him. She was the one who dreamt of travelling on her own, after all.

Willie calls his friend Dante and gets him to drive him to the Kingston airport. It's almost a three-hour drive, but he spends all of it telling Dante about his plan, to make sure it's not _too_ crazy.

Dante seems to think it's a good plan, though, and leaves him in the Kingston airport with a hug and an incredulous smile.

"Good luck, I guess. You know- if this ends badly, it's going to be really sad."

Willie nods. "Yeah, you're right. But, I've got nothing to lose, not really. I still need to go to my old apartment in Florida to pack some things."

"You're going to Los Angeles. That's in the other side of the country."

Willie shrugs. "At least I'll be in _that_ country."

"You're crazy."

"Thanks."

"Good luck in your trip."

The flights from Kingston to Cancun are actually more expensive than what he remembers, but he feels like he has enough money to spare in that. It's an almost six-hour flight, but it's worth it. Even if he hates flying.

He gets to Cancun with a smile, a suitcase and a lot of hunger. He calls Miguel and has lunch with him, and explains his plan for what feels like the tenth time. Miguel likes the plan, though, and offers to drive him to Lupe's.

They drive through the highway, watching the sun setting beside them, and he remembers Alex's smile and his voice, carefree and singing, his hands drumming against the steering wheel, and he's glad he's stupid enough to do this.

He didn't tell Lupe he was going to the beach where she works, though, and he's kind of worried she won't be there, because sometimes she spends the night in the city and not in the small cabin, and it's getting late and he needs to do this as fast as possible. He calls Lupe but she doesn't answer her phone, and he also calls her partner, Daniela, but no one freaking answers.

"If they're not there you can spend the night with me," Miguel tells him with a smile. "It's not like you could sail tonight."

That _was_ kind of his plan, but Miguel's right. He's going to need to pack a bunch of stuff and make sure Carmela's ready for a trip like that- maybe this is harder than he'd initially though. If he wants to get there as fast as possible, he's going to need help.

Luckily, though, both Lupe and Daniela are in the beach, sitting in the sand and talking to each other, huge smiles on their faces.

Miguel and him walk towards them, and Lupe looks up with a surprised, confused grin.

"Willie," she calls. " _Mi rey,_ what- what are you doing here?"

"I have the money," Willie announces, feeling himself shaking with excitement. "I can finally buy Carmela."

Lupe hugs him and Willie _realizes_ that. He finally has the money, the boat- she's finally _his._ He has his own boat; he has his own _home._

Daniela's always been the harsher of the two of them, and she seems to realizes that there's something he's not telling them. "Aren't you supposed to be working? You were her like a week ago."

Willie clears his throat. "Well, um- I kind of- maybe I got fired."

Lupe gasps. "You did _what?"_

"I mean- it's not like that, I got fired _on purpose."_

Daniela smacks him in the shoulder and Miguel laughs. "Explain yourself."

Willie tells them his plan and watches their expressions go from anger to disbelief to resignation.

"If you're making that trip," Lupe starts, her frow burrowed. "You need to work on the boat. It's not ready to make a trip like that. "

"I know," he nods. "She needs a new motor and a bunch of other stuff, but I need to be ready to sail in two days. I'm leaving at dawn."

Lupe laughs. "There's no way you're fixing everything in that little time. Los Angeles can wait."

Willie shakes his head. "It _can't,_ Lupe, I mean it. I need to get there before-"

"Before what?" Daniela chimes in. Willie sighs.

"I don't know. But I feel like I need to do this as fast as possible, alright? Before Alex changes his mind or before we realize we're both being very impulsive. If you guys help me- I can have her ready in a day."

Daniela grimaces. "I don't know, Willie, this is _crazy."_

"Please," he croaks out. "I really need to do this."

Lupe rests a hand on his shoulder. "Alright. Just because I really liked that boy."

Willie spends the night in their house in the city, writing down a list of all the things he needs. It's three in the morning when he's pretty sure he hasn't forgotten about anything, and he checks his phone.

He curses when he realizes he has a text from Alex, and remembers he never really got a chance to answer that first text, the one that initiated all this madness.

_I know you're probably busy, and that's why you haven't answered the last text._

_At least that's what I hope. I'm sorry if I freaked you out a little, but I don't take anything back. I meant what I said, Willie._

_Anyway, these past three days have been- rough. I've realized apartments are_ really _expensive, and I don't even have enough money for a month's rent. I was going crazy in my house, though, so I'm sleeping at Julie's. His dad's pretty cool and he lets me crash on their couch. Mom and dad are furious, and I'm kind of worried they won't come to terms with the choices I'm making._

_Getting a job is even harder. I've been looking up things I could do but they all seem so- boring. I need something to take my mind away from the memories, you know? Every time I close my eyes I see the accident. I thought I was done with that, but apparently I’m not. I need to find something quick, though, because Julie and the guys will be going back to college soon and I don't want to sleep on her couch when she's not even_ there.

_It's just been a hard couple of days. I miss you. I miss us._

_Please text back. Or don’t. I don’t know._

Should he tell him? Maybe Willie should let Alex know about his crazy plan, but he also wants this to be a surprise.

_I'm sorry,_ he starts, chewing on his lip as he tries to think of an answer.

_I've been really busy lately, but I read your last text. And, well, maybe I should've asked._

Willie groans and erases everything. He really doesn't know what to write, so he lets out a sigh and decides that Alex will have a good answer when he gets to LA.

_Hold on,_ he types. That seems like a good enough answer, so he presses send and goes to sleep.

The next day is a _mess._ He wakes up at eight and has breakfast with Lupe and Daniela. They're supposed to clean Carmela while he and Miguel go buy a new motor for her in his car. When they go back to the beach, she looks- the boat looks perfect.

"Woah," he mutters. "She's so beautiful."

Daniela smiles. "She is. I'm going to miss her. There's a reason your mom wanted to buy it, after all."

"Alright. Let's get to work."

Daniela helps him to install the new motor and fix everything that needs to be fixed. She's a mechanical engineer, after all, and she's taught him pretty much everything he knows. Miguel and Lupe go to the city to buy all the stuff he needs for the trip- and he realizes doing all of this on his own would've been impossible. Again, he's glad he's decided that he doesn't want to travel alone, not anymore.

They spend the whole day working on Carmela, and by six p.m., he's exhausted. But they make it, and she'll be ready to sail tomorrow morning. He's scared and excited at the same time, his stomach churning and his heart beating heavily against his chest.

Lupe knocks on his bedroom door, and she comes in with a warm, shy smile.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?"

Willie shrugs. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

Lupe sits on the bed, her hand on Willie's shoulder. "You've sailed to Panama before, right? With your mom."

"Yeah," he nods. "Just before she died. That's not the part of the trip that I'm nervous about."

"You're nervous about the rest." She hums and Willie sighs.

"I don't even know why I'm nervous. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

Lupe smiles again. "That's normal, _mi rey._ That's even a good thing. Doing something you love should always make you nervous."

"It's a twelve-day trip. And then- I don't know. Maybe Hawaii?"

"Hawaii's always a good option."

"I'll come back before I leave for good," Willie says, because it's true. He needs to say a proper goodbye. "Maybe even a couple of times. You know, to gain experience and stuff."

"That's great. You know you're always welcome here. You and your- um- Alex."

Willie laughs. "You always wanted to travel with Daniela, right?"

"Who says we can't? Maybe someday, kid, maybe someday. But yeah, that's always been our dream as well. I love her with my whole damn heart, and we can talk for hours. We never get bored of each other. If you want to travel with someone- that's fundamental. To always have a good time with them. If that's not the case, it's not going to work out."

"I think it will," he lets out in a whisper. "I hope it does."

Lupe gives him a hug. "You know what you can't travel without? A guitar. I'll give you mine."

"Lupe, I can't- you don't have to give me your guitar."

"Look, kid, I want to give it to you, alright? I won't take no for an answer."

"Thanks for everything, Lupe," he manages to say, his throat feeling tight. She's always been there for him, supporting him in his stupid, impulsive ideas. He's glad Alex got to meet her. He's glad that, hopefully, Alex will get to see her again.

He leaves Mexico at five in the morning, the Princess Carmela swaying under him, the wind against his face, a destination in mind.

Lupe and Daniela gave him a bunch of stuff to do, and he's thankful for that. They said goodbye, and he still chuckles a little when he remembers the words Lupe told him just before he left.

"Go get your boy."

Just before he leaves, he checks his phone and sees that he has another text from Alex.

_I will,_ it says. That's good.

When he gets to Panama, he's more confident of his ability to sail. He's more confident of _himself._ He's got this. And he's really excited about the next part of the trip, because he's always wanted to cross the Panama Canal. And now he gets to do it, and the reason why makes it all even more special.

He stops in Panama a couple of hours, to walk around the place and buy more stuff he needs. He also figures he needs to make sure Alex will be _there_ when he gets to Los Angeles. Willie doesn't want to tell him that he's going, not yet, and then he remembers Julie gave him her phone number.

"Just in case," she had told him, back when they were in Cartagena. "Maybe someday you'll need it."

He texts Julie, who answers almost immediately, which makes his breathing easier. He doesn't explain much, just tells her to make sure that Alex will be there in twelve days. Julie doesn't ask for an explanation, luckily, and she tells him that she will.

That's great. It's all coming together.

Crossing the Panama Canal it's a unique experience. Willie feels like he's in a movie, with the way Carmela moves through the industrial passages, beside these huge cargo ships, feeling ridiculously small. But brave.

And then he's in the Pacific, in the other side of the continent, and there's nothing left to do but sail and wait and hope for the best.

That's what he's been doing his whole life, though. Sailing and hoping for the best. That's what he _loves_ doing.

He'll be there soon. The rest of the story will up to Alex.

* * *

Alex's not having a good time.

His new life-plan seemed like a good one when he was travelling, when real life was just an empty canvas where he could paint whatever he wanted. Reality's different, and he's started to realizes that.

His parents are _furious_ and he kind of gets why. These past months his house just has been silence and grief and whispers, lost people that didn't know what to do when everything was ripped away from them.

But his parents seem ready to be annoying again, and Alex had a huge fight with his parents a couple of hours after he got back home, when he confessed that he wasn't going back to college.

He _was_ expecting a negative reaction, but the whole thing was worse. It all became yelling and tears and hurtful words thrown at each other, so Alex- well, he left. It's not like he's going to never talk to them again or anything like that. He's just waiting for their anger to fade away.

Alex sort of understands his parents and their worry, because it turns out that being twenty and trying to survive completely on your own is way harder than he thought it would be. He's told Willie that, through text messages that he still freaks out about.

But everything's a _little_ more complicated than that. He has a backpack full of clothes and his wallet and that's pretty much it. The only thing he has it's his old drum set, the one he hasn't touched since his brother died, and he doesn't want to sell it. It's not worth much, but it's still something. That'll be his last resource if he doesn't find a job soon. He needs to find a place to crash in three days.

Yeah, not having a good time.

Turns out that 'running away and never looking back' it's hard.

And there's the fact that the only text he's received from Willie, a 'hold on.' He doesn't know what it means, or why that's the only thing that Willie's told him even if Alex's messages are long and detailed. He's probably overthinking, though, and Willie's busy. Or maybe he wants space. Maybe he's already moved on.

He's found some jobs, but there's nothing he really wants to do. He's thought about leaving LA, because it's full of painful memories and empty possibilities, but he's also kind of scared. Where would he go? It's stupid.

Alex sighs and stands up. He's been spending a lot of time in the beach lately, sitting in front of the sea while he takes breaks from his job hunting. He walks to Julie's, his hands fidgeting with the necklace Willie gave to him.

It's been two weeks since Willie's last message, almost three weeks since he got back from the cruise and he'd genuinely thought his life would be better after the decisions he made there, after he came to terms with the fact that not knowing what to do was okay.

But somehow, he's still lost. He needs a way to fix it.

Julie's waiting for him in her kitchen, taking something out of the oven. They've been doing music together lately, and he's even started trying to write songs. That's good. Maybe if he works hard on that he'll be able to do something with the music he's been creating.

"How was your day?" Julie asks with a smile, handing him a cookie.

Alex shrugs. "Not that great," he admits. "They were hiring in a coffee shop but- I don't know. I don't want to do that."

Julie hums. "You'll find something."

"I've been thinking about leaving Los Angeles," he blurts out, because he wants to tell someone and know if his plan is as crazy as it sounds in his mind. "You know, I think- I think it would help. I feel empty here. I love the city, I do, but I need- I don't know. MoreK."

"Look at you. Two weeks in a cruise ship and suddenly you're a free spirit."

Alex rolls his eyes but chuckles a little. "I mean- that's not a bad idea. I've heard that you can get jobs in ships- cooking or cleaning and stuff like that. And they'll take you, I don't know- somewhere. It could be fun. But I'm broke, so- yeah. Not exactly an option."

Julie crosses her arms. "Is that what you really want? To leave like that?"

"Yes. Maybe not for the rest of my _life,_ but when we were there, travelling and visiting new places and just- you know, being away from everything, I felt _alive_ again for the first time in forever. You know what I'm talking about."

"I do."

"That's what I want to do with my life. At least for now."

Julie bites on her cookie.

"You know, you've been stressed lately. Maybe tomorrow you should go to Long Beach. Maybe, I don't know- to Alamitos Bay."

Alex frowns. "Why the hell would I go there?"

"Oh, I don't know- it could be fun. See the boats and stuff, maybe look for a job around there. You could find something that you actually want to do."

It's not a bad idea. Maybe he will find something cool there, a way to leave LA or maybe find a job that doesn't sound like it'll make him die of boredom.

"Alright," he says at the end. "Why not."

"And go in the afternoon!" She yells, and then clears her throat and lets out an awkward giggle. "I mean- Luke asked me to tell you that he wants to have lunch with you and Reggie tomorrow, so, yeah- go in the afternoon."

"You're being weird."

Julie shrugs with a smile. "I'm always weird."

He goes have lunch with Reggie and Luke the next day, and it's fun and it does help Alex to forget about his problems for a little. They ask what Julie also asked, and Alex has to explain himself, again. They seem to understand, and Reggie tells him he could go and ask for a job at the bike shack near his house.

Alex grimaces.

"I don't know, Reg. Sounds boring. But if I really don't get a job or something in the next- um, two days, I'll be screwed. Or I'll have to go back home and that's worse."

Luke nods. "I get you. Do you remember the time I ran away for like, three days? It was awful."

"At least you had someplace to sleep."

Reggie frowns. "You could- I don't know. You're in a tough spot."

"Thanks for the support, dude."

They go to Alamitos Bay after that, full of small yachts and sailboats and people walking around. Reggie's telling them about the hamster he's adopted when Alex sees _something._

He stops walking and blinks, and then blinks again.

There's a boat that looks ridiculously familiar, full of memories and laughter and- it can't be. There’s no way that’s _her._ But then he walks towards it, and he recognizes the name painted in the hull, near the stern.

Princess Carmela.

His heart drops to his stomach. Alex feels like his whole body is being shut down, his senses a sudden mess of spiraling thoughts and possibilities and this electrifying _realization._ Because if Carmela is here-

"Hey there, piña colada."

-so is Willie.

* * *

Alex can't really describe what happens next. He's done trying. Maybe he cries a little, he can't remember correctly. But he remembers the hug and the questions and Luke and Reggie's laughter when he almost fell into the water, trying to get to Willie.

He remembers the kiss.

That's pretty much everything that his brain managed to process in those- twenty minutes.

Then they went to a little cafe near the beach and Willie talked about Caleb and Nick and Lupe and Panama and _everything,_ while Alex's hands shook around his cup of iced coffee.

"You're an idiot," he remembers saying. "I can't believe you _did_ that."

He remembers Willie's laugh, loud and daring and perfect. "I believe I've told you already that I have zero impulse control."

"So, what now?" Alex had asked in a whisper.

"Honestly? I have no idea. But that's okay."

At least he has a place to sleep now.

The first thing they decide on is to road trip to Florida, to pack up Willie's apartment and maybe sell it, see if they can get some money out of it, then go back to Los Angeles and go- somewhere else.

And then they realize they don't have a car to get there in the first place, but Reggie tells them that he'll let them borrow his car. Problem solved.

"If we're actually doing this," Willie tells him, late at night, when Alex's trying to make dinner in the small kitchen -a galley, Willie reminds him- in the boat. "There's _a lot_ you need to learn."

Alex nods. "I know. But I'm a quick learner."

"Yeah?" Willie grins.

"I am! And besides, you're a great teacher."

Willie kisses him, and Alex can't really believe this is what his life is going to be like.

"Let's see if you say that when you try to use a sextant."

"I have no idea what that is."

"Oh," Willie chuckles. "You've got so much to learn. We have time, though."

"That's all we have."

Alex's parents aren't exactly _happy_ when he tells them that he's leaving to cross the country with a stranger, but there's nothing they can do about it. Carrie and Flynn help him pack his things and he says goodbye and receives a cold stare in response.

He doesn't care. They don't _get_ it, they're probably never going to understand why Alex needs to do this. But they're still his parents, so Alex promises himself he'll try to talk to them again before they set sail.

"Call us," his dad mutters when he's about to cross the door. "So we know you're okay."

"I will."

His friends are leaving for college the same day Willie and him are starting their trip to Florida, so Julie invites them all to her house as a cheerful goodbye.

"I can't believe you," Carrie tells him. They're standing in the kitchen, watching Willie talk about _something_ to Julie's dad, Luke and Reggie by their side. "You're actually running away with Mr. Bartender over there."

Alex chuckles and takes a sip of his drink. "I am."

He can't quite believe it either.

"So, to Florida, then back here, then what?"

"Willie's thinking Hawaii," Alex says. "He says it's a good trip for me to learn about sailing and stuff. He says he can get a job there for a month or so, maybe I can too. Visit the Islands and then- we don't know. We'll see. Maybe Mexico."

"When will you come back?"

"I don't know," he admits. "When I'm ready."

Saying goodbye to his friends is the hardest part. But he's been ready for this for a long time, and it's not like he's never going to see them again. He hugs Julie and Luke and Reggie. Flynn fist bumps him and Carrie gives him a kiss in the cheek.

"Send us postcards!" Reggie yells just before leaving.

That night, Willie and him sit on their little couch, tracing a route for their road trip to Florida. Willie's holding his hand and scribbling over a map with the other.

"You know," Willie says suddenly, offering him a playful smile. "I just realized I never asked you."

Alex frowns. "Ask me what?"

"If you wanted to travel with me."

"Oh," Alex smiles and squeezes Willie's hand. "I feel like the answer's pretty obvious."

Willie shakes his head and leans towards him, their foreheads touching.

"Do you want to run away with me?" He whispers, and Alex feels like he's _melting._ He gulps and forces himself to react.

"I do," he whispers back.

Willie kisses him, long and kind of desperate and Alex can't wait for the rest of their lives to begin.

"I feel like we just got married," he teases, and Willie laughs and shoves him a little.

"You're an idiot."

They start their drive at six. a.m., ready for- well, Alex doesn't know what he should be ready for, but he's pretty sure he is.

Willie puts some music on and Alex rolls the windows down and they start singing and yeah, he can do this for the rest of his life. And more.

"You know," he says, his fingers tapping the steering wheel. "You really should learn how to drive."

Willie's laugh resonates loudly against the wind, and hours later, Alex can swear he still can hear it echoing.

Real life can _really_ go screw itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand that's it! this was way longer than I thought it would be, but I guess that's okay.  
> At first this was supposed to be a short, funny story and it became this weird mix of well, I don't know. I feel like it went to more serious places, but I'm kind of glad it turned out the way it did.  
> The whole point of this for me was to forget that we're in the middle of a pandemic and make myself feel like I was travelling so hopefully it helped you with that as well!  
> Thanks for reading, I actually have no idea how long it would take to sail from Panama to Los Angeles, there's probably an infinite number of inaccuracies in this, hope you enjoyed this- um, thing.  
> Also, I always tell myself I'm going to stop writing JATP fanfiction and move on to other things and then- I never do. Oh, and maybe tell me what you thought? I love reading you guys! Okay yeah that's it bye.

**Author's Note:**

> Two months ago, my friend and I were listening to 'Summer Paradise' by Simple Plan, she told me I should write a Willex Cruise Ship AU, I proceeded to write 15000 words of this, save it as 'dshbfjbfjbr' in my computer and then I completely forgot about it. I literally just found this, so I've decided to translate it, finish it and post it and make it everyone else's problem.
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated! You can find me on tumblr at @sunsetsandcurves


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